Love vs uni! Watch

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Sarky
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#121
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#121
(Original post by F. Poste)
I am in a similar situation to most of you girls- me and my boyfriend plan to stay together despite going to different unis. However, it's easier for me because my boyfriend is going to Oxford Brookes and I'm going to Oxford, so I'll get to see him quite a bit. However, we've been to the same school and been in most of the same classes together for 2 years, but now we'll both be involved with our own unis- same city, but different social circle, activities and work.

I'm looking forward to a bit of independence, as our lives are a bit too interlinked now, but I was thinking of him going up before me and going to uni all alone and it felt funny. I sort of wish I could be there to protect him as he's quite shy and I'm more extrovert and chatty. That's a bit silly though, I know.
I understand what you mean about the difference in personality. Even though my bf is older he's much quiter and i worry that i'll feel guilty wanting to have a full uni social life when he'll be sitting at home. I really hope he gets out and makes lots of friends because i don't want to feel resentful and that i owe it to him to spend all my time with him! That sounds awful. Southampton will be a new start for both of us i'm hoping.
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slowjamz
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#122
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#122
(Original post by lou p lou)
hehe, it's when his mate comes up to him in a bar and grabs his arse and gives him a peck on the cheek (perfectly sobercos he works there) that you get worried... i'm sure i go out with my bf's best mate as well half the time

lou xxx
Now don't get me started on my bf's best mate! None of his closest friends have ever had a long-term gf (and they're 22!) and I regularly feel like there's 3 of us in the relationship. The sheer amount of times me, him and his best buddy have gone to movies or for a drink as a threesome is just funny...
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Sami_ThePeelite
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#123
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well, to your first point, i'm not trying to attach a pseudo-scientific analysis to anything, i've not done sciences since gcse - i was approaching it in a philosophical manner with a hint of a cultural context

to you second, no - personally i don't want to fall in love because it makes you look at things through rose-tinted glasses, everything is nice, beautiful, you partner is in total love with you and when we have sex, it's passionate, loving and i'm doing it to provide her with as much enjoyment as i - it's all romanticized to the point of sillyness

I can be happy without love ! millions, nay billions, of people are happy without love - it means i can be selfish without trying to cover it with love and a facade of selflessness towards a partner
?

and to your 3rd, yes they may be satisfied to an extent, but not to that of which you are, it's just far too conjectural to disagree/agree with what either of us say, it's the fundamental flaw
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blissy
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#124
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#124
(Original post by slowjamz)
Now don't get me started on my bf's best mate! None of his closest friends have ever had a long-term gf (and they're 22!) and I regularly feel like there's 3 of us in the relationship. The sheer amount of times me, him and his best buddy have gone to movies or for a drink as a threesome is just funny...
My bf's two best mates have girlfriends and we all go out together and it's great cause the girlies go off anf flirt... and the boys well they play pool. It can cause some very interesting situations... !! They go shopping together and we all get the same present sometimes LOL
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lou p lou
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#125
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#125
(Original post by slowjamz)
Now don't get me started on my bf's best mate! None of his closest friends have ever had a long-term gf (and they're 22!) and I regularly feel like there's 3 of us in the relationship. The sheer amount of times me, him and his best buddy have gone to movies or for a drink as a threesome is just funny...
this mate has just come out of a 2 year relationship about a fortnight ago (he was just as bad when he was in it). he even offers to pick us up at ungodly hours and despite the fact i live the opposite end of town:rolleyes:

lou xxx
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slowjamz
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#126
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#126
(Original post by F. Poste)
I am in a similar situation to most of you girls- me and my boyfriend plan to stay together despite going to different unis. However, it's easier for me because my boyfriend is going to Oxford Brookes and I'm going to Oxford, so I'll get to see him quite a bit. However, we've been to the same school and been in most of the same classes together for 2 years, but now we'll both be involved with our own unis- same city, but different social circle, activities and work.

