Family and Friends' influence on Relationships!

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lyrical_lie
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Hey everyone!

I thought of something we could all have a wee chat about!

Do you feel that your friends and family and approval affects your relationship. Looking back at a past relationship of mine. I feel that it definitely does. I went out with this boy who my friends really didn't like. They were never mean or anything but they made it clear they though he was a bit strange. I didn't particularly care and continued to go out with him. A few months later we broke up. However looking back now that I'm a bit older and wiser and I can see that they must have had a huge effect on me. Things I would have brushed off and not thought much of it became more of an issue as my friends were telling me I shouldn't be treated like that etc.

Have any of you had a similar experience?

Also you family life, do you feel this affects your relationship. I'm very very close to my mum and I know if she didn't like a boy I would have some serious considerations on whether or not I should be dating him. Not because she didn't approve but I would have to ask myself what was putting my mum off him.

Again do people agree disagree here?

sources if interested
Etcheverry, P. E., Le, B., & Charania, M. R. (2008). Perceived versus reported social referent approval and romantic relationship commitment and

persistence. Personal Relationships, 15(3), 281–295. http://doi.org/10.1111/j.1475-6811.2008.00199.x

Furman, W., & Collins, W. A. (2011). Adolescent romantic relationships and experiences. In K. H. Rubin, W. B. Bukowski, & B. Laursen (Eds.), Handbook of

Peer Interactions, Relationships, and Groups (pp. 341–360). New York: Guilford Press.

Green, J. D., Burnette, J. L., & Davis, J. L. (2008). Third-Party Forgiveness: (Not) Forgiving Your Close Other’s Betrayer. Personality and Social Psychology

Bulletin, 34(3), 407–418. http://doi.org/10.1177/0146167207311534

Johnson, M. D., & Galambos, N. L. (2014). Paths to Intimate Relationship Quality From Parent–Adolescent Relations and Mental Health. Journal of Marriage

and Family, 76(1), 145–160.

Karney, B. R., Beckett, M. K., Collins, R. L., & Shaw, R. (2007). Adolescent romantic relationships as precursors of healthy adult marriages: a review of theory,

research, and programs. Santa Monica, CA: RAND Corp.

Loving, T. J. (2006). Predicting dating relationship fate with insiders’ and outsiders’ perspectives: Who and what is asked matters. Personal Relationships,

13(3), 349–362. http://doi.org/10.1111/j.1475-6811.2006.00122.x

Mission Australia. (2013). Youth survey 2013.

Murray, S. L., & Holmes, J. G. (1997). A Leap of Faith? Positive Illusions in Romantic Relationships. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 23(6), 586–604.

http://doi.org/10.1177/0146167297236003

Richard Driscoll, K. E. D. (1972). Parental interference and romantic love: the Romeo and Juliet effect. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 24(1),

1–10. http://doi.org/10.1037/h0033373

Simon, R. W., Eder, D., & Evans, C. (1992). The Development of Feeling Norms Underlying Romantic Love Among Adolescent Females. Social Psychology

Quarterly, 55(1), 29–46. http://doi.org/10.2307/2786684

Sprecher, S. (2011). The influence of social networks on romantic relationships: Through the lens of the social network. Personal Relationships, 18(4),

630–644. http://doi.org/10.1111/j.1475-6811.2010.01330.x

Sprecher, S., & Felmlee, D. (1992). The Influence of Parents and Friends on the Quality and Stability of Romantic Relationships: A Three-Wave Longitudinal

Investigation. Journal of Marriage and Family, 54(4), 888–900. http://doi.org/10.2307/353170

Sprecher, S., & Felmlee, D. (2000). Romantic partners’perceptions of social network attributes with the passage of time and relationship transitions.

Personal Relationships, 7(4), 325–340. http://doi.org/10.1111/j.1475-6811.2000.tb00020.x

Wood, R. G., Avellar, S., & Goesling, B. (2008). Pathways to Adulthood and Marriage: Teenagers’ Attitudes, Expectations, and Relationship Patterns (ASPE

