Too much too soon.

Sorry to post as anon, but it's all a little bit hush hush.

Recently, a really good mate of mine, and myself, have started sleeping together. We both really like each other as mates, and are attracted to each other, but there isn't any romantic inclination on either side. We're sort of more than friends but less than a couple. We decided that as we're both single, and both into pretty much the same thing sexually, that we'd just have some fun together, but the thing is now he's really sort of pushing certain things. We've discussed all the things we want to try out, but he seems to think they all have to happen in quick sucession, whereas I would rather learn to really trust him in sexual terms before things go to fast. I've tried to gently let him down that certain things aren't going to happen yet as I'm not entirely ready, but he just seems to mention it every time. I don't want to overthink the situation as things are great as they are - we still hang out as mates, but the whole sex thing is a complete secret - but I'm worried that he's just going to keep pestering me. I don't want to have to tell him flat out no, because thats not how I feel, but I can't think of a better way to explain to him that I need some more time and I'll let him know when I'm ready! Any suggestions? I know it's all a bit weird, but we figure as we're not hurting anyone, there's no harm.

Reply 1

Nix!

**** buddies never work. Someone always develops feelings.

It sounds like he's either too eager as he thinks he's got a good thing going, or that he's just using you as an object and as such is just pushing for what he wants.

Simple solution - set boundaries. He only has as much control as you allow him to have.

Reply 2

Llamaaa

is a relationship he's pushing, or more adventurous sex? If it's the former, remind him that you are in it for the sex, nothing else. If it's the latter then tou should say that he has to respect you and you have to go little by little to get used to each other's bodies and ways of being before you can do certain things. Don't give him a flat out no, just a "we'll have to wait a little longer before we do that"

Reply 3

x_Fun_Girly_x

**** buddies do not ever work!
it sounds to me that if u feel u have to trust him to try new things....that he is more than just a **** buddie x

Reply 4

Toy Soldier

x_Fun_Girly_x

**** buddies do not ever work!
it sounds to me that if u feel u have to trust him to try new things....that he is more than just a **** buddie x

Rubbish. **** buddies do often result in someone getting emotionally involved, but definately not ALWAYS, far from it. Also, trust is important for sexual experimentation whether emotions are involved or not, so just because she wants a bit more time before she lets him sodomise her doesn't mean that it's more than just sex. :wink:

Reply 5

cmh

If he keeps pushing you into rushing things tell him to f*** right off.

No one should do this to you. End of.

Tell him to cool things done and if he doesn't stop this secret relationship.

Reply 6

FroggieFrog

He should be glad of what hes getting and not try to push you for more too soon.

Personally i couldnt imagine having loads of sex with a good mate and still being just mates after. I think **** buddies only work if they're not really your mate and its just all about sex..