I feel like a evil prick because i'm leaving my family and the church Watch

Anonymous #1
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Have to be anon because im too well known here.I'm a 20 year old suffering from depression and anxiety and i am trying my best to go to university through clearing with a failed access course and i might get in. I have realised my parents are not understanding that i am leaving soon, or realistically people don't understand that i am leaving. It seems my parents, with my mum in particular, thinks that i was joking that i was leaving the house to go uni and today our feud erupted. Basically in my church, the Pastor has written a book and has set up a book launch in our church for the ending of this month. Because i am the Music Leader in the church, i can't come as it clashes with me leaving for the next three weeks to become a youth leader at a summer camp.I told my family in advance that i will be gone this summer but it seems like they have poor memory. I do feel guilty for not getting the message earlier for my Pastor's Book Launch as honestly i would have cancelled my summer camp job and be there. However he would expect me to keep playing the piano with the band for 4 hours singing which i'm not a fan of this (it's an african church). I don't think my church knows that i will be leaving this year so it would seem like a challenge if i was to go, they could actually suffer as no one would play the piano or the guitar, it's like i'm the 'Boss' and feel angry this has continued and here was me considering i want to leave as i was seen as the loner and that i should find God in another church. In fact i made a thread on it here on how to leave the church and go to another one - http://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/show...?t=3404329Back to the crisis, my mum kept insulting claiming that i hate her and this family (which is sort of true, my main reason for leaving), but i can't stay in London anymore as i have nobody and it gets awkward as age goes by, living at home, going around places, it just gets worse and worse.Me going to university is because i want to end my social anxiety, it has to stop. I can no longer continue as the loner. I need a degree as well. If i was live with my family forever, then yes i will continue to be a loner. I do feel like a ****ing prick for doing this but i have no choice. I have refused help and i rely on exorcism/deliverances to solve my issues so this is my only escape. Please TSR, i'm i too evil to leave my family just because i want to end my depression by going to uni/to live the 'life'. Christians, what do you think of me leaving my family's church.I honestly feel like a **** but i want to distance myself from people who do not like me or think of me as nothing and meet new people who will accept for me who i am
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Maid Marian
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I couldn't read because of the lack of paragraphs, but please don't leave the faith in general. When one has nothing else in the world one consider worthy enough to keep oneself going, God is always there to hold your hand. I know because I am in that position right now:dong:
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JulietheCat
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Religion shouldn't make you feel miserable, in all honesty.

I left Christianity a long time ago because my faith doesn't like LGBT+ people and poly people either.
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the bear
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you do not sound like an evil person. your life has been controlled by your church; it is healthy that you are making an effort to be independent.
getting a degree will help you build a career.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Maid Marian)
I couldn't read because of the lack of paragraphs, but please don't leave the faith in general. When one has nothing else in the world one consider worthy enough to keep oneself going, God is always there to hold your hand. I know because I am in that position right now:dong:
I am shocked, i put paragraphs in will re-write properly and for you re-read it
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Blackstarr
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http://www.uckg.org/
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Anonymous #1
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Re-written

Have to be anon because im too well known here.I'm a 20 year old suffering from depression and anxiety and i am trying my best to go to university through clearing with a failed access course and i might get in.

I have realised my parents are not understanding that i am leaving soon, or realistically people don't understand that i am leaving. It seems my parents, with my mum in particular, thinks that i was joking that i was leaving the house to go uni and today our feud erupted. Basically in my church, the Pastor has written a book and has set up a book launch in our church for the ending of this month. Because i am the Music Leader in the church, i can't come as it clashes with me leaving for the next three weeks to become a youth leader at a summer camp.I told my family in advance that i will be gone this summer but it seems like they have poor memory. I do feel guilty for not getting the message earlier for my Pastor's Book Launch as honestly i would have cancelled my summer camp job and be there. However he would expect me to keep playing the piano with the band for 4 hours singing which i'm not a fan of this (it's an african church). I don't think my church knows that i will be leaving this year so it would seem like a challenge if i was to go, they could actually suffer as no one would play the piano or the guitar, it's like i'm the 'Boss' and feel angry this has continued and here was me considering i want to leave as i was seen as the loner and that i should find God in another church. In fact i made a thread on it here on how to leave the church and go to another one - http://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/show...?t=3404329.

