The relationship after

Hello all. I was with somebody previously for a long time, and was generally a trusting boyfriend. Sometimes if she talked about her male friends etc I'd get a natural twinge of jealousy, but that's normal. I'd still be fine with her seeing them a lot. But then she cheated on me and we broke up.

Now I've been with somebody else for a couple of months, and it's great, and we get on even better than I did with my ex. The only problem is I'm terrified of being hurt again. I know I am being irrationally untrusting, and it's not like I don't let her go to things, or see people. But I keep tormenting myself and giving myself images of her cheating on me. I want to just be happy because it's going brilliantly, and this is such a good thing. But I can't seem to really get over what happened before and accept that this may last. Sometimes I get quite down just at the mere prospect of it happening again, though there are no signs of it ever happening and I'm tired of being scared all the time.

What shall I do? I have talked to her about this a few times, but it's quite hard to say without coming across as saying "I don't trust you" which I obviously don't want to do, because I DO trust her in the normal regard, but it's just my mind playing tricks on me. Do you think eventually I will just get over this?

Reply 1

blissy

I found that trust was something that grew with time.

The fundamental fact is that if ONE person doesn't want the relationship then it's over. It's scary, but it's the case with every relationship there is.

Try to come to terms with it and hang on in there until your trust becomes unquestionable. It will, but it'll take a while (especially after you've been hurt before).

Reply 2

Anonymous #2

I wasn't cheated on, but other things have happened to me which make it impossible for me to trust people and my last relationship ended because of this. All i can say is just give yourself time- if you believe it feels right then just go with it. Be sure to hold on to other parts of your life (such as friends, studies, sport) so you have something left if it does go wrong. I really hope it doesn't and i am sorry to hear what your ex did to you.

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

I have no intention of ending this with her, because this is the best thing thats happened to me...

Which is exactly why I am scared of it going away. :frown: