Coming Out to Friends

I have settled in quite well (large group of close friends) at Uni after the first term, however I still havn't told my friends I am gay, I am really unsure how I should say or when for that matter. I really can't think of a way of saying without being overly dramatic or not being taken seriously (blame my poor social skills for that). Probably just getting this off my chest will help, but any advice would be appreciated.

Reply 1

Schroedinger's Pandora

13

Assuming you're a guy, just develop a spring in your step and tell everybody they're "fabulous".

Problem solved. :smile:

Reply 2

katwin

8

include the phrase "my ex-boyfriend" in a casual conversation. Repeat until there is no doubt. Pretend like you thought they already knew.

Of course, they might try and make it dramatic anyway. Just enjoy being the centre of attention. :tongue:

ETA: I want to clarify the 'repeat' remark. I mean, then the next day say something else about an ex or the lgbt society or something, not repeat mid sentence like "so yeah, I went home and I saw my ex-boyfriend ex-boyfriend ex-boyfriend ex-bopyfriend ex-boyfriend and we talked." That is coming out as mentally unstable, not gay/

Reply 3

Tennessee

It IS hard, but i've been constantly surprised by people's reactions at uni, even totally lad lads have been like OVERLY good with it, and you've settled yourself, they aren't going to care. just tell them one night when your drunk, lol its the only way. I did it, turns out she already knew, how? dont ask me! Unless of course, you can always do it sober if your brave enough, just while your having a chat about girlfriends or something or people they like, you could say it then you know? I think you have nothing to worry about :smile:

Reply 4

Anonymous #2

Anonymous

I have settled in quite well (large group of close friends) at Uni after the first term, however I still havn't told my friends I am gay, I am really unsure how I should say or when for that matter. I really can't think of a way of saying without being overly dramatic or not being taken seriously (blame my poor social skills for that). Probably just getting this off my chest will help, but any advice would be appreciated.

You don't have to tell anyone if you don't want to. Only tell them if you are ready to tell them and because you want to rather than because you feel you need to. When you are completely ready tell the person you trust most and who you think will understand. Once you've told one peron you might feel better about it, personally I didn't/don't, and then you acn tell more people when you feel neccessary.

I would ignore the 'advice' in the first two replies personally, don't degrade yourself by being something you're not just to get it over with.

Reply 5

katwin

8

I don't think my reply was degrading, personally. All I suggested was that he work it into conversation and act like it's no big deal. *shrug* Because the OP suggested a dislike for things being dramatic, and hasn't brought it up since starting Uni, I got the impression he didn't think it was a big deal. I thought my answer reflected that.

Re: 'being something you're not', I didn't mean to suggest the OP LIED, just mentioned stuff about him that implies he is gay. Not making up an ex or anything, that was just an example. Sorry if that was unclear.

Reply 6

cutandpasteandtwisty

11

Anonymous

I have settled in quite well (large group of close friends) at Uni after the first term, however I still havn't told my friends I am gay, I am really unsure how I should say or when for that matter. I really can't think of a way of saying without being overly dramatic or not being taken seriously (blame my poor social skills for that). Probably just getting this off my chest will help, but any advice would be appreciated.

What's the need to tell them?

Reply 7

Ulala

What's the need to tell them?

Maybe he simply want other boy from his uni group to find out - so that his mate will look at him in another way... you know....

Reply 8

luke88

11

Like others have said, come out when you are ready or else you would regret it and turn into a disaster.
I would assume most people would be open minded enough to accept you as being gay. It should be no problem. You only worry should be whether they accept you or not. I can assure you that you should really face no problems at all.
If I were you, if you really want them to know then tell them when you're drunk if you're anxious about it. If it doesn't really bother you right now then tell them when it's appropriate, I mean, if they ask you about past experiences with the opposite sex.
If you want to be involved in the LGBT society and go to gay clubs with these friends, I'd tell them pretty soon so you can feel your self with them. Good Luck!

Reply 9

sufiankane

2

dont tell them, if they ask you say hell yes, you could try dropping hints....

Reply 10

gideon2000uk

9

The best way is probably to tell a close friend. Ideally a girl as they will be more likely to understand. People honestly don't give a damn. I tell people all the time. I do hate being introduced as "my gay friend" though.

When I first came out I found it really difficult, but as soon as I'd told one person and they reacted well, I was on a roll. If you tell one person to spread it around - people will ask you ifi ti s true and you can tell them

Reply 11

Anonymous #3

I had a similar problem (although i'm bi, which i think is almost an even weirder thing to have to come out with), and one of my best friends sort of drunkenly asked me, which helped, but thenit was just a case of gradulally working it into conversation - like on eof the posters said, just casually mention your ex-whatever, and let people go figure,..

Reply 12

Anonymous #2

If you just mention an same sex ex they may just assume it was a phase or something. I think if you want people to know you should tell them, don't give them the chance to 'um' and 'ah' over it and interpret it as they wish.

Reply 13

Jonatan

13

You don't have to come out to everyone at the same time. Maybe try and find someone you trust a bit more than others? That way you'd also have someone to talk to a bout it before coming out to everyone else, which could make it easier. Personally I sort of messed up quite royally when I came out, but it didn't really matter in the end anyway. Most people were just fine with it anyway.

Reply 14

Anonymous #1

OP

Thanks for the advice, I'll tell one of my friends to start with and see where it goes from there. Thanks again.

Reply 15

Revd. Mike

17

Haha, my coming out was a bit messy. I sort of told my inner circle of friends, and they were all cool about it, but it literally took all of one lunchtime for the rest of the year to find out, and from then things got a bit painful. A week, the whole school knew. My GCSE years are not an experience I wish to repeat, but all in all I'm still happy I did it.

Reply 16

Anonymous #1

OP

It was certainly less eventful than I expected:
Me: I suppose I should tell you I'm gay.
Friends: oh alright then.
Now to tell other friends, again, thanks for the advice.

Reply 17

StrangerthanEleven

12

Anonymous

It was certainly less eventful than I expected:
Me: I suppose I should tell you I'm gay.
Friends: oh alright then.
Now to tell other friends, again, thanks for the advice.

haha if only it were always that easy.but thats good they were cool bout it :smile:

Reply 18

Anonymous #2

Jonatan

You don't have to come out to everyone at the same time. Maybe try and find someone you trust a bit more than others? That way you'd also have someone to talk to a bout it before coming out to everyone else, which could make it easier. Personally I sort of messed up quite royally when I came out, but it didn't really matter in the end anyway. Most people were just fine with it anyway.

How you mess it up if you don't mind me asking.

Reply 19

Anonymous #4

little_red_sox

Assuming you're a guy, just develop a spring in your step and tell everybody they're "fabulous".

Problem solved. :smile:

I agree. Don't be obvious about it. I mean don't go out and say it directly. But do or say something that over time they will work it out. I went and told my friends. They didn't really didn't believe me and just laughed and didn't take me seriously. Then they forgot and tried to act like I never told them, so i never mentioned it again after that month. Maybe because Im a girl it's different. But still, it wasn't nice. It was almost as they were saying I have no choice but to be joking. So I never mentioned it and it was never an issue. Nevertheless, I ain't happy that I have to cage all my emotions. It's depressing.
But as I said, don't tell them straight, I think that would be too much of a shock. Give subtle hints.

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