Living a better life ,Advice needed
Hello,
This is a serious post .No trolls please.
I'm looking for advice I guess.
I'm a 20 year old girl & all my life I have been quiet.During secondary school & sixth form I thought friends were distraction & that I could live without them so never really made an effort.
I would see pictures of class mates' nights out ,holidays & think "these kids are all party no play" .I basically used my school work to make me feel better about myself .All work no play affected me negatively & I didn't do as well as I wanted in my alevels.My class mates did well & I remember asking myself how that was even possible when they had spent all their time partying.
It wasn't until this year that I realised that to perform well you must be in a good state of mind & have all your needs met.I've realised that meaningful relationships & friendships are essential.
I was invited to my cousins party & one of my cousins friends kept talking to me,hugging me & touching me (Not I appropriately).I felt great & everyone was talking to me like they knew me.It was amazing & it really did hit me how much I was missing out /had missed out by isolating myself.
My Q is how can I make meaningful friendships ,enjoy life & stop being so tense.I can't afford to waste my life anymore.
Thanks
This is a serious post .No trolls please.
I'm looking for advice I guess.
I'm a 20 year old girl & all my life I have been quiet.During secondary school & sixth form I thought friends were distraction & that I could live without them so never really made an effort.
I would see pictures of class mates' nights out ,holidays & think "these kids are all party no play" .I basically used my school work to make me feel better about myself .All work no play affected me negatively & I didn't do as well as I wanted in my alevels.My class mates did well & I remember asking myself how that was even possible when they had spent all their time partying.
It wasn't until this year that I realised that to perform well you must be in a good state of mind & have all your needs met.I've realised that meaningful relationships & friendships are essential.
I was invited to my cousins party & one of my cousins friends kept talking to me,hugging me & touching me (Not I appropriately).I felt great & everyone was talking to me like they knew me.It was amazing & it really did hit me how much I was missing out /had missed out by isolating myself.
My Q is how can I make meaningful friendships ,enjoy life & stop being so tense.I can't afford to waste my life anymore.
Thanks
This is honestly how I have felt for the last two years and I too have recently come to that realisation... 
In exactly the same situation myself - I feel as though I have lost all but one meaningful friendship; we should talk
In exactly the same situation myself - I feel as though I have lost all but one meaningful friendship; we should talk
What are you doing now? Like what is your current situation i.e. full time job, uni etc? Living in a rural town/village or city? As will be easier to give you advice knowing that because much harder to make friends in a small village full of old people. And I'm assuming you're over 18 yeah?
Original post by withlove
What are you doing now? Like what is your current situation i.e. full time job, uni etc? Living in a rural town/village or city? As will be easier to give you advice knowing that because much harder to make friends in a small village full of old people. And I'm assuming you're over 18 yeah?
I'm hopefully going to uni in sept
,currently I work in retail .I live in a fairly large city .
To make meaningful friendships you actually have to be proactive , you have to make meaningful attempts to connect to your friends and it's not all about parties and gifts. Although these things help, you should also learn to open up a bit if you need help, don't be afraid to ask a friend you trust. If you can't open up to a friend then you are not really friends.
Also just to add your last words are a bit confusing, were you inappropriately touched at this party?
There is this quote that keeps coming to my head from Bruce Lee, something about being like water, 'be formless like water' water fills any shape. I guess what I am saying is learn to experience things not saying do dangerous things just learn to be interested in things and be confident you won't get no where in life locking yourself up alone.
You friends at A level probably did well because they were not just learning but happy and supported m each other. Too many people these days just think if themselves and being an individual and alone not many can do it and it's not really healthy.
Also just to add your last words are a bit confusing, were you inappropriately touched at this party?
There is this quote that keeps coming to my head from Bruce Lee, something about being like water, 'be formless like water' water fills any shape. I guess what I am saying is learn to experience things not saying do dangerous things just learn to be interested in things and be confident you won't get no where in life locking yourself up alone.
You friends at A level probably did well because they were not just learning but happy and supported m each other. Too many people these days just think if themselves and being an individual and alone not many can do it and it's not really healthy.
Original post by withlove
What are you doing now? Like what is your current situation i.e. full time job, uni etc? Living in a rural town/village or city? As will be easier to give you advice knowing that because much harder to make friends in a small village full of old people. And I'm assuming you're over 18 yeah?
Clearly stated she was 20 did you even read her words?
University is where you will flourish. You have so many opportunities to make new friends - housemates, people on your course, new job, nights out etc. And in order to keep them and turn them into good friends you need to make sure you make an effort with them, but not too much as don't want to come across as clingy. Maybe go to events they suggest even if it's not your cup of tea to make memories together etc. Freshers is the perfect opportunity as uni work hasn't started yet so you can get the friendships in before the work starts - but you have to balance this when the work load piles and remember that everyone will have a work load too.
Original post by Mancini
Clearly stated she was 20 did you even read her words?
Well there is really no need to be rude when clearly I skimmed that bit.
Original post by withlove
Well there is really no need to be rude when clearly I skimmed that bit.
You're the rude one, so rude you can't take five mins to read her words in your day and make a helpful reply instead you come back with generic questions.
