The Student Room Group

how to ask the big question: will you live with me?

OK, here's the situation, im at uni, in a really **** house, feels like l'm always alone, made a fair bunch of mates but theres only four i feel that close enough to to think about living with next year...

1&2 Chris and Zane - out of the question....... see below
3. Mel - as close as a feel to her, NO, a, i fancy her, b, shes in with all girls
4. Joe - PERFECT he's moving out with his flatmates and we get on brilliantly! But...

OK, i'm disabled, I have cerebral palsy, and although i have 2 scheduled hours of domestic support a day, l know people can feel like they'll worry to much about me which is why Chris had to turn me down, he just said he'll feel too uncomfortable with knowing im there. Also, I will need a specific flat with adaptions and ****. Joe is the only guy i can really ask, but i feel it will make him feel awkward.

Do I just 4get about my disability and ask him straight or what?? What would someone do in this situation?


OH and, fooled yer! This thread wasnt about what you thoughtQ
Reply 1
How hard would it be to get a flat adapted for you? Or would you have to pick one that was already adapted? What would be involved in sorting out a flat for you before you moved in? To what extent do you need the physical support of your flatmates?
Reply 2
I'd say go ahead and ask him. Make it clear that its up to him and he shouldn't feel compelled to say yes. One of the guys I live with has narcolepsy (not anything like cerebral palsy I know!) which does mean we have to sort of adapt to his sleeping patterns etc. Sometimes he'll fall asleep and you can't watch tv and stuff, but to be honest he looks after himself with tablets, rest breaks etc and its all fine and dandy. I'd say as long as it will not affect their lives particularly it should be fine. They obviously already know you and know you need help and adaptations so he should be able to make his own mind up taking that into consideration.
Reply 3
zain88
How hard would it be to get a flat adapted for you? Or would you have to pick one that was already adapted? What would be involved in sorting out a flat for you before you moved in? To what extent do you need the physical support of your flatmates?
OK, i need level ground floor access, no steps at all, walk in shower, room for my mobility scooter and an accessible kitchen.... Does that sound too much??
Reply 4
Eccentric Man
OK, i need level ground floor access, no steps at all, walk in shower, room for my mobility scooter and an accessible kitchen.... Does that sound too much??


Not really. A lot of flats will probably have all that without the intention of being suitable for someone like yourself. Although when you are looking for places, it will narrow your options down. If Joey(?) and his friends are nice, they will be considerate about these things. If you get on well with them, just ask! Bring up the subject by asking if they have started looking for places yet, and then ask if they'd like to live with you too, or that you'd really like to live with them.

Personally, I'd have no problem if I were to look for a flat with you, because you seem pretty much self-sufficient in most ways and I'd know it wouldn't change my lifestyle living with you.
If you need to find suitable properties, might be worth asking the Disability Office at your uni - I'm sure they'll have lots of experience of people finding suitable accommodation. Shouldn't be too difficult...

It's understandable that your friends might be a little unsure and worried about sharing next year - they feel it's a big responsibility as they'll be helping you out a bit, they don't want to get in the way/do anything wrong to hurt you etc. Maybe go and talk to Joe, and say 'Oh, I don't know what to do about living somewhere next year, 'cause everyone seems to be scared that I need slightly different arrangements,' then explain that they're not going to be that huge (which they aren't) and perhaps then suggest living with Joe? That shouldn't be too scary...

Oh, and btw, I'm having a similar problem - try finding a house in the centre of Bristol which has a huge car parking space, a ramp/flat entry and no stairs! Playing the harp makes finding a house impossible, so I totally empathise with you :smile: *hug*