The Student Room Group

I don't care about my friends problems...

I have one friend that seems to be constantly miserable- needing support on something or the other. She is always upset and will constantly text/call anyone who will listen. I have tried giving her advice but she doesn't ever take it and will inevitably get herself into repetitive situations time and time again. I don't know what more i can do and she can come across quite self absorbed at times, she doesn't appear to be at all appreciative of peoples efforts- including my own- to try and be there for her and she isn't one to return the favor as she always emphasizes that she feels I need to remember how much better i have it than her if i ever dare to mention my own problems. I do believe shes a nice girl and at times we can have a laugh but i'm finding her constant low-feeling sorry for herself mood so tiring.
I personally don't tend to have friends that are so angry with life, complaining about everything as i believe that negative feelings have a tendency to catch on and that's something i would prefer to avoid. I don't know if its shallow of me but i feel like i'm only 18 once and should try and get the most out of life with not much responsibility.
I am not heartless and with all my friends i am happy to listen to their problems and help them through a lot and vice versa as personally in the last few months i have been dumped by my boyfriend of five years as well as having been quite ill in hospital- but i don't dwell on it.
I do understand that not everyone handles things so well and i have no problem with offering support where its needed but now i'm finding it so tiring to the point where i would be grateful if my phone broke.I don't know what else to do and i'm feeling increasingly guilty that i no longer care.
Any advice about this situation would be much appreciated!:s-smilie:
Original post by Anonymous
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There's no point trying to help someone like that. They will constantly appear to need support but won't ever take the advice because it's the sympathy and attention they want. Does she keep going on about the same thing and blatantly ignores your advice or skips straight past it in a conversation? These people are normally very self-absorbed and are only ever thinking about their own problems.

I just wouldn't bother. Make your answers a lot more blunt or take longer to reply. There's no point wasting your time on someone and encouraging their self-centred behaviour :smile:
Reply 2
I’m in the same situation :My best friend ( lets call her Clara for privacy reasons) Clara has a twin sister ( let’s call her Celia) Celia. I was best friends with Clara and Celia until about 7th grade. I will admit that Clara and Celia’s parents had a bad divorce. In the past, Celia has had depression. She’s admitted that she’s an attention seeker and likes attention. She’s faked passing out and has admitted it. Her family (sister and mom) are still in denial, yet she admits it. I’ve tried to talk to her, but anything I say isn’t good enough, yet she gets mad when I just listen as I don’t know what to say. Celia gets her way and uses her depression as a crutch- she will make Clara carry her lunch because she’s depressed, meaning Clara must carry it because Celia is depressed. I sometimes find it hard to believe Celia as you don’t know what is true. I’m a freshman in high school, and it’s getting harder to make friends and be my own person. Many of the kids do not like Celia because she’s plain rude and annoying. When I see some of my other friends they always walk away if I’m with Celia and Clara, and it’s getting harder and harder to cope with that. I’ve tried to have patience with Celia but it’s so hard. I have patience and always willing to help someone, but everytime I’m with Celia and her mom I always end up in a pissed off mood, and annoyed. I have no patience tolerance for Celia and her attention seeking and jelously. It could be anything- one time I made plans with my other friends ( not Celia or Clara) and Celia and even Clara wouldn’t talk to me for 2 days because my plans did not involve them. Over the past couple years I’ve lost more and more patience with Celia and her problems to the point where I dread seeing them.. it terrible to say, but I can’t hide the truth anymore. The twist is that my mom is friends with Celia and Aras mom( that’s how we became friends) and I’m best friends with Clara, but I can’t stand Celia. They come in a package, and I understand that. Anytime I’m with them, it always turns into Celia and if she doesn’t want to talk about something, then the whole rest of the people can’t. For example, when my parents were going through a divorce ( I’m very blessed they get along; but still, it was still hard adjusting and leaving the childhood house) and I couldn’t even rant because Celia didn’t want to hear it. It’s not that I don’t want to hear her problems, it’s that she’s an attention seeker so we don’t even know if it’s true and she doesn’t care to listen to how we can help her. At this point, I need to be happy, and do what’s best for me. I want to still be best friends with Clara, and in fact I’ve always been closer to Clara, but I don’t know i Can have patience for Celia when hanging out with Clara.

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