My parents love my brother more than me

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Anonymous #1
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Report Thread starter 5 years ago
#1
You're all probably thinking that they love us both equally. They don't.

I remember rising above it in high school but recently i've noticed it more and more and it actually hurts.

I'm 18 and he's 21.

At Christmas my brother got hundreds of pounds worth of new technology etc. He got a brand new phone, a new laptop, an ipod and some other techy stuff which was expensive. I got some cheap pound land gifts, some cheapy things, a pair of trainers (i'm a sport fanatic) that I paid half for and a camera. I asked for the camera and my mum later admitted that she only bought it for me because it was in the sale at half price of £30. (its a fairly decent camera tho). I know its only the thought that counts but they must have spent £100 max on me and about £500-£600 on him. (we were 17 and 20 at the time)

For his 21st birthday my parents went all out celebrating. They got him a specially made cake and completely made a fuss.

For my 18th I was told I wasn't allowed a special cake and ended up with a cheap cake with make up all over it. I'm a sport fanatic and have no interest in make up what so ever. I also asked to have a birthday meal with my grandparents, boyfriend, parents and boyfriends parents and my other brother and his partner. My parents complained about how much it cost as it was £250 ish pound for everything. Yet they completely went over board for my brothers birthday?

I'm off to university in September and I have to buy all my own things. My own pots, pans, bedding, storage, stationary etc everything! My grandparents are helping me as they helped my brother but my parents wont buy me anything or if they do they moan! They bought my brother everything for uni.

I have a job currently and I earn about £140 a week. My parents told me that I have to find a job where i'm going to university because they cannot afford to support me and support my brother. He is 21 and has never earned a penny in his life. He's never worked. He's just finishing uni and he's coming back to live at home. So I have to work whilst doing an integrated masters course to feed myself yet my sibling is living at home free and my parents will support him.

If I ever ask for anything for Christmas or my birthday they say that i always ask for stuff and they cant afford to buy everything. I asked for 1 pair of converse for my birthday and a zoella make up bag. both cost about £50. yet my brother asks for ipads etc and gets it straight away!

Results day last year. I passed all my exams I got 2 C's, 1 B and 1 A and they were AS level so I was over the moon about it! My parents didn't even tell well done. They said I should have done better. My brother got C's in all his exams and he was praised and they bought him things as a well done! I don't get anything.

Luckily, my boyfriend and his parents are so supportive! He's an only child so they welcome me into their family like their own child and it's great to have his mum to talk to about things because I can't talk to my own mum about anything! (she tells the whole world.)

Why do they have favoritism for my brother?
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dp1828
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Awww! Maybe they just want you to be independent and know that your brother may not be able to do that?.......
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by dp1828)
Awww! Maybe they just want you to be independent and know that your brother may not be able to do that?.......
That's what my boyfriend says. But it hurts and I hate not having someone to confide in. Luckily my boyfriends mum is so nice and treats me like her own daughter so if I have a problem I can confide in here but it hurts that my own parents prefer my brother over me.

His mum was in the same situation at my age.

He told me that I should rise above it and aim to be more successful than them like his mum did.
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dp1828
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(Original post by Anonymous)
That's what my boyfriend says. But it hurts and I hate not having someone to confide in. Luckily my boyfriends mum is so nice and treats me like her own daughter so if I have a problem I can confide in here but it hurts that my own parents prefer my brother over me.

His mum was in the same situation at my age.

He told me that I should rise above it and aim to be more successful than them like his mum did.
That is true. I know this may sound mean but I think the best thing to do is just forget about them. After all soon you will have your own life and you wouldn't need them hanging around you and following you around. Be successful in your own life.
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teu.dm
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Hai dear. Well, the way I look at it. You are a bright child. Your parents expect the best from you. Perhaps your parents put their expectation on you and believe that you can move forward and further than your brother. Dont ever feel left out. For female individual that could be independent, I salute you. Not many can do it. Thumbs up for you.