Back to the crisis, my mum kept insulting claiming that i hate her and this family (which is sort of true, my main reason for leaving), but i can't stay in London anymore as i have nobody and it gets awkward as age goes by, living at home, going around places, it just gets worse and worse.Me going to university is because i want to end my social anxiety, it has to stop. I can no longer continue as the loner. I need a degree as well. If i was live with my family forever, then yes i will continue to be a loner. I do feel like a ****ing prick for doing this but i have no choice. I have refused help and i rely on exorcism/deliverances to solve my issues so this is my only escape.

Please TSR, i'm i too evil to leave my family just because i want to end my depression by going to uni/to live the 'life'.

Christians, what do you think of me leaving my family's church.I honestly feel like a **** but i want to distance myself from people who do not like me or think of me as nothing and meet new people who will accept for me who i am
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Anonymous #1
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i'm trying to go there often and i am trying to abandon my church when i leave to go uni

can you re-read my problem as i have written it below
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Mankytoes
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I'm an atheist but raised Christian, and many churches are exploitative and corrupt. Being a Christian and fulfilling the requirements in the bible does not mean going to a particular, or even any, church. It's about a personal relationship with Jesus.

I think it's a good time to question your faith. Are you a Christian because you've looked at all the evidence, all the ways of looking at the world and universe, and come to this conclusion that, or are you a Christian because you were raised that way, and have always gone along with it?

I know leaving the comfort of religion is hard. We're all scared of death, of ostracism, but nothing is worth denying yourself the truth. There is great beauty in the world without the super natural.
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Blackstarr
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I am a Christian and in all honesty if you don't feel good in your current church then you should by all means find a better one.

I am currently going to a new one and somewhat feel better because there are people your age and people are friendly and willing to help.

You need to be honest with your parents so they can support you in every way.
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Blackstarr
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(Original post by Anonymous)
i'm trying to go there often and i am trying to abandon my church when i leave to go uni

can you re-read my problem as i have written it below
UCKG, is a good one too go to and sure, will read your updated post.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by the bear)
you do not sound like an evil person. your life has been controlled by your church; it is healthy that you are making an effort to be independent.
getting a degree will help you build a career.
I've been trying to go to another church for two years but i can't make it full time because my family hates them and that i have a 'senior role' in my church.

I'm ****ing doing my best to try and get into this university so that i can leave forever
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The_Lonely_Goatherd
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You're not evil and you're certainly not a prick. You have to do what's best for you and it sounds like your home life is less than ideal. Anyone would want to escape that.

As for the church thing, I'm sorry it has been a negative for you. That's not the way things should be :no:
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Blackstarr
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All in all, you should not be forced to go to church just because you are the pianist/boss, going to church to serve God should be out of your own will otherwise you will be going there in vain.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Mankytoes)
I'm an atheist but raised Christian, and many churches are exploitative and corrupt. Being a Christian and fulfilling the requirements in the bible does not mean going to a particular, or even any, church. It's about a personal relationship with Jesus.

I think it's a good time to question your faith. Are you a Christian because you've looked at all the evidence, all the ways of looking at the world and universe, and come to this conclusion that, or are you a Christian because you were raised that way, and have always gone along with it?

