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Friends abandoning me
Hi, I posted this in the 'tough time starting uni' thread at the top, but on second thoughts I've been at uni a little while now.
Now the exams are over, everyone's mind has turned to finding a house. Yesterday I found out that the person I'd consider my closest friend has already got his sorted. he didn't tell me, I found it out through someone else. Today, two of my other friends told me they'd found a house and they're sharing with each other. Again, I'd heard nothing of this before, as if they were trying to keep it a secret from me.
Whenever I mention housing, they try and change the subject or remove themselves from the situation. They've also been avoiding me more in general. maybe they're feeling a little guilt? I don't know, but I just feel completely alone. Of course, I'm wondering; why? what's wrong with me? Pondering this isn't good for my already fragile self esteem.
I don't have my accommodation sorted, and I now have no clue who I'll be sharing with. Nobody's asked me how I'm getting on with it, nobody's offered to let me in to make up the numbers. Since all my friends are all sorted, I'm only left with acquaintances who I've only spoken to a number of times. I feel a little awkward about asking them, and assume that if my friends don't have room for me, they won't either.
Right now I'm just feeling angry, depressed and worried that I'll end up in a house with people I don't know.
Thanks.
Now the exams are over, everyone's mind has turned to finding a house. Yesterday I found out that the person I'd consider my closest friend has already got his sorted. he didn't tell me, I found it out through someone else. Today, two of my other friends told me they'd found a house and they're sharing with each other. Again, I'd heard nothing of this before, as if they were trying to keep it a secret from me.
Whenever I mention housing, they try and change the subject or remove themselves from the situation. They've also been avoiding me more in general. maybe they're feeling a little guilt? I don't know, but I just feel completely alone. Of course, I'm wondering; why? what's wrong with me? Pondering this isn't good for my already fragile self esteem.
I don't have my accommodation sorted, and I now have no clue who I'll be sharing with. Nobody's asked me how I'm getting on with it, nobody's offered to let me in to make up the numbers. Since all my friends are all sorted, I'm only left with acquaintances who I've only spoken to a number of times. I feel a little awkward about asking them, and assume that if my friends don't have room for me, they won't either.
Right now I'm just feeling angry, depressed and worried that I'll end up in a house with people I don't know.
Thanks.
Hi
About the housing issue after exams things do tend to happen a bit quickly, although it may not have worked out the way you wanted there are still options open to you maybe not living with the mates u thought u wud
It does suc a bit, but if you really want to live with people you know, just mention that you have not found anywhere yet so if any of your aquaintances want to make up numbers then hopefully you will come to mind. Alternatively you can always try for uni accommodation for next year thus giving you an opportunity to meet new people again.
Really I dont think this is anything to worry about and although it has prooven that you are not as close to your mates as you thought it's not the be all and end all ofthe situation.
All the best
the sticciest of the iccy
About the housing issue after exams things do tend to happen a bit quickly, although it may not have worked out the way you wanted there are still options open to you maybe not living with the mates u thought u wud
It does suc a bit, but if you really want to live with people you know, just mention that you have not found anywhere yet so if any of your aquaintances want to make up numbers then hopefully you will come to mind. Alternatively you can always try for uni accommodation for next year thus giving you an opportunity to meet new people again.
Really I dont think this is anything to worry about and although it has prooven that you are not as close to your mates as you thought it's not the be all and end all ofthe situation.
All the best
the sticciest of the iccy
I was in a similar situation in my first year as well (except I wasn't confronted with it as badly as you have been). I applied to live in college instead. I was mainly living with 3rd years and international students, but I was so relieved that I'd got it sorted that I didn't mind. Besides, I met my boyfriend there and we're still together 2 years later, so it was definitely for the best. Good luck!
