The Student Room Group

confused and depressed - the petty little worries of my life

I feel pretty pathetic posting all this on an internet forum but these things are genuinely really getting me down. I know that there are people with major problems, real problems and that mine are nothing in comparison but I need some advice, even if it's only to tell me to get over myself.

My parents fight a lot and have been for years. They keep putting me in the middle, asking me who I think is right or wrong. It's really stressing me out because I can't choose between them. Then the other day my mum asked me if I thought they should get a divorce and I said yes, because that's honestly what I think. Now I feel absolutely terrible - is it my fault if they divorce now? Maybe I should have told them to keep on trying but now my mum thinks I want them to get divorced, but I only want whats best for them, divorce or not.

My friends all hate each other and bitch about each other. I'm sure they bitch about me too, although I'm not a particular target. There's just so much petty fighting, like purposely leaving one girl off the guest list for a party or inviting all of us on holiday except one person. What's going on? It seems like everyone hates everyone now and while I'm not the type to imagine that everyone's going to get along, this is really getting out of hand.

My two best friends have turned into complete social climbers. Maybe I'm just being a jealous bitch but I think they've really changed. They lie about where they're going and lie to other people to get them to like each other more. I invited one of them to a party at my house and she said 'how many boys are coming?' I hadnt decided whether it would be a girly night or a party with both girls and guys so I said I don't know. She said, 'Oh ok then. I think I'm busy but call me if guys come.' I was shocked. Surely this isn't what a friend should say?! I still like them both but I don't like what they're doing. For example, one of them, call her 'Clare' told 'Alice', another friend, on the night of a big party that she wasnt going to go. Clare suggested that a few of us girls hang out together. We got to the restaurant and bought cinema tickets and Clare hadnt turned up. We called her and turns out she'd gone to the party after all. What's going on?

I feel like a failure. I've just been rejected from my top choice uni (I'm in Upper Sixth) and I don't know what to do. I feel bad about taking a gap year and reapplying because it'll be so expensive but I really want to. But then I'm also worried I won't get in again.

Lonely and boyless...again...another Valentine's Day. I've never spent Valentine's Day with a boyfriend...in fact I haven't had a boyfriend for ages. No one ever seems to fancy me and it's really getting me down. Will I ever be in a serious relationship. I'm ready for one but no one wants me! Every guy I like is madly in love with some other girl, who's generally much prettier than I am.

Feeling fat and ugly. Because I've been a bit down, I've been binge-eating. I'm an emotional eater and have had problems in the past, with my weight spiralling out of control at both ends of the scale. Now it's going up, a stone in a month and I'm feeling panicked. I literally can't stop eating even when I feel sick.

Feeling out of things and useless. I go to a wealthy private school and many kids there have celebrity or semi-celebrity parents. They go to balls and gigs and red carpet events and seem to have such amazing social lives, holidays in the Maldives, skiing every other weekend in Courchevel, country estates, celebrity friends, throwing grand charity balls. I feel so inadequate in comparison. I'm lucky, I know, to be moderately well off but I'm not rich like they are. My parents scrape and save to send me to this school and I'm certainly not the jetting, yachting type. I don't have grand friends, I can't throw big parties and my social life seems so grey and dreary - visits to the pub, sleepovers etc

Confused about what to do with the rest of my life. I want to work in theatre as a writer and an actor but my parents don't want me to because it's such a risky profession. I'm willing to give it a go and be 100% committed in spite of the risks...but of course I'm worried. Will I ever get good parts? I have no desire whatsoever to be famous, but I'd like to be employed. Will I even get auditions? Do I look wrong? Am I too short? Am I too fat? Am I even talented?
I just don't know.




I'm so so sorry to have ranted on like this for so long. Please...if you think I'm being a miserable selfish spoiled brat, please say so. I just need to get some perspective on my life and any advice is much appreciated.

Thank you
xxxx
Reply 1
be johnny segment. close your eyes and imagine your problems as a messy room, cluttered bookshelf, random shapes, different colours representative of the particular problems degree of "badness".

now. tidy. pick up all the mess and put it into different boxes so you can deal with it one at a time. if you try facing it as its written ther (which im guessing that you are, cos thats the way its just poured out) you will drown in it.

tackle each bit as and when you have to.

excercise will help with a number of them, go for a run each day as some escapeism, weight loss and appetite suppressant. anytime u feel like going to the fridge for a snack, tell urself "NO, i dont need it, i dont want it" and have a glass of water instead.

bitchy friends. worry about them less, let them tear themselves apart. ever stop to think why theyre being social climbers? they need attention, they wish they were someone else.

i hope at least some of this helps.
Anonymous
I feel pretty pathetic posting all this on an internet forum but these things are genuinely really getting me down. I know that there are people with major problems, real problems and that mine are nothing in comparison but I need some advice, even if it's only to tell me to get over myself.