I'm looking forward to a bit of independence, as our lives are a bit too interlinked now, but I was thinking of him going up before me and going to uni all alone and it felt funny. I sort of wish I could be there to protect him as he's quite shy and I'm more extrovert and chatty. That's a bit silly though, I know.
Sounds like it might be the perfect opportunity for you both to find your feet and your own circles of friends whilst growing as a couple I really hope it goes well. Hopefully he'll grow in confidence too as it's always easier to hide behind the more outgoing one in a partnership. You're lucky you'll be close enough to see each other regularly without having to miss out on uni stuff - I really hope it all goes brilliantly
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lou p lou
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#127
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#127
(Original post by blissy)
My bf's two best mates have girlfriends and we all go out together and it's great cause the girlies go off anf flirt... and the boys well they play pool. It can cause some very interesting situations... !! They go shopping together and we all get the same present sometimes LOL
lol! last week me and my ex-bf went and bought the same present for someone and it was really random as well

lou xxx
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slowjamz
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#128
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#128
(Original post by blissy)
My bf's two best mates have girlfriends and we all go out together and it's great cause the girlies go off anf flirt... and the boys well they play pool. It can cause some very interesting situations... !! They go shopping together and we all get the same present sometimes LOL
Wish I had that! My bf's two best mates can't hang onto a girl for five minutes. The amount of times we've gone on double dates with one or other of them and I've really had a good time chatting to the girl, making an effort to get to know her - and then never see her again. They're hopeless. It'd make it easier on us too - I get along superbly with his mates (and was friends with one of them before I knew my bf) but there's a lot of pressure of him to have "boy's nights" sometimes when he wants to include me just because the others don't have girls to bring along.
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Sami_ThePeelite
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#129
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#129
(Original post by Adhsur)
Well to be fair, it wasn't meant to be a philosophical discussion on the existence of love, but rather a view on relationships which exist regardless of whether love does.


hahah that's true - but i mean the 'loveydoveyness' of it, the crustiness, very unsettling lol,


its like when your in the company of two people in a relationship or if someone starts talking about their relationship etc....

last person i spoke to who was in love ended the relationship after her b/f grabbed her by the throat, gave her a black eye and hung around outside her window for 5 weeks after breaking up and cries all the time down the phone to her,


love is obbsesive and weird
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slowjamz
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#130
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#130
(Original post by Sami_ThePeelite)
love is obbsesive and weird
I wouldn't disagree with that. But it's like anything which has extremes of beauty and happiness - the highs are so very high that the lows are correspondingly low.

I still wouldn't miss out on it for anything though, lows and all.
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F. Poste
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#131
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(Original post by Sarky)
I understand what you mean about the difference in personality. Even though my bf is older he's much quiter and i worry that i'll feel guilty wanting to have a full uni social life when he'll be sitting at home. I really hope he gets out and makes lots of friends because i don't want to feel resentful and that i owe it to him to spend all my time with him! That sounds awful. Southampton will be a new start for both of us i'm hoping.
If that sounds awful, then I'm awful too because I feel the same way! I suppose that's the downside to going to a new place together- it's that little bit harder to carve out your own life because you're already linked to someone. I personally intend to get the best out of uni and.. well, "find myself", as cheesy as that is. I love him lots but I need a little breathing space to grow up in and find out what I want out of life. I hope that it's the same way for him too- he says he does and I hope he means it!
I wish good luck to us both with our new starts
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slowjamz
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#132
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#132
(Original post by F. Poste)
If that sounds awful, then I'm awful too because I feel the same way! I suppose that's the downside to going to a new place together- it's that little bit harder to carve out your own life because you're already linked to someone. I personally intend to get the best out of uni and.. well, "find myself", as cheesy as that is. I love him lots but I need a little breathing space to grow up in and find out what I want out of life. I hope that it's the same way for him too- he says he does and I hope he means it!
I wish good luck to us both with our new starts
I feel very similar and it's good to know I'm not the only one. My bf will be 3 hours away but I worry that spending lots of time visiting each other and talking/texting/e-mailing is going to mean that I miss out on some aspect of uni. I don't want to spend weekends sitting in my room because he's come to visit. That's why I'm determined to throw myself into it all and get as much out of it as possible - I just don't want to look back in a few years and think he held me back, because I don't ever want to resent him. Hopefully he can get to know my uni mates, and we can both benefit from having some breathing room in the weeks in between. My hope is that it makes us stronger rather than growing apart, but I guess we'll see.
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Sarky
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#133
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#133
(Original post by F. Poste)
If that sounds awful, then I'm awful too because I feel the same way! I suppose that's the downside to going to a new place together- it's that little bit harder to carve out your own life because you're already linked to someone. I personally intend to get the best out of uni and.. well, "find myself", as cheesy as that is. I love him lots but I need a little breathing space to grow up in and find out what I want out of life. I hope that it's the same way for him too- he says he does and I hope he means it!
I wish good luck to us both with our new starts
Well i've got a 6yr degree ahead and i'll be damned if i'm not going to enjoy myself lol. I wouldn't deny myself that for anyone.
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F. Poste
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#134
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(Original post by slowjamz)
Sounds like it might be the perfect opportunity for you both to find your feet and your own circles of friends whilst growing as a couple I really hope it goes well. Hopefully he'll grow in confidence too as it's always easier to hide behind the more outgoing one in a partnership. You're lucky you'll be close enough to see each other regularly without having to miss out on uni stuff - I really hope it all goes brilliantly
I hope so too Thank you and I hope that you and your boyfriend work out good ways of coping with the distance until he can get up there too!