Use it as an opportunity to make new friends. Why bother trying to fit in with people that don't give a **** about you.
yes i have the same problem as you (as i kind of replied to you!) only I've spoken to them about it and they arent going to change their minds (we stay in different uni housing in groups of 4) theres 8 on our corridor n they sorted stuff out while i was away and the extra person is someone not from our corridor so im left on my own and they are the only people i really know. So now Im screwed, and I have a long term illness so i cant live with people i dont really know, and I really dont wanna stay in college with a load of rowdy freshers when i need twelve hours sleep a night!
Sorry, i do sympathise, but i equally need to rant - some people are just so insensitive.
Sorry, i do sympathise, but i equally need to rant - some people are just so insensitive.
Anonymous
depressed and I'll end up in a house with people I don't know.
Thanks.
Thanks.
yes i have the same problem as you (as i kind of replied to you!) only I've spoken to them about it and they arent going to change their minds (we stay in different uni housing in groups of 4) theres 8 on our corridor n they sorted stuff out while i was away and the extra person is someone not from our corridor so im left on my own and they are the only people i really know. So now Im screwed, and I have a long term illness so i cant live with people i dont really know, and I really dont wanna stay in college with a load of rowdy freshers when i need twelve hours sleep a night!
Poor Nina - is your ME getting better? I have glandular fever (for a couple of years) tough. Hope it works out for you!!
Thread starter - if they exclude you now then at least you won't accidentily move into domestic hell. Look out for some new friends, and try to meet people. Even if you did have to move in with strangers, they could still end up being your undiscovered best friends. And don't let this get you down - you are valuable as a person no matter what they say/do.
Thanks for the replies guys! You've all highlighted the positive elements of this bad situation which I don't think I'd have found on my own, and you've made me feel a lot better.
Nina, rant all you like. That's incredibly inconsiderate of your housemates, especially as you've explained your situation and they still won't reconsider. I know, sometimes it's hard to comprehend how some people are just so unaware of the feelings of others. I really hope you get things worked out soon.
Once again though, you're all brilliant
Nina, rant all you like. That's incredibly inconsiderate of your housemates, especially as you've explained your situation and they still won't reconsider. I know, sometimes it's hard to comprehend how some people are just so unaware of the feelings of others. I really hope you get things worked out soon.
Once again though, you're all brilliant
finding housing is a bitch. Something similar happened to me when I was in my first year - was really good friends with a group of 6 girls, 4 of them decided that they wanted to live together without telling us other two. It was horrible. Anyway, us two 'leftovers' ended up living with two boys we intially didn't know that well. Has been one of the best things that ever happened to me - as a four we get on incredibly well. The 4 girls all ended up hating each other and just bitch about each other the whole time. Anyway, the moral of the story is that it can work out well. It's horrible right now, but you will look back later and maybe, almost be glad that it happened.
OP - this exact same thing has happened to my son. As his mum, I want to go and kill his 'friends' - what they did was so spiteful. they are all living in the same house until next year. My son can't afford to get out - I wish I could afford to help him financially, but am a single parent.
I keep thinking of them all going out, and him left alone in his room! The atmosphere is terrible since he found out their arrangements for next year through a third party. And he really is a lovely person - I know I'm biased, but everyone says so! He's lost his friends, social life, comfort in his home now, and doesn't know what to do next year. I am so worried about him, it's making me ill. What can I do to support him? I really don't want him to chuck the course - but it's what I would feel like doing after this sort of betrayal. How can people be so mean? If they didn't want to share with him next year, that's obviously their decision, but the nasty, sneaky way they went about was unforgiveable. I just don't understand.
I keep thinking of them all going out, and him left alone in his room! The atmosphere is terrible since he found out their arrangements for next year through a third party. And he really is a lovely person - I know I'm biased, but everyone says so! He's lost his friends, social life, comfort in his home now, and doesn't know what to do next year. I am so worried about him, it's making me ill. What can I do to support him? I really don't want him to chuck the course - but it's what I would feel like doing after this sort of betrayal. How can people be so mean? If they didn't want to share with him next year, that's obviously their decision, but the nasty, sneaky way they went about was unforgiveable. I just don't understand.