Report). Office of the assistant Secretary for Planning and Evaluation. Retrieved from http://aspe.dhhs.gov/hsp/08/pathways2adulthood/rb.pdf
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william walker
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I do believe friends, family and relationships should be kept separate.
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peanutbuttercup
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I completely agree!! Usually my family influences any potential relationships I may have, which is probably why I'm still single . For me it's a good thing though - my mum has the greatest influence on this, but that's because I know she knows exactly what's best for me and what I deserve whereas I lack self esteem and so I don't always make the best decisions if I only think for myself as I've seen in my selection of previous guys. I wouldn't want to get romantically involved with someone if I couldn't see myself marrying them somewhere along the line, so in the early stages I often think about whether my family would approve - I'm very family oriented so this is quite a big thing for me. It actually helps me ensure I get treated the way I deserve... My brother hated my ex and I couldn't see why until after he dumped me and I realised he was douche so yeh, more often than not they are right!
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MrsSheldonCooper
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(Original post by Dinaa)
Well yeah, as a muslim girl, I'm not allowed a boyfriend so when I do have one it is totally secret.

My mum found out about my ex by reading my diary. She made me swear to allah/quran I would never communicate with him again, or else she'll tell my dad and **** was going to go down if he found out... :erm:

The secrecy can get really annoying because I'd rather be open and talk about whatever with my mum, but I just can't.

Atm, with my current bf, obviously parents are unaware, but it's frustrating being the 'complicated one' in the relationship. Makes you feel like he'll somewhat get frustrated too and feel like 'wtf, I could have another girl who is less complicated' lol.

Getting out and going on dates is a struggle too, but we manage. :blushing:

With friends ffs, my family don't like me talking to any 'kafirs' non-muslims, which sucks because all my friends are black and either christian or agnostic. So yeah I can't talk to my mum about them smh.


But anyway, whatever happens I do what is right and that is what makes me happy. They always say 'Parents know what is right/best for you', but lettuce be real now... No they don't.

Ciao
Literally the same thing with me. Terrified he'd want a less complicated girl
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username1533709
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(Original post by Dinaa)
Well yeah, as a muslim girl, I'm not allowed a boyfriend so when I do have one it is totally secret.

My mum found out about my ex by reading my diary. She made me swear to allah/quran I would never communicate with him again, or else she'll tell my dad and **** was going to go down if he found out... :erm:

The secrecy can get really annoying because I'd rather be open and talk about whatever with my mum, but I just can't.

Atm, with my current bf, obviously parents are unaware, but it's frustrating being the 'complicated one' in the relationship. Makes you feel like he'll somewhat get frustrated too and feel like 'wtf, I could have another girl who is less complicated' lol.

Getting out and going on dates is a struggle too, but we manage. :blushing:

With friends ffs, my family don't like me talking to any 'kafirs' non-muslims, which sucks because all my friends are black and either christian or agnostic. So yeah I can't talk to my mum about them smh.


But anyway, whatever happens I do what is right and that is what makes me happy. They always say 'Parents know what is right/best for you', but lettuce be real now... No they don't.

Ciao
Can I be your Black muslim-ish friend as well ?
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The_Lonely_Goatherd
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I can - and have, in the past - be quite stubborn about these type of things but family and certain friends' approval is very important to me. Like there is a relationship I would like to be in with someone but even if that person reciprocated my feelings, I would not be able to bring myself to have a relationship with them because there is no way on earth my family or friends would support it, and I trust their judgement more than my own in this particular case.

But I guess it all depends on how strong the feelings involved are, doesn't it? :ninja:
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maryamzahid
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yes, whenever I was with someone my dad would always find out and have a problem with it, often filling me with insecurities and so on about the other person.
Even though I am single, my dad still doesn't like me talking to anyone or having a proper boyfriend.
that being said-it has come to a point where I don't listen to what he says no more as I know that because of him, I have lost so many people I have deeply cared for.
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username1533709
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(Original post by Dinaa)
We're both solid af/ :cool:



Lol..
Does this mean Im part of your crew now ?
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username1533709
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Guess not.
(Original post by Dinaa)
Lol..
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Anonymous #1
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Both my parents are accepting of the fact that my sisters and I have boyfriends, but we have to be careful what we do around them (they don't like us being too close in public / near my parents)
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Dinaa
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(Original post by Kadak)
Guess not.
Lol..
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username1308327
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(Original post by william walker)
I do believe friends, family and relationships should be kept separate.
I agree, I do think that friends, family and relationships should be kept separate.
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Rum Ham
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My family have always liked my bf and they all get on like a house on fire. My bf's family have never been too accepting of me however. My partner's dad didn't want his son to get involved with girls until he had taken over his dad's business and basically, lived out the life his dad had planned for him. He was the first born son so he had high hopes for him. My partner never wanted to join his dad's business. Its a building/joinery type business and my bf is into computing instead.

