Friend wants to go out on a date before she dies.

My friend has terminal cancer. And she does not have long left. She has said that she would like to go on a date with me. I thought she just meant that she wanted me to go somewhere with her as friends, 'as in that's a date!'. However, she clarified that she means it in a romantic sense. I have said yes, though I don't want to take advantage of her in any way as she will be very vulnerable. I have asked where she would like me to take her, she has said 'surprise me!'. Any advice TSR? Money is no object by the way, so any ideas would be great.

Edit: I have known her since we were both babies by the way, whether that makes any difference?

(edited 8 years ago)

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Reply 1

Smilin’ Knight

are there any medical restrictions? is she fully mobile etc?

Reply 2

Scienceisgood

How old are you both?
Just to get an idea of things, also, if she is terminal, how far along is she and what is she capable of doing?

Reply 3

Peiper

Original post by Scienceisgood

How old are you both?
Just to get an idea of things, also, if she is terminal, how far along is she and what is she capable of doing?

Original post by Smilin’ Knight

are there any medical restrictions? is she fully mobile etc?

She is full mobile and there are no medical restrictions. So she is capable of doing anything (think Walter White in Breaking Bad etc.). When I say she hasn't gone long left I mean compared to the average person. She is in the early stages of the cancer but unless there is a miracle it is going to be terminal.

Both 18.

Reply 4

Scienceisgood

Original post by Peiper

What is she into, as in movies/theatre, activities and any particular parts of the country she wants to visit?

Reply 5

The_Blade

This literally made me cry.

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Reply 6

Scienceisgood

Also, if money really is NO object whatsoever, I would make this last and book a hotel for 4-5 days to make the experience really matter to her unless she wants to stay at your place/you stay at hers or you break off each night. Also, may I ask if your a boy or girl?

Reply 7

Wannabedentist7

Watch now is good.
It's a cancer movie about an 18 year old girl who has cancer. The boy in the movie is very spontaneous and makes her last few days perfect. it will give you great ideas on how to surprise her. It is realistic and not cheesy at all.

If you can't be bothered doing that then just consider what a 'normal' girl would love. Candlelight dinner. Picnic under the stars. Maybe just a day out to her favourite theme park. if she's more adventurous then you could take her skydiving
Have a look at her bucket list if she has one. If you've known her that long then you must have some idea of her dream day. Think deeper

Reply 8

Smilin’ Knight

Well first off if she is early stages don't lie to her, she may live for years yet. While she may like you, if you go on a few dates and you decide you don't feel the same don't lie to her 'because she wont have another chance' respect her enough to be truthful as im sure you will.

on to your question, If your really willing to put some serious effort in then go all out. if she wants to go on a first date then make it the best she will ever go on.
I'm very traditional so my suggestion, while possibly a bit cliche, would be to base it around a meal out with a short something beforehand, (for example, theres a restaurant tagged on to the side of a castle in wales and you can walk around the castle with pre-dinner drinks then go and have your dinner). then something else after dinner, find out if there are any events going on near you. the theater (plays, music, not movies) could be a good choice or if you dont think she'd like that, maybe a sporting event? something she would enjoy. what are her favorite things. find those out first then book everything else around it. just some ideas :colondollar:

O and pick good weather if you can, always makes everything nice to be able to have a walk in the sunset :wink:

Reply 9

Scienceisgood

Original post by Smilin’ Knight

O and pick good weather if you can, always makes everything nice to be able to have a walk in the sunset :wink:

I was thinking more of making the nice weather we're having lately and going to a nice restaurant next to the sea and eating in the evening (maybe around 17:30) and then walking down the beach.
Good grief, I sound like a hopeless, cheesy romantic...

Reply 10

Zechs

This is a bit of an exaggeration seen as it's early you need to tell her to not give up, give her hope.

If you decide on this date thing just keep it nice and romantic , I don't think you need to be lavish just give her a good time.

Reply 11

Smilin’ Knight

Original post by Scienceisgood

hopeless romantic is good :smile:

make sure you have a backup plan, you cant walk on the beach all night :wink:

need something to do next

Reply 12

Peiper

Original post by Mancini

Unless a miracle occurs, it is terminal cancer. I will not unfairly raise her hopes. That would not be very kind.

Reply 13

Peiper

Original post by Wannabedentist7

Great, thank you! I will watch that. In fact, I can watch it with her and we can discuss what things she wants to do. Thank you!

(edited 8 years ago)

Reply 14

Scienceisgood

Original post by Mancini

Mate, honestly in cases like this, the worst thing you can do is give someone hope...

Reply 15

Musie Suzie

Do you have romantic feelings for her?

If money really is no object, go all out - take her to Paris, or somewhere she's always wanted to go, for a weekend. Go shopping, to museums, dinner, the theatre - anything she'll enjoy. And buy her flowers.

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Reply 16

Peiper

Original post by Musie Suzie

Thank you, that would be awesome! I will do that!

Reply 17

anonymouspie227

Original post by Peiper

money is no object

Book the Southwark suite at the Shangri-La hotel in London for a weekend. Surprise her and tell her to pack her bags for a romantic date weekend. Enjoy breakfast in bed on Saturday and then take her to Hampton Court Palace and take a romantic walk around the gardens and talk, and go to The Hampton Court Maze. Have lunch at Mayfair Kitchen then go to a spa (which ever one) then retreat back to your suite where there will be food awaiting you (I don't know make it work) and like rose pettles on the floor. On sunday, perhaps explore Southbank, mmaybe go to the free skateboard school (just for something different), go on the Thames Clippers (river bus) and explore London. Go to the Southbank centre and see what is on... End the night walking along the thames and holding hands :love:

(edited 8 years ago)

Reply 18

Anonymous #1

Original post by Peiper

Great, thank you! I will watch that. In fact, I can watch it with her and we can discuss what things she wants to do. Thank you!

I don't know whether it's best to just watch it without her first? If I was her, this would have made me cry a lot and made realise that I am helpless in this situation, that there is no hope. Watch something with her that's not so serious i.e.not involving anything about death. Movies can have a deep effect, especially when you can relate to it. I really have no idea, sorry.
Just get some inspiration and discuss it with her. Be a good listener. Let her talk. Let her talk about her worries. Let her talk about everything. Being listened to is one of the most important things in your final days. (I volunteered at a hospice for a long time and in my training they emphasised this a lot). It's not about what you say, it's about being there for them and listening.
If you don't like her, please don't reject her. I know you are in a difficult position. But you are a great friend, maybe you can sacrifice you feelings for a while. We don't know how long she will live (whether it's months or years). Just be there for her, make her laugh and be there for her when she feel like crying and let her cry and hold her in your arms.
I really am sad hearing this. I hope a miracle happens. I am happy that she has a friend like you. All the best :')