It is sad, and I fully sympathise, the circumstances sound shockingly similar. With Nina's post and now this it saddens me that it seems to be happening to a few people.
If he's anything like me, his self esteem will have hit rock bottom. You can help him by providing support and encouragement, and remind him of his achievements, how hard he's worked to get where he is. And, like the replies to my original post, be positive. He WILL find a house.
As for chucking in the course, it all depends on his passion for the subject. I've known I've wanted to be an engineer for as long as I can remember. It's been my motivation at school, and I could never let anything like this stop me now. If I wasn't so enthusiastic about it, I might well have done.
People have described me as kind and caring, and as such I can't comprehend the lack of consideration of my feelings. From what you say, I think he'll be feeling much the same. He'll just have to use that to spur him on. Right now I'm thinking I'm better off without them, and am planning to recreate the fresher's week vibe. That is, get out on campus, go to all my clubs and societies, and talk to EVERYONE. Raise the subject of accommodation, it'll be on everyone's mind right now. I'm naturally quite shy, but I know I'll have no trouble with this motivation. Surely, it's only a matter of time before I meet someone who I gel with who is looking for a house mate. They'll be lucky to have met me, and my 'friends' no longer deserve me. Grarrrr.
Crikey, I'm giving advice so soon after my initial plea for help. I hope for the sake of both of us that it's sound.
If he's anything like me, his self esteem will have hit rock bottom. You can help him by providing support and encouragement, and remind him of his achievements, how hard he's worked to get where he is. And, like the replies to my original post, be positive. He WILL find a house.
As for chucking in the course, it all depends on his passion for the subject. I've known I've wanted to be an engineer for as long as I can remember. It's been my motivation at school, and I could never let anything like this stop me now. If I wasn't so enthusiastic about it, I might well have done.
People have described me as kind and caring, and as such I can't comprehend the lack of consideration of my feelings. From what you say, I think he'll be feeling much the same. He'll just have to use that to spur him on. Right now I'm thinking I'm better off without them, and am planning to recreate the fresher's week vibe. That is, get out on campus, go to all my clubs and societies, and talk to EVERYONE. Raise the subject of accommodation, it'll be on everyone's mind right now. I'm naturally quite shy, but I know I'll have no trouble with this motivation. Surely, it's only a matter of time before I meet someone who I gel with who is looking for a house mate. They'll be lucky to have met me, and my 'friends' no longer deserve me. Grarrrr.
Crikey, I'm giving advice so soon after my initial plea for help. I hope for the sake of both of us that it's sound.
theonehitwonder
Use it as an opportunity to make new friends. Why bother trying to fit in with people that don't give a **** about you.
OP - I think it's very sound advice, and I'm going to follow it. My son has worked very hard to get where he is. I'm intensely proud of him; not just for his academic achievements, but also because he knows how to be kind to others. Something these people seem incapable of! I can't solve the problem for him, but hopefully I can ensure he realises it's not his problem.
Thank you for your good advice, and kind words. I really hope everything works out for you. See the failings of these people to act kindly as the huge weakness it is - and take pride in your own values. You will ultimately be the happier person!
Thank you for your good advice, and kind words. I really hope everything works out for you. See the failings of these people to act kindly as the huge weakness it is - and take pride in your own values. You will ultimately be the happier person!
Meh, I've found that when things are going well life turns around and kicks you in the balls.
Anon#2 As a mother and therefore being older and wiser surely it shouldn't come as a shock to you that many people are ****-holes?
Anyway, like anon#1 now says after his initial panic, just tell your son to use this as motivation and **** the rest of them.
Anon#2 As a mother and therefore being older and wiser surely it shouldn't come as a shock to you that many people are ****-holes?
Anyway, like anon#1 now says after his initial panic, just tell your son to use this as motivation and **** the rest of them.
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