Your parents love you and think that they dont need to be worried about you that much as you're intelligent and independent young lady that could survive in any situation. Your brother on the other hand, he may face difficulties to deal with issues or in an environment he is unfamiliar with.

Therefore, dont be bothered by minor things, you have a bright future and great boyfriend there. Your parents love you, but they express their love for you differently I guess.

Anyway, best of luck and may you have a success future career.
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ladyserendipity
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Have you tried talking to them about how you feel? Like everyone has said, they might not realize they're hurting you, and be trying to make sure you're more independent/hard working than your brother - they just happen to be doing it in a bit of a crappy way. Maybe tell them you'd like to have a chat, all sit down, and calmly explain that you're not angry, just a bit confused and upset, and that it makes you worry they don't love you as much. Good luck!
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Protagoras
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Now you are 18 and going off to do a integrated masters course which I assume is 4 years typically, you can brush off all this patheticness and get on with focusing on your career and have the attitude that if no-one is going to teach me then you'll have to find out for yourself and do so through by putting your nose to the grindstone and becoming the best professional you can be in your chosen profession and you don't need to go home after uni like is doing, especially if you get in a industrial placement year making you more attractive to potential employers, so that's 5 years you can strike out on your own and you will have your own money from students loan so you can support yourself and you don't have to deal with something so pathetic and learn that although they are your parents, no-one is perfect and in the future you can treat your own children equally.
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Sesshomaru24U
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Why do they have favoritism for my brother?
Sorry, but are you a guy or a girl?
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Sesshomaru24U)
Sorry, but are you a guy or a girl?
Girl
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Sesshomaru24U
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Girl
Sorry I just assumed that you might have been gay so your parents were treating your badly.

Anyway, I think the decision here is really up to you. Either you can confront them about it or just try to let it go and move on with your life - perhaps you could ask your brother to confront them about it if you two are on good terms.

That's all I have really. It sounds like your parents seem like they know what they're doing, but I can't be sure as I haven't actually met them. You might also feel like they're doing it on purpose but this could be emotion clouding your judgement. What's for certain though is they sound like the favour your brother over you. So either bring it up directly or through your brother or just try and do well at university and get your own place as soon as possible.

The latter may sound harsh, but what you have to accept is that parents favouring a sibling isn't unheard of. It happens. Either you tell them so they change there ways or it will just carry on and then you should just focus on doing your own thing.
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Smilin’ Knight
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Because your more capable than he is?

if he's incapable of even getting a job he needs the help much more than you do, i know it still sucks but there is nothing much you can do about it other than talk to them about it. At the end of the day its their money and they can do what they want with it

Try talking to them if you want, it might help.
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Maker
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look on the bright side,you'll outlive them all.
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Dilzo999
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Girl
Are your parents muslim?
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Dilzo999)
Are your parents muslim?
No
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teu.dm
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(Original post by EmmaOfNormandy)
Yes, it certainly sounds like favouritism which most certainly exists. This claim made by many people that parents love all their children equally is nonsense. Of course, there are probably many that do, but parents are also human, and just as they prefer some of their friends/colleagues to others, many will also inevitably prefer some of their children to others. They may not even admit this to themselves, but it happens.

I know this, because I am the eldest of 5 and I have always been favoured by my parents over my other siblings. Not to the extent that you mention, but the difference is definitely there. I'm not sure I have any useful advice, if your parents prefer him then I don't think much is going to change that. It might be good to learn to just take it on the chin, otherwise you might torture yourself with feelings of resentment for the rest of your life.
What this post trying to say here is parents love their children fairly not equally. They still love you in any way. Focus on your future dear. I understand that you desire your parents to treat you both equally, its normal. Human nature. However, if you consume too much time and effort on this, you'll just feel uneasy. Try to look at another perspective, you're a smart girl. I believe you're capable to do much more, stop worrying about this dear.
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ChampEon
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I'm sad to hear that. In a healthy household environment, no child should feel left out or treated unfairly.

