my life has become a truly huge mess... need advice and sympathy and hugs

i got pregnant in late october by a long distance sort of bf. when i got pregnant, he and i talked every day, but sometimes i had to call him a million times because he wouldnt answer - he would want a night off to drink with the lads. however, obviously i couldnt take a break from being sick and pregnant! He didnt even offer to come be with me for the abortion. He also was sleeping with other girls before and after the pregnancy. I had an abortion in late Dec., which was the right choice, but extremely hard. After that, he and i went on hols to asia, which was good, but i didnt really have to deal with my grief. we fought on the hols - i wanted more of a relationship, he didnt. He also told me I didnt have any sex appeal and wasnt sexy. When we got back from hols and went back to our seperate unis, he started blowing me off, even though i was feeling horribly sad about the abortion. Finally, I had a panic attack from post traumatic stress and had to go to the hospital. on my way to the hospital, he called me and told me he didnt want to deal with my "drama" anymore. Its been 2 days since I got out of hospital (i was there for 2 days) and he hasnt even called to see whether im ok. I finally broke down and told my parents about the abortion... theyve been good and im home from uni for a few days, until i go back (and get some therapy etc). They say I can never talk to/see this guy again because he treats me badly. what do i do? im feeling so sad and confused... ive been through a lot.

Reply 1

nursing_sue

2

You're so much better off without him! He was sleeping with other girls, so you obviously don't mean as much to him as he does to you. Have you been offerred any counselling? You've been through a lot in such a small space of time, so it might help you work through things.

And make sure you tell your uni what is happening.

Reply 2

Philosoraptor

18

First of all - *hugs* as requested :wink:

Secondly, I'm pretty sure you should end it with that guy, he's not worth your time! Now you need to recover, use your family / friends to help.

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

OP

my uni knows whats happening (my mom met with someone)... and im getting counselling. im just so sad, you know?

Reply 4

MNBStyle

9

I think your parents are right to say you shouldn't talk to this guy again hes clearly a little **** who has no respect and has probablly made the whole thing alot worse for you.
I think you need to slow down and take your time with this, dont feel you have to rush back into anything go at your own pace, is there any friends you could talk to aswell about this???
It would help to let the Uni know whats going on, and i feel counselling would be a good option for you if this has not been offered already.
But only when your ready remember. Welcome to PM me anytime aswell, i know its unlikely you will but the offer is there.

Anonymous

im just so sad, you know?

Yes i can imagine how sad you must feel right now, these feelings will improve with time even thoe it won't feel like it right now.
Aslong as you go at your own pace and dont feel pressured into rushing into anything, im sure the counsellor will mention all of this thoe.

Reply 5

Nix!

11

The guy is clearly a ********. You really are better off without him, concentrate on some 'me time' and look after yourself for a bit. Find yourself a fella that will look after you instead of this piece of **** :smile:

*Big hug*

Reply 6

khil

15

Anonymous

i got pregnant in late october by a long distance sort of bf. when i got pregnant, he and i talked every day, but sometimes i had to call him a million times because he wouldnt answer - he would want a night off to drink with the lads. however, obviously i couldnt take a break from being sick and pregnant! He didnt even offer to come be with me for the abortion. He also was sleeping with other girls before and after the pregnancy. I had an abortion in late Dec., which was the right choice, but extremely hard. After that, he and i went on hols to asia, which was good, but i didnt really have to deal with my grief. we fought on the hols - i wanted more of a relationship, he didnt. He also told me I didnt have any sex appeal and wasnt sexy. When we got back from hols and went back to our seperate unis, he started blowing me off, even though i was feeling horribly sad about the abortion. Finally, I had a panic attack from post traumatic stress and had to go to the hospital. on my way to the hospital, he called me and told me he didnt want to deal with my "drama" anymore. Its been 2 days since I got out of hospital (i was there for 2 days) and he hasnt even called to see whether im ok. I finally broke down and told my parents about the abortion... theyve been good and im home from uni for a few days, until i go back (and get some therapy etc). They say I can never talk to/see this guy again because he treats me badly. what do i do? im feeling so sad and confused... ive been through a lot.

Oh honey

You should have consulted your parents before the abortion! By the sounds of things, they would've been supportive if you chose to keep the baby, then you needn't have aborted it. But what's done is done now - you did the right thing by telling your family about this. They'll be there for you, don't worry.