1) My parents fight a lot and have been for years. They keep putting me in the middle, asking me who I think is right or wrong. It's really stressing me out because I can't choose between them. Then the other day my mum asked me if I thought they should get a divorce and I said yes, because that's honestly what I think. Now I feel absolutely terrible - is it my fault if they divorce now? Maybe I should have told them to keep on trying but now my mum thinks I want them to get divorced, but I only want whats best for them, divorce or not.

2) My friends all hate each other and bitch about each other. I'm sure they bitch about me too, although I'm not a particular target. There's just so much petty fighting, like purposely leaving one girl off the guest list for a party or inviting all of us on holiday except one person. What's going on? It seems like everyone hates everyone now and while I'm not the type to imagine that everyone's going to get along, this is really getting out of hand.

My two best friends have turned into complete social climbers. Maybe I'm just being a jealous bitch but I think they've really changed. They lie about where they're going and lie to other people to get them to like each other more. I invited one of them to a party at my house and she said 'how many boys are coming?' I hadnt decided whether it would be a girly night or a party with both girls and guys so I said I don't know. She said, 'Oh ok then. I think I'm busy but call me if guys come.' I was shocked. Surely this isn't what a friend should say?! I still like them both but I don't like what they're doing. For example, one of them, call her 'Clare' told 'Alice', another friend, on the night of a big party that she wasnt going to go. Clare suggested that a few of us girls hang out together. We got to the restaurant and bought cinema tickets and Clare hadnt turned up. We called her and turns out she'd gone to the party after all. What's going on?

3)I feel like a failure. I've just been rejected from my top choice uni (I'm in Upper Sixth) and I don't know what to do. I feel bad about taking a gap year and reapplying because it'll be so expensive but I really want to. But then I'm also worried I won't get in again.

4) Lonely and boyless...again...another Valentine's Day. I've never spent Valentine's Day with a boyfriend...in fact I haven't had a boyfriend for ages. No one ever seems to fancy me and it's really getting me down. Will I ever be in a serious relationship. I'm ready for one but no one wants me! Every guy I like is madly in love with some other girl, who's generally much prettier than I am.

5)Feeling fat and ugly. Because I've been a bit down, I've been binge-eating. I'm an emotional eater and have had problems in the past, with my weight spiralling out of control at both ends of the scale. Now it's going up, a stone in a month and I'm feeling panicked. I literally can't stop eating even when I feel sick.

6)Feeling out of things and useless. I go to a wealthy private school and many kids there have celebrity or semi-celebrity parents. They go to balls and gigs and red carpet events and seem to have such amazing social lives, holidays in the Maldives, skiing every other weekend in Courchevel, country estates, celebrity friends, throwing grand charity balls. I feel so inadequate in comparison. I'm lucky, I know, to be moderately well off but I'm not rich like they are. My parents scrape and save to send me to this school and I'm certainly not the jetting, yachting type. I don't have grand friends, I can't throw big parties and my social life seems so grey and dreary - visits to the pub, sleepovers etc

7)Confused about what to do with the rest of my life. I want to work in theatre as a writer and an actor but my parents don't want me to because it's such a risky profession. I'm willing to give it a go and be 100% committed in spite of the risks...but of course I'm worried. Will I ever get good parts? I have no desire whatsoever to be famous, but I'd like to be employed. Will I even get auditions? Do I look wrong? Am I too short? Am I too fat? Am I even talented?
I just don't know.




I'm so so sorry to have ranted on like this for so long. Please...if you think I'm being a miserable selfish spoiled brat, please say so. I just need to get some perspective on my life and any advice is much appreciated.

Thank you
xxxx


I understand your post completely as I have several really ****ty small problems, but i realise they can really get you down.

Its not like im a councellor but I'll give you my personal opinion on each problem (note the numbers on each paragraph:cool: )

1) Parents fight, its what they do :rolleyes: . My mum and dad split up when I was 5, it's not a big problem, you'll get over it trust me. And NO its not your fault atall if they split up. If they've been fighting and your mother has resorted to asking you on your opinion, shes obviously seriously considered it already.

2) Your friends seem like complete pricks to me. Dont worry about it though, meet new people. There are alot of ***** in the world (from what ive learnt so far..), but out of every large group of ***** theres a nice, loyal person. The more people you meet, the better chance you have of meeting one of those nice people, a potential REAL friend.

3) Don't EVER let studies get you down. Thats one thing i've learnt recently, just how much they can depress you. Its not worth it, relax. You've not got into your first choice uni, so what? Its not the end of the world, there are plenty of universities out there, just make sure whichever one you get in you ENJOY yourself. Study, yes, but make sure you have fun!

4) Your definetly not alone in this problem, lots of people are alone on valentines day (including myself :rolleyes: ). People WILL find you attractive, but its similar to the friendship thing, its hard to find the right person but once you do, you'll be happy as hell. Keep meeting new people, as I said before, and have fun doing it!