Original post by Mancini
You're the rude one, so rude you can't take five mins to read her words in your day and make a helpful reply instead you come back with generic questions.
I could make a helpful reply when I knew all the information, if she wasn't going to uni or whatever what would be the point saying you can make them there. Honestly, no need to be so sensitive - if she thought it was rude I'm sure she would have said.
Original post by withlove
I could make a helpful reply when I knew all the information, if she wasn't going to uni or whatever what would be the point saying you can make them there. Honestly, no need to be so sensitive - if she thought it was rude I'm sure she would have said.
I'm not being sensitive although I am a guy who understands how to empathise. I am just putting you straight , you should not have called me rude for pointing your ignoranant self out. You should have apologised to her for not reading her words properly and carry on with your day. Have some humility please.
Be open to people and mostly put forward that you have serious enthusiasm for the course and the content and the opportunities after the course and you have lot's to talk about with people.
There might be some offers to go to the park and chill out in the sunshine or to go to the pub (remember never to drink too much and know your limit, you don't want to make a fool of yourself) or possibly make an occasion of someone's birthday like going to a restaurant so that you are doing something in terms socialising in a more personal and friendly way but mostly you want to keep your connections with your uni friends about what you are doing there and not about showing off that you are cool for having the new iPhone or something.
As for existing friends, you have to show them that you are focused in life and you have a good idea of what career you want to do and are planning interesting things like festivals in the summer or a trip around the world and be proactive in getting in touch and asking them how they are getting on doing what you are doing which is: planning their future.
Before you know it you have done your studying, you've gone travelling, you've got great memories from birthday parties with your friends and you might have met someone and after getting into your career and doing 3/4 years, you'll be 25/26 and you'll start thinking about getting married and then before you know it you'll be going to all yours and your friends weddings etc.
There might be some offers to go to the park and chill out in the sunshine or to go to the pub (remember never to drink too much and know your limit, you don't want to make a fool of yourself) or possibly make an occasion of someone's birthday like going to a restaurant so that you are doing something in terms socialising in a more personal and friendly way but mostly you want to keep your connections with your uni friends about what you are doing there and not about showing off that you are cool for having the new iPhone or something.
As for existing friends, you have to show them that you are focused in life and you have a good idea of what career you want to do and are planning interesting things like festivals in the summer or a trip around the world and be proactive in getting in touch and asking them how they are getting on doing what you are doing which is: planning their future.
Before you know it you have done your studying, you've gone travelling, you've got great memories from birthday parties with your friends and you might have met someone and after getting into your career and doing 3/4 years, you'll be 25/26 and you'll start thinking about getting married and then before you know it you'll be going to all yours and your friends weddings etc.
Original post by Anonymous
Hello,
This is a serious post .No trolls please.
I'm looking for advice I guess.
I'm a 20 year old girl & all my life I have been quiet.During secondary school & sixth form I thought friends were distraction & that I could live without them so never really made an effort.
I would see pictures of class mates' nights out ,holidays & think "these kids are all party no play" .I basically used my school work to make me feel better about myself .All work no play affected me negatively & I didn't do as well as I wanted in my alevels.My class mates did well & I remember asking myself how that was even possible when they had spent all their time partying.
It wasn't until this year that I realised that to perform well you must be in a good state of mind & have all your needs met.I've realised that meaningful relationships & friendships are essential.
I was invited to my cousins party & one of my cousins friends kept talking to me,hugging me & touching me (Not I appropriately).I felt great & everyone was talking to me like they knew me.It was amazing & it really did hit me how much I was missing out /had missed out by isolating myself.
My Q is how can I make meaningful friendships ,enjoy life & stop being so tense.I can't afford to waste my life anymore.
Thanks
This is a serious post .No trolls please.
I'm looking for advice I guess.
I'm a 20 year old girl & all my life I have been quiet.During secondary school & sixth form I thought friends were distraction & that I could live without them so never really made an effort.
I would see pictures of class mates' nights out ,holidays & think "these kids are all party no play" .I basically used my school work to make me feel better about myself .All work no play affected me negatively & I didn't do as well as I wanted in my alevels.My class mates did well & I remember asking myself how that was even possible when they had spent all their time partying.
It wasn't until this year that I realised that to perform well you must be in a good state of mind & have all your needs met.I've realised that meaningful relationships & friendships are essential.
I was invited to my cousins party & one of my cousins friends kept talking to me,hugging me & touching me (Not I appropriately).I felt great & everyone was talking to me like they knew me.It was amazing & it really did hit me how much I was missing out /had missed out by isolating myself.
My Q is how can I make meaningful friendships ,enjoy life & stop being so tense.I can't afford to waste my life anymore.
Thanks
Relax and enjoy life that's how you make the best of it. Realistically it's best to have a smaller circle than have a big one, reason being is you can make a tonne of memories with a small group. So that's not a big issue really, the key is to have a balance of both worlds. Prioritise your responsibilities and once they're out of the way, take a break and have fun. In the end everyone wants to be happy. One quote from charlie chaplin says "everyone wants to live by each others happiness, not by each others misery" so do what is right for you, there will always be someone and all of us on tsr to help you
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