So at first my bf told his dad about me but refused to let me meet him for fear his dad would start and lo and behold it did. He gave my partner an ultimatum, he had to dump me or he would be kicked out. He ended up walking out and told his dad the truth finally about not wanting to join the business and that he was suicidal from the stress his dad put on him. That was when we first started dating 6 years ago. He then moved in with my gran and then we got our own place.

Years on his dad has mostly accepted my partner's choices in life though you can still tell he is disappointed with some things especially the business and that me and my partner are never having children.

I do believe in keeping family, friends and partners separate to a certain extent. I do respect and listen to anyone's opinion on my partner but from experience, families butting in and family's expectations can put such a strain on both the person and the relationship.
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william walker
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(Original post by kittykatxoxo)
I agree, I do think that friends, family and relationships should be kept separate.
Otherwise you end up just making things complicated with your family, friend and relationship always trying to manipulate you.
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Joshale
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No, I wouldn't let my family get a say in who I date, or what not. Friends is different, as they may know the girl, and some bad things about her etc, but generally speaking no, I don't let them influence me.
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lyrical_lie
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(Original post by Joshale)
No, I wouldn't let my family get a say in who I date, or what not. Friends is different, as they may know the girl, and some bad things about her etc, but generally speaking no, I don't let them influence me.
Do you think it could be a subconscious influence on you?

(Original post by william walker)
Otherwise you end up just making things complicated with your family, friend and relationship always trying to manipulate you.
If your friends are trying to manipulate you maybe you should question their friendship?

(Original post by Spock's Socks)
My family have always liked my bf and they all get on like a house on fire. My bf's family have never been too accepting of me however. My partner's dad didn't want his son to get involved with girls until he had taken over his dad's business and basically, lived out the life his dad had planned for him. He was the first born son so he had high hopes for him. My partner never wanted to join his dad's business. Its a building/joinery type business and my bf is into computing instead.

So at first my bf told his dad about me but refused to let me meet him for fear his dad would start and lo and behold it did. He gave my partner an ultimatum, he had to dump me or he would be kicked out. He ended up walking out and told his dad the truth finally about not wanting to join the business and that he was suicidal from the stress his dad put on him. That was when we first started dating 6 years ago. He then moved in with my gran and then we got our own place.

Years on his dad has mostly accepted my partner's choices in life though you can still tell he is disappointed with some things especially the business and that me and my partner are never having children.

I do believe in keeping family, friends and partners separate to a certain extent. I do respect and listen to anyone's opinion on my partner but from experience, families butting in and family's expectations can put such a strain on both the person and the relationship.
Posted from TSR Mobile
Thank you for sharing your story with us! I'm glad your family was welcoming to your boyfriend. Even though there were definitely a rough path for your boyfriend at least he gets to follow his own path now!
(Original post by kittykatxoxo)
I agree, I do think that friends, family and relationships should be kept separate.
What happens when you date on of your friends? Would you never introduce them to your family even after years of going out?

(Original post by Anonymous)
Both my parents are accepting of the fact that my sisters and I have boyfriends, but we have to be careful what we do around them (they don't like us being too close in public / near my parents)
Do you think that's more because they think of you as their little girls? Also I'm never to affectionate with my boyfriend when my mum's around. I just find it weird lol.
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Joshale
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(Original post by lyrical_lie)
Do you think it could be a subconscious influence on you?
really depends what has been said, if I heard she's been a huge cheat, then yes it will, but if it's just because my parents don't like her, than I'll probably rebel against their opinion as I don't like to be told who I can date and not date.
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claireestelle
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My family and friends have always been supportive of my choices in relationships. My current partner gets on really well with my friends and family, they wouldn't be great friends if we didnt all support each other and respect each others choices.
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lyrical_lie
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(Original post by Joshale)
really depends what has been said, if I heard she's been a huge cheat, then yes it will, but if it's just because my parents don't like her, than I'll probably rebel against their opinion as I don't like to be told who I can date and not date.
No what I mean is about your choices. So if a sibling has said to you when you were wee "oh blonde girls are so pretty" do you think that has affected you. Or if in your family one of your parents stays at home and the other works would you look for a similar set up in your relationships?
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Zechs
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(Original post by lyrical_lie)
Hey everyone!