However, maybe there's more to this than meets the eye. Perhaps your mother considers you the more intelligent and independent child. Some people do have strange ways of showing love after all.

Regardless, you should definitely sit and down and have a talk with your parents, calmly discussing everything on your mind. Otherwise, believe me, it'll only get worse and you'll end up feeling more neglected. You seem to have a good thing going with your partner and his parents so just enjoy the good times and whenever you're confident enough and able to collect your thoughts, just have that talk with your parents. You'll have nothing to lose except the weight off your mind. Just acknowledge that you are intelligent, educated and destined for success and nothing can change that.
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What is my life
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My family is the same my older brother gets alot more than me and he gets away with everything and gets alot more pdaise than me. One thing that me and him both love is nature and animals and my parents know that so in the last few weeks they have let him buy 3 snakes and 6 fish and he is planning to bread the snakes and sell them and the only pets I ever had were 2 guinea pigs that I had to beg for and they both died and they blamed it on me and my parents (well more my mum) let my brother get away with anything like wrestling me and then after he wrestled me I got told off for not getting started on my homework and the other day I lost all of my gadgets because I used her phone charger. How is that even right? Im sorry that iv written so much but it builds up and one other thing. There is only 1 thing that I want at the moment and its a new phone because im on an s3 so I told my mum and she wrote a CONTRACT that I had to do all of these things to get this phone and I said no and this morning my mum went out and brought back 2 snakes for my brother. And every test that he does for school and gets a decent grade for he gets money for and in science I have been top of the top class in my year by a level and nothing not even a well done. He also sprayed me wih soap and I told my mum and the reply was
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Adamski191
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Well your parents just sound like pathetic people. What's the point in favoring one sibling over the other? It's complete and utter nonsense. What exactly would make your brother more favorable to begin with? I've seen this sort of situation with a few of my own mates. For example, one friend of mine got £20 and a keychain for her 15th birthday; her TWIN SISTER got an iPhone 6, £150, and their cousin gave them an Xbox One to share, but the parents decided the sister should have it all to herself. I felt like having a go at the parents when I found out, because lbh, they were favoring one child over the other, and it was painfully obvious. Anyways, parents that don't even want to bother about you shouldn't be given the time of day by their unfavored child (example, you)
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Anonymous #2
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Hey there, guess what? I’ve experienced this too I know how you feel I am much younger but I have experienced this since my brother was born. It’s just not right. Even If i consult this to my parents, they would just (like you said,) moan and yell and blame it all on me when all I want is equality. It is hard. I got nothing while he got these Pokémon cards, Beyblades, lego, comic books with a 20 quantity for each of these products. And if I dare to ask for something, they would say that I don’t need it or it’s a waste of money. Like I am a waste. I am a fairly good child, I get straight A’s and I try my hardest. In the other hand, he gets straight C’s and they all party for him. While I don’t even get a “good job” which is EXTREMELY hurtful. It’s like I have no way out. What should I do without getting in trouble while confronting them? I try and i just get yelled at with hurtful words.
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The AbuSed
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I remember my brother toke my phone for some reason and I toke it from my little brother and my mom started yelling and screaming at me and saying “Don’t touch him!!!” Then she sent me to my room,Then my mom yelled and told me to come back downstairs and I said to her “Do u love me more than my little brother?” Then she said Well Bc he respects me more, I got immediately hurt and wanted to go and run away from home and go somewhere safe, but I always hurt my mom comforting my little brother and telling him “Are u okay?” I got so hurt then..my mom apologized after and said “What did u exactly do to him” I told my mom that I just toke my phone from him she said “Well whys is he breathing so hard and crying so bad” I told my mom that I didn’t do anything to hurt him but there are times where my mom hugs him and comforts him more my brother knows this and he stills try’s to take advantage, I know mine is not as bad but.. I am 11 and I hope u understand. And yea I am truly sorry hat u have to go thru that.
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