We should form a "UK-L distance relationship society"
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Adhsur
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#135
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(Original post by Sami_ThePeelite)
hahah that's true - but i mean the 'loveydoveyness' of it, the crustiness, very unsettling lol,


its like when your in the company of two people in a relationship or if someone starts talking about their relationship etc....

last person i spoke to who was in love ended the relationship after her b/f grabbed her by the throat, gave her a black eye and hung around outside her window for 5 weeks after breaking up and cries all the time down the phone to her,


love is obbsesive and weird
Ok ok you are forgiven for bringing it up, it serves for interesting discussion anyway.

As for the example you gave me, gosh that's alarming...I suppose if someone you "love" betrays you they no longer meet the conditions for you loving them, which is not really anything unusual. I think it's easy to spot the bad ones from a good bunch though.
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Sami_ThePeelite
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#136
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(Original post by Adhsur)
Ok ok you are forgiven for bringing it up, it serves for interesting discussion anyway.

As for the example you gave me, gosh that's alarming...I suppose if someone you "love" betrays you they no longer meet the conditions for you loving them, which is not really anything unusual. I think it's easy to spot the bad ones from a good bunch though.

hehehe



yeh your right, once you tell someone like that you stop loving them - they can react very badly,


the truth is when i was in love, my girlfriend used to scratch me a lot and physically attack me lol
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Adhsur
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#137
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(Original post by Sami_ThePeelite)
the truth is when i was in love, my girlfriend used to scratch me a lot and physically attack me lol
Ummmm, :confused: in a playful romantic way? Or did she just have problems?
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Sarky
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#138
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(Original post by Sami_ThePeelite)
hehehe



yeh your right, once you tell someone like that you stop loving them - they can react very badly,


the truth is when i was in love, my girlfriend used to scratch me a lot and physically attack me lol

Ouch! That was your love? No wonder you're so bitter!
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Sami_ThePeelite
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#139
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(Original post by Adhsur)
Ummmm, :confused: in a playful romantic way? Or did she just have problems?


haha i wish - i think she had problems, i think there was this mutual jealousy, she always brought up the difference in terms of her going to a state school and me going to a private grammar school - really stupid things like that, arguements and she used to scratch my face and arms quite badly lol,



wouldn't like to meet her now , she would probably seriously assault me - an age ago she tried to get some guy to beat me up lol



not so much bitter - but enlightened lol
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slowjamz
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#140
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#140
(Original post by F. Poste)
We should form a "UK-L distance relationship society"
I definitely think we should! It'd be interesting at least to compare notes on how to get the relationship/uni balance right. Or to see where we all end up a year from now :rolleyes:
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