I thought of something we could all have a wee chat about!

Do you feel that your friends and family and approval affects your relationship. Looking back at a past relationship of mine. I feel that it definitely does. I went out with this boy who my friends really didn't like. They were never mean or anything but they made it clear they though he was a bit strange. I didn't particularly care and continued to go out with him. A few months later we broke up. However looking back now that I'm a bit older and wiser and I can see that they must have had a huge effect on me. Things I would have brushed off and not thought much of it became more of an issue as my friends were telling me I shouldn't be treated like that etc.

Have any of you had a similar experience?

Also you family life, do you feel this affects your relationship. I'm very very close to my mum and I know if she didn't like a boy I would have some serious considerations on whether or not I should be dating him. Not because she didn't approve but I would have to ask myself what was putting my mum off him.

Again do people agree disagree here?

sources if interested
Etcheverry, P. E., Le, B., & Charania, M. R. (2008). Perceived versus reported social referent approval and romantic relationship commitment and

persistence. Personal Relationships, 15(3), 281–295. http://doi.org/10.1111/j.1475-6811.2008.00199.x

Furman, W., & Collins, W. A. (2011). Adolescent romantic relationships and experiences. In K. H. Rubin, W. B. Bukowski, & B. Laursen (Eds.), Handbook of

Peer Interactions, Relationships, and Groups (pp. 341–360). New York: Guilford Press.

Green, J. D., Burnette, J. L., & Davis, J. L. (2008). Third-Party Forgiveness: (Not) Forgiving Your Close Other’s Betrayer. Personality and Social Psychology

Bulletin, 34(3), 407–418. http://doi.org/10.1177/0146167207311534

Johnson, M. D., & Galambos, N. L. (2014). Paths to Intimate Relationship Quality From Parent–Adolescent Relations and Mental Health. Journal of Marriage

and Family, 76(1), 145–160.

Karney, B. R., Beckett, M. K., Collins, R. L., & Shaw, R. (2007). Adolescent romantic relationships as precursors of healthy adult marriages: a review of theory,

research, and programs. Santa Monica, CA: RAND Corp.

Loving, T. J. (2006). Predicting dating relationship fate with insiders’ and outsiders’ perspectives: Who and what is asked matters. Personal Relationships,

13(3), 349–362. http://doi.org/10.1111/j.1475-6811.2006.00122.x

Mission Australia. (2013). Youth survey 2013.

Murray, S. L., & Holmes, J. G. (1997). A Leap of Faith? Positive Illusions in Romantic Relationships. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 23(6), 586–604.

http://doi.org/10.1177/0146167297236003

Richard Driscoll, K. E. D. (1972). Parental interference and romantic love: the Romeo and Juliet effect. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 24(1),

1–10. http://doi.org/10.1037/h0033373

Simon, R. W., Eder, D., & Evans, C. (1992). The Development of Feeling Norms Underlying Romantic Love Among Adolescent Females. Social Psychology

Quarterly, 55(1), 29–46. http://doi.org/10.2307/2786684

Sprecher, S. (2011). The influence of social networks on romantic relationships: Through the lens of the social network. Personal Relationships, 18(4),

630–644. http://doi.org/10.1111/j.1475-6811.2010.01330.x

Sprecher, S., & Felmlee, D. (1992). The Influence of Parents and Friends on the Quality and Stability of Romantic Relationships: A Three-Wave Longitudinal

Investigation. Journal of Marriage and Family, 54(4), 888–900. http://doi.org/10.2307/353170

Sprecher, S., & Felmlee, D. (2000). Romantic partners’perceptions of social network attributes with the passage of time and relationship transitions.

Personal Relationships, 7(4), 325–340. http://doi.org/10.1111/j.1475-6811.2000.tb00020.x

Wood, R. G., Avellar, S., & Goesling, B. (2008). Pathways to Adulthood and Marriage: Teenagers’ Attitudes, Expectations, and Relationship Patterns (ASPE

Report). Office of the assistant Secretary for Planning and Evaluation. Retrieved from http://aspe.dhhs.gov/hsp/08/pathways2adulthood/rb.pdf
You contradict yourself in your last paragraph really confusing , you probably don't think there is a contradiction but there really is. You either change your mind because of your mother's approval or you do not, you can't have it both ways. For me it would depend entirely on why my family disliked my partner for the most part I don't think they would interfere in my relationships though.
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