Bfs/Gfs and starting university

Hey all.
Just a thing I've been thinking about recently. Did anyone/ is anyone thinking about carrying on a relationship when you start(ed) university, if it's long distance? Or did you just break up?
My boyfriend and I have been talking about it and thinking of splitting up... University being for meeting new people, new experiences, etc etc.
Any experiences/ advice?
xx

Reply 1

Christina

I am definitely not going to be breaking up with my b/f when I start uni in Sept. He is talking about moving up with me if I move away from London. Otherwise I will be staying in our flat (which we share) in London.

Remember uni is only six months of the year, and there are weekends. You may have different experiences, but if you truly love eachother then it is worth sticking it out.

Reply 2

ohyeahoh

3

Personally I would say split up, if you are having the conversation your both mature enough and chances are one of you will end up cheating, i'm sorry i'm not implying that you would just that long distance relationships are hard and your both going to meet new people, okay so I am implying you would.
Unless you're really in love and considering a real future, break up, stay mates, and have fun!

Reply 3

hannah_dru

2

I think he's worried about us splitting up but if we're still together by then I think we'll do our best to make it work. He hates London, but if I go there instead of Birmingham then he said he'd come down to see me. According to my wise older best friend, our relationship is probably gonna be stronger at uni.
On the year abroad we're wondering if he woule be able to come with.

Reply 4

Christina

If long distance doesn't work, I'm a bit screwed.

I say give it a shot and see how it goes. I personally don't believe in pre-empting things.

Reply 5

crankycaz

2

Before my bf left to go to uni (he's in first year now, I'm in Yr 13 now) we had endless discussions about how we'd go about the whole relationship thing. We discussed splitting up quite a bit but then when the crunch time came we just knew that we wanted to keep seeing each other so I guess you two will know when the time comes - either you'll want each other still, or you won't.

It might be easier for you two as by the sound of your post, you're both going at the same time. Being a year younger than my bf, I had worries that he would cheat when he went to uni, but when some girl tried to kiss him he rang me straight away cos he was so upset, thinking he had cheated on me by doing that!

So I would say to just enjoy each other's time whilst you're together and see what happens, the relationship will either naturally end or it will become stronger as mine has.

Someone has also pointed out that uni terms aren't that long - the longest I've had to be without my bf is about 5 weeks, but phone calls and holidays have kept us going. If you both want it to work, it can do. :smile:

Reply 6

leannemarie

11

I'm currently in a long distance relationship with my bf, we're around 4 hours apart on the train. Normally he comes to see me half way through term and I go to see him at the end of my term (which is earlier than the end of his). It's not easy because you obviously miss each other etc but it's definitely worth it if you're really serious about each other. We never talked about splitting up before we went to uni but we did talk about how we would deal with the distance, how we would communicate and about making more of an effort that usual (seeing as when you're together it's much easier to communicate). Lots of people around me have split up but I think that if you really want it then you make it work.

Reply 7

NeverMindThat

1

Anonymous

Hey all.
Just a thing I've been thinking about recently. Did anyone/ is anyone thinking about carrying on a relationship when you start(ed) university, if it's long distance? Or did you just break up?
My boyfriend and I have been talking about it and thinking of splitting up... University being for meeting new people, new experiences, etc etc.
Any experiences/ advice?
xx

Let me tell you this now and make it REALLY clear.

IT NEVER WORKS IF YOU ARE AT DIFFERENT UNIS.

It might last 2 years, it might last 2 weeks, but it WILL NOT last the full time at uni, and once its over youll be SO gutted you wasted that time.

The only exception is if you've been going out so long and are such a good match that your practically married: 3 years +. Even then itll be a MASSIVE strain.

I am basing this on my knowledge of my yeargroup, specifically 300 people in my college. Out of about 50% who started in a relationship, maybe 1 couple are still together

Reply 8

JC.

19

Am in a long distance with my g/f too.
It works if you make it work. :smile:

We just count down the days together and call each other lots. I use any excuse to go home and see her. Its only 3 hours in the car (if the bastard thing runs). Bit pathetic if you can't keep it in your trousers just because you can't be satiated as and when you feel like it.

