I feel pretty pathetic posting all this on an internet forum but these things are genuinely really getting me down. I know that there are people with major problems, real problems and that mine are nothing in comparison but I need some advice, even if it's only to tell me to get over myself.
My parents fight a lot and have been for years. They keep putting me in the middle, asking me who I think is right or wrong. It's really stressing me out because I can't choose between them. Then the other day my mum asked me if I thought they should get a divorce and I said yes, because that's honestly what I think. Now I feel absolutely terrible - is it my fault if they divorce now? Maybe I should have told them to keep on trying but now my mum thinks I want them to get divorced, but I only want whats best for them, divorce or not.
My friends all hate each other and bitch about each other. I'm sure they bitch about me too, although I'm not a particular target. There's just so much petty fighting, like purposely leaving one girl off the guest list for a party or inviting all of us on holiday except one person. What's going on? It seems like everyone hates everyone now and while I'm not the type to imagine that everyone's going to get along, this is really getting out of hand.
My two best friends have turned into complete social climbers. Maybe I'm just being a jealous bitch but I think they've really changed. They lie about where they're going and lie to other people to get them to like each other more. I invited one of them to a party at my house and she said 'how many boys are coming?' I hadnt decided whether it would be a girly night or a party with both girls and guys so I said I don't know. She said, 'Oh ok then. I think I'm busy but call me if guys come.' I was shocked. Surely this isn't what a friend should say?! I still like them both but I don't like what they're doing. For example, one of them, call her 'Clare' told 'Alice', another friend, on the night of a big party that she wasnt going to go. Clare suggested that a few of us girls hang out together. We got to the restaurant and bought cinema tickets and Clare hadnt turned up. We called her and turns out she'd gone to the party after all. What's going on?
I feel like a failure. I've just been rejected from my top choice uni (I'm in Upper Sixth) and I don't know what to do. I feel bad about taking a gap year and reapplying because it'll be so expensive but I really want to. But then I'm also worried I won't get in again.
Lonely and boyless...again...another Valentine's Day. I've never spent Valentine's Day with a boyfriend...in fact I haven't had a boyfriend for ages. No one ever seems to fancy me and it's really getting me down. Will I ever be in a serious relationship. I'm ready for one but no one wants me! Every guy I like is madly in love with some other girl, who's generally much prettier than I am.
Feeling fat and ugly. Because I've been a bit down, I've been binge-eating. I'm an emotional eater and have had problems in the past, with my weight spiralling out of control at both ends of the scale. Now it's going up, a stone in a month and I'm feeling panicked. I literally can't stop eating even when I feel sick.
Feeling out of things and useless. I go to a wealthy private school and many kids there have celebrity or semi-celebrity parents. They go to balls and gigs and red carpet events and seem to have such amazing social lives, holidays in the Maldives, skiing every other weekend in Courchevel, country estates, celebrity friends, throwing grand charity balls. I feel so inadequate in comparison. I'm lucky, I know, to be moderately well off but I'm not rich like they are. My parents scrape and save to send me to this school and I'm certainly not the jetting, yachting type. I don't have grand friends, I can't throw big parties and my social life seems so grey and dreary - visits to the pub, sleepovers etc
Confused about what to do with the rest of my life. I want to work in theatre as a writer and an actor but my parents don't want me to because it's such a risky profession. I'm willing to give it a go and be 100% committed in spite of the risks...but of course I'm worried. Will I ever get good parts? I have no desire whatsoever to be famous, but I'd like to be employed. Will I even get auditions? Do I look wrong? Am I too short? Am I too fat? Am I even talented?
I just don't know.
I'm so so sorry to have ranted on like this for so long. Please...if you think I'm being a miserable selfish spoiled brat, please say so. I just need to get some perspective on my life and any advice is much appreciated.
Thank you
xxxx