I know leaving the comfort of religion is hard. We're all scared of death, of ostracism, but nothing is worth denying yourself the truth. There is great beauty in the world without the super natural.
Firstly, it seems tsr didn't put paragraphs in my thread assuming people thinkin im leaving my religion - which i'm not. I want to leave my family and leave my church to go uni in another city and to go to a different church where i don't feel i have an authority. Secondly, i wrote an update thread on top to understand the situation clearly.
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Guy123
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Trust me, you're not any of those negative things, if anything, you are brave and strong for having the will to move on from something you feel is holding you back. When I left Islam, people at school patronised me and my atheist friends as if we were some kind of demons coming to ruin their lives and everything they stand for. But the people who think that they have some kind of authority to tell you what to believe, are hypocrites and you'll see that, so don't let something like this hold you back. Do what you feel is right, we all support you and there are plenty of other people who do too.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by 08Mercyf)
All in all, you should not be forced to go to church just because you are the pianist/boss, going to church to serve God should be out of your own will otherwise you will be going there in vain.
What church do you go to? I'm wondering because i was bit shocked you put the uckg link there. UCKG is an outstanding church and whilst i'm not currently attending my branch (due to unpopularity) i'm trying to find a good branch once i get to uni.

It's all my fault for having an authority in the church. It's like in the next 10 years, they expect me to a pastor and this is when it has to stopped. The UCKG Pastor once said to me 'how can you play piano in the church, when you have all these problems'. That quote touched me and realised i need strong faith in God.

But also i need to leave my family as i feel i don't belong there. I'm a loner and i don't belong anyway hence the reason why i want to go university and live the uni life (and of course to get a career)
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Blackstarr
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(Original post by Anonymous)
What church do you go to? I'm wondering because i was bit shocked you put the uckg link there. UCKG is an outstanding church and whilst i'm not currently attending my branch (due to unpopularity) i'm trying to find a good branch once i get to uni.

It's all my fault for having an authority in the church. It's like in the next 10 years, they expect me to a pastor and this is when it has to stopped. The UCKG Pastor once said to me 'how can you play piano in the church, when you have all these problems'. That quote touched me and realised i need strong faith in God.

But also i need to leave my family as i feel i don't belong there. I'm a loner and i don't belong anyway hence the reason why i want to go university and live the uni life (and of course to get a career)
At my current church my sister plays the piano(she has learnt to play from young) and we are contemplating to leave but like you, she is the pianist and would be a loss(not a total loss) for our current church if we(my sister particularly) were to leave.

And....I do agree that UCKG is an outstanding church, I have attuned and I like it, way better than my current one.

If you don't feel it in your current church then I would say move to your nearest UCKG centre.

Tell your parents how you feel, if they love you, they should understand.
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Firstly, it seems tsr didn't put paragraphs in my thread assuming people thinkin im leaving my religion - which i'm not. I want to leave my family and leave my church to go uni in another city and to go to a different church where i don't feel i have an authority. Secondly, i wrote an update thread on top to understand the situation clearly.
I know, just giving you my perspective. You say these people treat you like "you're nothing", it sounds like they're exploiting you and making you feel **** about yourself. Is Christianity actually helping you? You say you have depression and anxiety, which makes you vulnerable.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Mankytoes)
I'm an atheist but raised Christian, and many churches are exploitative and corrupt. Being a Christian and fulfilling the requirements in the bible does not mean going to a particular, or even any, church. It's about a personal relationship with Jesus.

I think it's a good time to question your faith. Are you a Christian because you've looked at all the evidence, all the ways of looking at the world and universe, and come to this conclusion that, or are you a Christian because you were raised that way, and have always gone along with it?

I know leaving the comfort of religion is hard. We're all scared of death, of ostracism, but nothing is worth denying yourself the truth. There is great beauty in the world without the super natural.
I'm a christian because it's the real religion, in fact we christians don't call it a religion. I have experience deliverances and prayers so i know i will never leave christianity. I just want to go to another church where i just focus on the word of God and not be having a role in the church.

This thread is misjudged because it not paragraphed. However i have re-written it explaining the situation as it was more focussed on me leaving my family and church to go to uni
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