The Student Room Group

Sex - First time.

Me and my boyfriend are planning to have sex some time soon.
I'm ready for it emotionally, but I'm just really worried that it's going to hurt.
So much so, that it's become an almost mental barrier.
I don't use tampons, because the first time I used them (About four years ago, mind) it really hurt because I was so Tense. So since then, I've had an irrational fear of anything being inserted down there.
Purely because I don't want it to hurt.

So my questions are these;
What can I do to make it hurt less?
(For example, would pain killers do anything, or alcohol (not much, just enough to get me relaxed))
Also, how much does your first time actually hurt?
Can it be compared to any other affliction?

thank you
(: (:

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Reply 1
I wouldn't call sex an 'affliction' :p:

I wouldn't think painkillers would be a lot of use but a glass of wine beforehand is often advised as it should help calm your nerves :smile:
Try relaxing and stop anticipating the pain. It might not be as bad as you think (I certainly didn't and I don't use tampons either).

My first time hurt only a little. Come to think of it, my earlobe piercings hurt more. Lol.
Plenty of foreplay.
Lube.
Vary the angle.
tlk to him. im a guy, and i said to my girlfriend on our first time that if at any point she wa sin pain she should tell me. . . tlk to him, and if he loves you he will understand.
Reply 5
deffinatly have a few drinks, i'm a lad and i needed a few drinks my first time to help relax me!
I'm not going to lie to you, my first time hurt a lot. But here are my tips:

LUBE LUBE LUBE. It's been said before, but it's really true. I tried to have sex about seven times before we actually managed it, and the magical ingredient the time it actually worked? Lube.

Definitely a few glasses of wine doesn't hurt.

Take it very slowly. Don't necessarily expect to fully have sex the first time - for me, we stopped after about five minutes because it still hurt. But once I'd broken that mental barrier, the next time only hurt a tiny bit and after that rarely at all.
Has your bf never gone inside with his fingers? Just asking because you said that thing about the tampons... If he hasn't just ask him to do that a few times before you have full sex. Maybe it helps you lose your barriers...
Reply 8
No he hasn't. I actually want to have sex first. Believe it or not. Which might sound stupid. I actually don't like the idea of using fingers. Which is weird because I'm fine with oral.
I know I'll be ok once we finally do it, I'm just kind of scared about the first time. That's all.
(: thanks for all the advice, positive rep on its way!
I had sex for the first time about 2 months ago. If your turned on on i dont see the reason why should need lube to be honest, and yeah it hurts and i thought it would get in lol, but he used his fingers which made it easier and after the few seconds of unconfortable hurt when he got it in it didnt hurt atall It was amazingly enjoyable and i only notice bleeding a teeny bit the day after. But the second time it hurt more i think its because it was like the day or two after and the 'wound' was sort of still healing so thats why it hurt then. But yeah he stopped when it hurt the first time and took it really slowly. Dont worry about it the pain isnt gonna exactly kill you and that tiny bit of uncomfort is so so worth it. You shouldnt be scared go for it. :smile:
my first time hurt a loooooooot.... i thought id not stand him getting pleasure while me thinking "when is this hell gonna end?"... but closer to the end it felt much better.. lol. And if u lose your virginity to a caring guy, it will be fine.. cos in my case it was a one-night stand on the beach with a guy i never really cared about, so he didnt care about me feeling good.. :frown: But its just the first time though.. so good luck! :smile:

oh ye, btw, try to avoid having your first time at some "weird place".. just a tip lol
My first time hurt hardly at all..I was a bit sore afterwards, but it was all bearable. There was no blood or anything =)
Weird places aren't that bad, I was in a garden! Beaches probably not a good idea though, lol.

LUBE, lots of it, and try different positions. On top seemed most comfortable to me.

If like me tampons were too daunting them I'm afraid it will hurt. Painkillers might help, about 15 minutes before. I think the best thing to do with your hymen is just let him crash through it. It'll be painful but the worst will be over, after that you'll just need to practise a bit to loosen up and all that but it'll be a gradual process and everything'll help.
Anything you do that doesn't break your hymen will ultimately have been pointless so just get that done. You'll probably feel it sort of snap, I did.
I'd never used tampons and it didn't hurt.
stuff like this going hurt so best to both relax take your time stop as when you need to before starting again.
Why are people saying it's definitely going to hurt? It's not a proven fact that it will.
Reply 16
i didnt think it hurt at all and the also inexperienced guy i was with had never heard of foreplay so looking back, it should have hurt. but it didnt. i would describe it as a tiny bit uncomfortable but that was all

good luck, i didnt think it was as bad as people had made it out to be and i was stupidly young at the time, so hopefully you are older and in a stable relationship with a great guy, and it will all be fine :smile:
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Hmmm, maybe you could perhaps use a penis replica type *toy* from somewhere like Ann Summers first? Sort of to get the pain part out of the way so you actually enjoy your first time?
Ha! 'Penis replica' made me laugh :biggrin:
lol weird places are cool when you already know what to do.. lol