The Student Room Group

Friends or not?

I have been best mates with a guy for 7 or 8 months. We are platonic. In personal opinion.
But, everyone else seems to think that we're not. They are constantly questioning us on our relationship - what did we do when we were together? Why are we so close?

In all honestly both of us would be jealous of either of us were to have a boyfriend or girlfriend, but we don't want to have a sexual relationship.
We are really close, but we just don't know how to define our relationship.

Yes, we are just more than friends, because we'd be jealous of either of us had that "special someone else".
But we wouldn't want our relationship to change if we did declare ourselves as boyfriend and girlfriend.

We're more than friends, but I'd say not enough to be a 'couple'. What would you say we do? Everyone - both our mates - are assuming everything we do is couply.

Are we friends or boyfriend and girlfriend?
do you show affection towards one another that is more than platonic?
If an official status had to be slapped on it, would it not just be.. something along the line of best friends? As primary school as that sounds. I know I'd get a teeny tiny bit jealous if any of my bloke mates (I'm a girl) were to get a girlfriend, initially because of the prospect of being unable to spend as much time talking to them or whatever, and then because of a feeling of rejection on some level, simply because I'd never advanced past the friend stage. Irrespective of whether I actually wanted to or not, the feeling of rejection would still be there.

I know that a lot of people's ideas on what a relationship is vary, but I can't see the boyfriend girlfriend approach being realistic if you're still going to effectively be close friends on a platonic basis. But then I guess it's ultimately up to you two to establish the terms, and if both of you agreed to be boyfriend and girlfriend, I'm not sure what technicalities could prevent you from carrying on being just that.

Many people are of the opinion that it is actually impossible to maintain a platonic relationship with somebody of the opposite sex without either both, or - rather more messily - one of you, developing that extra something for the other person.

Standing inside that mindset - perhaps he's in the closet?

If not, I wouldn't worry about defining it: you're close, and would hate to have some dint by another person threaten the bond you have with one another. Ignore the people who don't want to accept it, they're either narrow minded or desperate for gossip. They should just suck it up.
So what exactly are you looking for both in this relationship and with this thread? Does this friend know about things from your perspective?
amyshambles
If an official status had to be slapped on it, would it not just be.. something along the line of best friends? As primary school as that sounds. I know I'd get a teeny tiny bit jealous if any of my bloke mates (I'm a girl) were to get a girlfriend, initially because of the prospect of being unable to spend as much time talking to them or whatever, and then because of a feeling of rejection on some level, simply because I'd never advanced past the friend stage. Irrespective of whether I actually wanted to or not, the feeling of rejection would still be there.


I'm glad that's not just me :smile:

And OP, do you do anything non platonic? Or do you want to? Are you sure he doesn't want to? On the other hand, your friends could just be jealous you two are so close and and are acting accordingly. I would say you two are close friends, and I'd maybe take a closer look at why you wold be jealous of a girlfriend. Amyshambles' point is right, but there may be something more...
Cheers for the advice guys.
We both wrote that post together, so he could help me write it.

We sorted it out last night/this morning (we were at a party, and i think everything around our relationship just came to the head last night, so we really had to talk about it) and it's all good. We decided nothing is going to change, because it wasn't until people started speculating on us, did we feel like we should define our relationship.

We went to town together today (were planning on it anyway) and everything was normal. Neither of us felt edgy or uncomfortable about what we'd discussed, and I think it helped us because we know where we definately stand with one another now :smile:

I agree with what mooncheese89 had to say about how it's more of losing the closeness I'm afraid of - not that I want him to be my boyfriend, or him want me be his girlfriend.

Thanks :smile:
Reply 6
To quote shakespeare, "Me thinks (s)he doth protest too much" :wink: