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How do you get the message across that you're just not interested?

This guy at my school (both year 13) obviously liked me for a while (you know when you can just tell they do, and also he hinted to a mutual friend a couple of times) and then the other week said he really liked me and was there a chance we could be together.

I'm not happy with the idea. Firstly I've never dated before so it's a big step anyway but I don't think thats the reason, unless its subconscious. He doesn't have a great amount of ambition whereas I'm extremely ambitious and really want someone on the same wavelength. He sometimes stumbles into college drunk and has the aim of kissing as many girls as possible at parties (I saw him kiss 3 girls in 10 minutes once!).

I politely told him it wouldn't work because I'm really busy with other things at the moment and wasn't looking for anyone now. Wouldn't it have been rude to say I just don't want to go out with him? Then last week we were talking at college just about normal stuff, no flirting or anything, and when he told my friend about this she said 'oh so just because he talked to you she's gonna sleep with you?' and he got all cocky with 'well you never know!'.

I had forgotten about it but he emailed me today (in a hardly comprehensible text language-y jumbled message grr!!) complaining I was sending mixed signals and why wouldn't it work out?

Any suggestions on what to do here? How do I get the message across that I don't mind talking to him to be sociable but I don't want it to go further?

Reply 1

FadedJade

15

by saying exactly that! Guys are generally quite thick when it comes to these things so you have to spell it out to them.

Reply 2

Milli

11

Tell him that you’re so busy with studies that you don’t have time for relationships. Also mention that you think he's a nice guy and a 'great' friend but you're too occupied with college. Though I think this wouldn't work, guys are usually thick when it comes to this stuff. They keep insisting they like you...till you literally say "no, I don't fancy you!!"

Reply 3

Ink

12

a) Tell him you just don't like him in that way. He obviously thinks there's still hope unless you tell him straight out that it's *him* you don't like.
b) Tell your mutual friends about your infatuation with some other guy. Hopefully, it will get back to him and he'll lose hope.
c) Since he seems to think that talking to him is a signal, maybe you should just be short with him. You don't seem to be good friends or anything (in fact, it seems he kind of annoys you), so I doubt it will be a big loss.

Reply 4

Zerforax

21

Make it blunt, the guy seems to have an ego so will just keep persisting :p:

A dent in his ego wont do him any harm either :biggrin:

Reply 5

Logan

4

he likes like a womanizer... youre just one of his women in the near future and i think your gut feeling are right.. although i can be wrong

Reply 6

Anonymous #1

OP

Thanks for the comments, I think that was all I needed to reassure me that it wouldn't be rude to to be a little more straight with it.

Reply 7

Trigger

18

i.am.gay

thats all you need

Reply 8

Anonymous #2

-x-Nina-x-

by saying exactly that! Guys are generally quite thick when it comes to these things so you have to spell it out to them.

Thank you very much for that crass generalisation :rolleyes:

. If somebody is attracted to somebody else they'll do everything they can to make it work out until it's bloody obvious there's nothing there. I assume you normally wait for people to make a move on you because if you had to do it yourself you would know how it feels.

FFS this person is attracted to you, you're probably the only thing on his mind at the moment, don't act like an evil cow and stamp on his heart because he 'doesn't get the message'. What message? You've been noncommittal and you haven't said explicitly it's him that you don't want to go out with. (I apologise if things any further developments have taken place, I didn't read further than the post quoted above)

Reply 9

insparato

15

Milli

Tell him that you’re so busy with studies that you don’t have time for relationships. Also mention that you think he's a nice guy and a 'great' friend but you're too occupied with college. Though I think this wouldn't work, guys are usually thick when it comes to this stuff. They keep insisting they like you...till you literally say "no, I don't fancy you!!"

Are you insinuating that she should lie? NEVER do this Id be so pissed if someone lied to me to stop me from being interested. The guy might be a womaniser and a complete bastard but that is still no reason to not be honest its called respect.

Reply 10

Segat1

16

Just say no, I'm not interested in you so please sod off.

Reply 11

MagicNMedicine

20

the problem I find with girls is they are good at giving this kind of advice - "just be blunt and tell him you don't like him" but then when they are on the receiving end of it we have tears and drama about it

if you're not interested in someone its best to be up front and honest and not give them any lead ons or hope - if they can't deal with it that's their problem not yours

Reply 12

Mike_Davies

He sounds a bit too big headed for his own good take him down a peg or two and tell him you don't like him or want him in that way! :cool:

Reply 13

Milli

11

insparato

Are you insinuating that she should lie? NEVER do this Id be so pissed if someone lied to me to stop me from being interested. The guy might be a womaniser and a complete bastard but that is still no reason to not be honest its called respect.

Yes, if it means not hurting his feelings then giving another reason would be absolutely fine. It's not lying, she even said herself she's ''really busy with other things at the moment and wasn't looking for anyone now.''

Reply 14

FadedJade

15

i did say 'generally' I didnt mean that all guys were like that as I know they aren't, hence why I noted it was a generalisation. I've only ever made a move on someone once and that was years ago, as I've never had to do it otherwise, not that its any of your business :tongue:

Reply 15

insparato

15

Milli

Tell him that you’re so busy with studies that you don’t have time for relationships. Also mention that you think he's a nice guy and a 'great' friend but you're too occupied with college. Though I think this wouldn't work, guys are usually thick when it comes to this stuff. They keep insisting they like you...till you literally say "no, I don't fancy you!!"

Yes i agree that she has said she busy and yes thats a very valid reason, however....Hes a nice guy and a "great friend" i would rather be hurt than told that cock and bull story. Maybe being told he's a not a very nice person would benefit him more than being told he's 'great'.

Reply 16

khil

15

Anonymous

Thank you very much for that crass generalisation :rolleyes:

. If somebody is attracted to somebody else they'll do everything they can to make it work out until it's bloody obvious there's nothing there. I assume you normally wait for people to make a move on you because if you had to do it yourself you would know how it feels.

FFS this person is attracted to you, you're probably the only thing on his mind at the moment, don't act like an evil cow and stamp on his heart because he 'doesn't get the message'. What message? You've been noncommittal and you haven't said explicitly it's him that you don't want to go out with. (I apologise if things any further developments have taken place, I didn't read further than the post quoted above)

You seem to have missed the very arrogant atttitude of the guy though. If he was simply a persistent but very nice and genuine guy, sure, I'd say spare his feelings and simply use some excuse/reason as to why it wouldn't work out etc. But this guy, by the sounds of things, is a complete prick who thinks he's the best thing since sliced bread. For such males, I have no sympathy and I'd personally just be straight with him.

And to be fair - you asking "what message" is kinda unfair. The whole point is, the OP didn't want to hurt his feelings too much by rejecting him, hence made up a different excuse. Most people would get the hint. She doesn't wanna be an evil cow - that's the whole point - that's why she didn't say outright it's HIM she doesn't like. But you're telling her don't be an evil cow but she only has herself to blame for not telling him outright and stamping on his heart... :confused:

Do you get how contradictory that sounds?

And OP - to be fair, at the end of the day, the guy can believe what he wants, but until he gets you, he hasn't won the game. By the sounds of things, your gut feelings are right and he just wants a challenge, a "hard-to-get" female, and you happen to be on his list. He'll forget you soon enough. Don't worry about it.

How do you get the message across that you're just not interested?

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