Reply 9

ponjavic

1

Me and my girlfriend met 2 months before going to uni, i fell in love with her and then i moved from sweden to england, we found that even though it is hard and there are other interesting people i wouldn't wanna be with anyone but her at the moment.

I don't think going to uni should be an excuse for breaking up, however if you come here and feel you want to explore other people and the person at home isn't enough for you, by all means break up.

Pre-emptive breaking up is just bs though

Reply 10

Vohamanah

16

NeverMindThat

I am basing this on my knowledge of my yeargroup, specifically 300 people in my college. Out of about 50% who started in a relationship, maybe 1 couple are still together

Hardly an empirical study, but still the chances aren't too bad. One in 150 still together. Thats by no means impossible.

Reply 11

Llamaaa

15

if you don't love each other enough to survive a little bit of a distance, then you shouldn't be together anyway.

Reply 12

aza484

9

I went to uni, met a girl, we fell for each other, had a fantastic year, I had to move uni's this year, tried and tried. Failed. She broke up with me recently, because being away from me for so long was making her extremely depressed - she just couldn't cope. I guess some people can and some can't. Hurt (and still does) like hell though.

Reply 13

forpolarbears

17

Yeah, I'm probably going to start university attached, and he doesn't want to leave San Diego (he will at least probably have a dorm room) partially because he likes it here but he also has severe asthma and allergies, and likes his current specialists and they have med school connections he plans to use. :rolleyes:

We'll deal with it when the time comes, but I don't think it has to be impossible. I probably won't be that far away from him (I'm probably not leaving the US, at least this year) so I guess I don't worry about it too much. We already attend different schools and only see each other once or twice a week anyways, so it doesn't seem that rough. We MSN, text, call each other a lot though, so we'll probably just continue.

Good Luck!

Reply 14

FroggieFrog

You have to decide if you love your partner more than anyone else you will meet at uni.

Personally i went to uni to have a good time, meet amazing people and have fun with both friends and men. I couldnt have done that if i was in a long term relationship, the amount of time you stay away from people at halls at weekends does affect your relationships with your friends as the more time you spend with them the more you bond. If you're not around due to visiting your boyfriend/ your boyfriend visiting you it might make this more difficult.

You have your whole life ahead of you, dont go to uni with a partner if you have the slightest feeling you'll regret it.

Reply 15

Citation

Anonymous

Hey all.
Just a thing I've been thinking about recently. Did anyone/ is anyone thinking about carrying on a relationship when you start(ed) university, if it's long distance? Or did you just break up?
My boyfriend and I have been talking about it and thinking of splitting up... University being for meeting new people, new experiences, etc etc.
Any experiences/ advice?
xx

We tried, she failed. Not trying to be harsh, but she was the one that ended up not being able to handle the distance. A couple of months down the line I'm now enjoying life a hell of alot more, not because I'm single, but because she was very controlling and now I'm able to talk to who I want, when I want, yes looking back I was truly "under the thumb" and I feel stupid for not realizing before it was too later. (yes, she even stopped me talking to a few people, including one of my closest friends).

It's about both of you. If you committed and trust one another then even the distance won't throw you apart. But as you said, uni is about meeting people and experiencing life and exploring what ever you can, and to be honest, a long distance relationship may (I truly admire those couples who can keep it together) restrict you from living university to the full.

Good luck :smile:

...

In in Nottingham, my g.f is in Cornwall. I dont see her that often. Last time i saw her was at christmas.
Long distance relationships can work, if you try and find time for each other.
In fact. I got to go catch my train to Cornwall. I got a week of uni, so might aswell go down for a free 'holiday' and I get see my g.f too. Woot.

Surfs Up.

Reply 18

Talya

16

My bf and I avoided the LDR problem but going to the same uni. Woo.

Reply 19

x_Fun_Girly_x

ma mate was with her bf for 8 months before he went to uni.......they stayed together for a further 3 months whilst he was at uni. but he broke up with her cos he felt he was being held back. BUT he has now got a new gf who goes to his uni :confused:

i think that shows he was not really serious about her but she likes to disagree!
I think if u are seriously in love with someone and cannot imagine ur life with out them they give it a go!
But in my opinion uni is all about having fun, meeting new people and tht in my opinion can usually mean 'getting' with new people aswell.

Bfs/Gfs and starting university

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