Trust Issues

My boyfriend has major trust issues despite being together 10 months. He says deep down he trusts me, but he is worried that I will cheat and he will never find out. I would never cheat on him and I am always telling him this and explaining that even if i ever did I would say because it would eat me up with guilt. We are in a LDR (he is at uni im on gap year) and it is affecting our relationship badly, it even got to the point where he split up with me because I was going out! After this he said he did it as he feels its not fair on me but I eventually got back together with him on the fact that he would work on it and try and get help. I have never done anything for him to think that I have cheated on him but this doesn't seem to matter. He bases what he see's going on around him on the type of person I am, such as people at Uni. Many have cheated on their boyfriends and he has seen this happen which has a knock on effect to his trust for me!

I try my best to help him when im out such as saying he can text or call me whenever as it won't bother me and i like hearing from him, i even text him randomly telling him how much I love him and miss him etc to show that he is the only one that is always on my mind. I feel useless, I really want to keep this relationship together but feel there is nothing left i can do.

Its tearing me up inside because I do love him so much and would never do such a thing (yet I cannot get him to see this) but this is, in a way, ruining my life. Everytime I go out (which has been very rare because of this) he ignores me taking it out on me and upsetting me each time I do go out. I am trying my very best to help him get through this trust issue but nothing I do seems to work, there is an answer for everything I say. It hurts me that he does have very little (or no) trust for me because I do just want to be with him, but without the trust I really don't think we are going to last. Does anyone have any suggestions or advice as to what could possibly help? thank you

Reply 1

Anonymous #1

OP

oh and i feel like im beginning to resent him... for example last night he called me on the way home drunk off his face telling me how much fun he had, yet this is exactly what he is afraid of me doing (getting so drunk i don't know what im doing)

Reply 2

rosie86uk

8

Hmm I can see how this is getting you down.
Have you actually sat down with him and talked this out explaining what it's doing to you because I think that this is what he needs to be clear about? He obviously cares for you but needs to understand that this will eventually tear you apart.

Has he had previous relationships where this has been an issue or in fact has he ever been cheated on?
There's an underlying cause for the way he's thinking, it just has to be surfaced and then dealt with carefully.

Reply 3

rawkingpunkster

Hey anonymous.

I know how it feels like, especially when you're trying really hard and he just doesnt seem to appreciate it. His going out getting drunk and having fun is almost like he wants to "get back at you", or make himself feel better, than you aren't the only one going out and having fun.

I dont know how to resolve this; the last time this happened, my friend ended up breaking with his gf.

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

OP

rosie86uk

Hmm I can see how this is getting you down.
Have you actually sat down with him and talked this out explaining what it's doing to you because I think that this is what he needs to be clear about? He obviously cares for you but needs to understand that this will eventually tear you apart.

Has he had previous relationships where this has been an issue or in fact has he ever been cheated on?
There's an underlying cause for the way he's thinking, it just has to be surfaced and then dealt with carefully.

This is his first relationship so he hasn't been hurt directly that way before., however his brother is a bad influence because he is constantly cheating on his girlfriend (which my bf always knows about) and his sister was cheated on in a marriage and so he saw the effects.

Its hard to actually sit down and speak to him as I haven't seen him since he has gone back this term and won't see him till next weekend. I do try and explain things over the phone, but being less personal, it seems to have less affect so to speak. He understands the way it is heading if he cannot learn to trust me, or at least let me go out without it causing trouble in our relationship.

Reply 5

Anonymous #1

OP

rawkingpunkster

Hey anonymous.

I know how it feels like, especially when you're trying really hard and he just doesnt seem to appreciate it. His going out getting drunk and having fun is almost like he wants to "get back at you", or make himself feel better, than you aren't the only one going out and having fun.

I dont know how to resolve this; the last time this happened, my friend ended up breaking with his gf.

Thanks, I don't think its so much as getting back at me considering I have only been out the once this year so far without him! But I don't think he understands how I feel when he talks about how funny it was when he was drunk and how he has all these arrangements to go out and yet if I do this it will cause arguments or trouble. It just makes it so much worse.

Trust Issues

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