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Just devastated girlfriend....

i was talking to her last night on the phone, and basically she's always had this thing that she's fat, and it gets to her a LOT...now basically she was saying how one of her friends has a really good figure, and so she was like 'would you prefer it if i was like that?'...then she said 'come on, any guy would prefer that'...so i kinda agreed that guys naturally like skinnier girls, BUT that i loved her as she was......naturally, this didn't go down well.....

So now she is hardly talking to me...she says that i've humiliated her, patronised her and made her feel unwanted and ugly and fat....of course this is the furthest from my intentions....i love her for who she really is - the reason i answered as i did was because i though she would feel so much better with herself if she was thinner...she is always going on about her size and it is always getting her down (she is only a size 12/14!)

So now she feels too intimadated to even look me in the face....

What the hell do i do?

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Reply 1

Fizzer

Write her a letter and make her understand that it's not you to be like that. Make her understand.

Reply 2

ohyeahoh

First you kick yourself really hard for saying that then you buy her a nice present tell her how beautiful she is and how much you love her ect ect and then you kick youself again!

Reply 3

Segat1

Oh honey. You were tricked by girl speak.

There's not a lot you can do except apologise (even though she put words in your mouth) and tell her you love her as she is, and you don't like skinny minnies etc. I don't think 12/14 is fat, unless she's 3 foot tall. You get me.

If she asks this kind of thing again, you must always say " I love you as you are, but if you want to change, then I will support you".

Oh, and "Do I look fat in this/does my bum look big in this?" Answer is NO, or "No, but you look lovlier in XYZ dress, try that one."
ANd "How do I look" "Lovely" "Gorgeous" "Beautiful", NEVER "Fine!"

Reply 4

Toy Soldier

What??? Don't give in to such nonsense, she lead you into making a comment and now she's punishing you for it. Ridiculous. Tell her that you love her as she is, and not to lead you into saying things that will inevitably upset her. Do not grovel. It's her own fault.

Reply 5

Jennybean

You tell her exactly what you've told us, that you're sorry and that you love her as she is, except you admit you shouldn't have agreed with her over something that is clearly not true, namely that guys naturally prefer slimmer girls. Of course some do, but to generalise like that is never going to be a successful route to go down and every guy has his individual idea about what is attractive. That is not always going to be a slimmer girl and equally it is not always going to be a fuller-figured girl. In all fairness to you, I don't think you meant to hurt her feelings and it does sound like she has gotten into the routine of putting herself down so that you will reassure her, digging for compliments etc and this isn't healthy in a relationship (at least not beyond the occasional teasing remark). You shouldn't feel the need to constantly prove to your partner that you find them attractive and want to be with them so maybe you should tell her straight that you fancy her as she is but you won't pander to her moaning anymore. Either she hates herself enough to change her body a little or she shuts up. I hate it when people go on and on about their lovehandles/eq then have a marathon session on the couch with a pot noodle. I mean everyone has insecurities but everything in moderation, please! You can't constantly berate your boyfriend with your body woes then get cross when you've finally backed him into a corner and he says something he doesn't mean just to try and agree with you, which sounds like what happened here. Recognise that you should not have said anything hurtful about her body, regardless of whether you thought she was trying to get you to say it, but at the same time this is obviously something she needs to work on.

Reply 6

Trigger

classic girl trap. :rolleyes:

you poor thing, tell her you love her and the way she looks but shes attention seeking. forcing someone to say something then getting pissy when you say it is the mark of insecurity and immaturity

Reply 7

Clubber Lang

tell her she is an idiot.

Reply 8

Toy Soldier

Trigger

forcing someone to say something then getting pissy when you say it is the mark of insecurity and immaturity

Exactly! And people are suggesting he should bend over and act like it's all his fault just to patch it up. That's just a quick fix. What he needs to do is have a proper conversation with her about his feelings for her, make sure she understands why he loves her, and then tell her that she needs to stop leading him into saying things then blaming him for saying them.

cockslap her

Have you never seen the Friends episode when Ross teaches Chandler the 'hug and roll' technique? You should watch it, could teach you a lot about how to handle girl speak. :biggrin:

Reply 12

A Frumious Bandersnatch!

HenvY

cockslap her

roffle!

+ rep for you

Reply 13

JC.

eep!
Don't dig any deeper!!! Make her feel special. Its proberbly going to bite you in the arse for a few weeks though. :/

All the best,

Jon.

Reply 14

silverbolt

oh you got trapped, i feel for ya, women do this they like to trick men inot giving an answer tehy expect men to hear

its like the does my bum look big in this, there is no escape from that you are damned either way

if you say yes you are an insensitive jerk
if you say no your lying
if you dont say anything your ignoring her

OP tbh you just need to reasure her lots, but not too much, she tricked you inot saying it, you shouldnt run around like a chicken without a head trying to placate her.

Reply 15

Nix!

Rofl, schoolboy error OP.

Reply 16

A is for Awesome

Tell her to grow up and stop being stupid.

Reply 17

jakjak

oh for god sake. you love her? yes?

tell her what you said was stupid, that shes gorgeous and no one makes you feel like she does. -- my suggestion, but hy what do i know?

and most importantly of all, talk to her, not to forums, far better way :smile:

Reply 18

Chumbaniya

I don't agree with all this crap about pretending you are the guilty one. She asked you a question and pushed you into giving the answer she was looking for, and now she's upset with you even though you clearly stated you love her as she is. It's her fault.