And as for what you do - let yourself grieve and cry it out, I think. Bottling it up will only hurt you. I'm glad you're brave enough for therapy :smile:

it'll do you good to sort your emotions out. As for the guy - forget about him. He sounds like a jerk who couldn't care less about anything other than himself. Let your family support you and your therapist help you and listen to what your parents said about that guy - don't bother with him anymore. He's not worth it.

Reply 7

Anonymous #1

OP

its so hard to give up a love... but i think if he really loved me he would have been more there for me.

Reply 8

Nix!

11

Anonymous

its so hard to give up a love... but i think if he really loved me he would have been more there for me.

Don't even give him the benefit of the doubt of pretending you loved such an asshat. He treated you like a piece of dirt and you think he loved you? You're mistaken I'm afraid.

It's not easy, no. But when you realise how lucky you are now, those feelings will vanish.

Reply 9

Talon

18

I cant really add to whats already been said so ill just give the *hugs*.

Reply 10

MNBStyle

9

Anonymous

its so hard to give up a love... but i think if he really loved me he would have been more there for me.

Thats right, and i realise how hard it probablly is for you to accept that, perhaps you have or want to be indenial about it.
I also understand no matter what hes done, or what everyone says about him, it will still be very hard for you to move on from him and maybe itll be natural for you to miss him, maybe you dont feel this way thoe. But you have to keep reminding yourself you are much better off without this guy, and note the facts that show he don't truely love you.
Maybe it will be hard but alot better for you :smile:

Reply 11

khil

15

Anonymous

its so hard to give up a love... but i think if he really loved me he would have been more there for me.

You see this ideal in him that you've probably conjured up yourself, or else it's something that the guy was but never will be again. Stop the illusions of thinking either that you could change him or he would change into what you know he could be. I was exactly like this about 2, 3 years ago over an online guy, the naive girl that I was - and I kept knowing and seeing what he could be but I never realised - this is just what/who he IS and whatever potential I saw in him was worthless.

Accept that he's gone from your life - and realise him for the true jerk that he is. You'll heal and get over him :smile:

just give yourself time.

Reply 12

Clubber Lang

15

Forgot him - its obvious

Did you post on here before your abortion? I remember someone posting to say they were in a simialr situation to you (long distance BF, pregnant and about to go on holiday)

Reply 13

Anonymous #1

OP

Clubber Lang

Forgot him - its obvious

Did you post on here before your abortion? I remember someone posting to say they were in a simialr situation to you (long distance BF, pregnant and about to go on holiday)

yes, i did post before the abortion. and obviously things have gone uphill since then :rolleyes:

Reply 14

matt@internet

12

I remember you posting about this. Anyway sympathy, hugs, forget the jackass. Those are good medicines I guess.

Reply 15

he_is_innocent

Hugs and sympathy xXx xXx xXx xXx

I know it's hard but it might be the best thing for you to try and move on from him now (I know it's easy to say, especially if I'm not and haven't been in your situation) but trying to sort things out or whatever with him will mean that when you do feel better from the PTS and the abortion (which you will, even if you can't see it now) you'll have something else to try and get yourself through. It might be easier putting it all together and getting it all over with now. I hope it all goes okay for you,

More hugs and sympathy xXx xXx

Reply 16

Tag

8

if i knew who he was, i would personally pay for a train ticket to wherever he is and pesonally kick him in the balls for you. WHAT a ******, he deserves to die a very painful death. Or at the very least be tortured for a few weeks. You deserve sooo much better. I hate it when people downplay traumatic events such a abortions and downplay it to drama. He has no ****ing idea. hHoney i'm so glad you're shot of him. be a smart woman, keep it that way!

Reply 17

Anthonyjm71

9

Clubber Lang

Forgot him - its obvious

Did you post on here before your abortion? I remember someone posting to say they were in a simialr situation to you (long distance BF, pregnant and about to go on holiday)

best piece of advice.

Reply 18

Anonymous #2

get on with life and you'll quickly fill your head with other stuff

youve just got to move on, its the only way

Reply 19

Anonymous #3

move on obviosly hes a total t**ser and loser.

my life has become a truly huge mess... need advice and sympathy and hugs

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