5) Not really too sure about this, the only thing I can suggest is replacing the eating with exercise. Not only will it take any anger out you have when doing it, but it will also make you feel SOO much better once you've finished. Even if its just taking a walk, it will make you feel good.

6) Havn't really experienced anything similar to this so I cant really make a valid comment, all I can say is don't let it get you down. Think positively - all these people are more likely to be/become stuck up pricks who don't understand the value of money and won't appreciate anything they recieve. Theyre less likely to be happy, however unrealistic this may sound, due to the lack of appreciation they will more than likely have.

7) TAKE THE RISK! Its your dream, follow it. You don't want to be looking back in 10 years time when your sat behind some ****ty desk thinking , "Hmm what if ..:s-smilie:". So what if you fail? What doesn't kill you will only make you stronger and atleast you can say you tried!

To sum everything up, make sure you enjoy yourself in life. Always look on the bright side (however cheesy that may sound), think positively. I know its hard, but try not to let things get you down and as jakjak said, take some time to organise your thoughts and think about your problems and the solutions, one by one. Afterall, whats the point on life if your not enjoying yourself? To make money, be depressed and then die?

Like I said, all this is only MY opinion from what i've learnt (as i've had some similar problems), I hope it helped - even if only a tiny bit.

ALWAYS LOOK ON THE BRIIIIGHTTT SIDE OF LIFE DO DOO.. (sry :rolleyes: )
My advice would be this: focus on you.

It can be a shock to realise that one's parents are human and suffer the same wants, temptations, frustrations as anyone else. But that's the thing - it's their issue. You yourself agree they might be better off apart and, who knows, it might well improve your relationship with them on an individual basis. Support them, but don't get involved in their bickering and try not to take sides.

Friends... is a harder one. Friends are good, and it's less easy to be independent from them. But you should try. Be true to yourself; don't go along with their bitching etc. Ultimately people will respect you for being yourself. You can see how ugly it is when people become shallow enough only to attend a friend's party on the basis of how many boys are there. Don't envy that sort of attitude - pity it.

Uni/gap year. Maybe a year out is exactly what you need? It can put you in a better financial than not taking one if you work for a few months. Maybe you could get away from it all and go abroad? If not then remember that, however much of a cliche it is, your second choice Uni will be an amazing experience even if for now things seem to be going wrong. New people in a less bitchy environment, no bickering parents and a chance for a fresh start where you can choose what interests you etc.

The weight thing. This will hopefully sort itself out as you get to grips with the other issues. You know, exercise (really hard exercise like a long run or rowing or whatever) will make you feel so high and make you forget all the other problems. It will also help you maintain a healthy weight whereas eating will make you feel worse in the long term. Also gives you an excuse to get out of the house!

Valentine's day is a sucker's holiday! Ok, so it's rubbish being single then, but it's just a day. Also, if you start looking out for yourself (as I suggested) then it'll make you a happier person (and the exercise won't harm!) and then... who knows?

Friends with "exotic" lifestyles? You will look back in a year or two and pity them their Courchevel ski holidays where everyone's wearing ****ing Jack Wills in order to conform to a generic clone-like image. How sad is it that for all their holidays, never once do they actually experience any culture or anything along those lines? They go abroad with the same (lame) people that they hang out with in the UK, they talk about the same (lame) things and they maintain the same (lame) image. Again, pity rather than envy is appropriate.

So no, you're not a miserable selfish spoiled brat... but you can make your life a whole lot better.

Be true to yourself and don't let other peoples' problems weigh you down. Also the exercise tip is really worth taking!

Good luck - and things will get better soon I am sure.
You can do anything you want with your life.
Anything :smile:
Reply 5
wowl we have so much in common. except private school and im not fat but im nt pretty neither..i dno what i am..wish i nu..but hey this is gna sound like bad advice but i was in really similar shoues.. and things gt worse, i wish at the time i stood back a bit more and realised alot was still in my control. r u movin out 4 uni and if u r ur whole home dynamic will change. as 4 frends... i have none now were i live, not sure y but havnt clikd with ne1 and wish invested bit more time sorting out those i was with in high school as u may need them if things dnt wrk out lata. step back. as 4 valentines day..it a day..it comes then it goes. Just remmeber that. i know my advice seems cynical but its experience talking and its worth re reading. Hang in there..... i have a feelin things will amend itself 4 u..one day at a time. with ur dramatic subjects.jus go 4 it again ad again.............wrk hard now 2! xxxx message me whenver..sorry bout spelling
I sympathise with you very much. There have been moments (days, weeks...) in my life when everything seemed going wrong and I kept crying and thinking "How did I end up here? My life isn't supposed to be like this! I'm 18 and healthy and I'm supposed to be happy!" Some good advice here, hopefully you'll feel better about your life soon :hugs: