The Student Room Group

Why do I let people use me like this?

Okay, I'd appreciate some thoughts on this if you guys don't mind..

I'm in my 3rd year at uni. In my first year, I lived in halls with 7 other people; one of whom became my best friend, and one other girl who hated my guts for no apparent reason. The girl who hated me, (Lisa) is the very loud and attention seeking type and the always bullied the others into getting her own way, no matter what it was. My best friend and I were reasonably pleasant to Lisa all year just to to keep the peace, but at the same time I wouldn't stand for any crap she tried to give me.

For our second year housing arrangements we all decided to go our seperate ways and live with the people we were closest to; my best mate and I of course wanted to live together, but we found out that Lisa hadn't made arrangements with anybody and in a moment of (what I can only decribe as) insanity, we offered her an olive branch and asked her if she wanted to live with us. Soon enough arrangements were being made for the 3 of us (and 5 others) to view places together.

I won't bore you with the ins and outs of why, but it came to light (after signing contracts etc) that I could no longer cough up the £1500 they wanted as our first installment of rent, and I was panicing like crazy. They said that the only way out of the contract was to find another tenant to replace me.. so my best mate and I went looking for 2 replacements, as she was distraught at the prospect of living with Lisa without me. Only one replacement was found and I went back into halls, my best mate moved in with Lisa and 5 of our friends.

After I moved back into halls by myself they pretty much cut me off, on the rare occasion I saw my "best mate", she told me how Lisa had been slagging me off with almighty hatred and was making everyone in their house miserable. Time after time I tried to arrange nights out etc, and time and time again I was told that they couldn't see me, as Lisa would be with them and she hated my guts!??? I would call my mate sometimes and ask if she fancied going out for drinks, but she would tell me she was ill/ working/ tired, and then I'd see her out with Lisa!!

What I should mention is that the only time i really saw mt "best friend" after all of this was when she wanted to borrow clothes, borrow money, or she'd suggest a night out as long as I paid for her. I did it every time because I felt as though I'd lost all of my closest friends and I didn't have a choice.

The last straw came this morning really. It was her birthday yesterday and she told me she was working all evening and she'd see me today for lunch to celebrate. She wasn't working, she went out drinking last night with all of my old friends (and Lisa) and of course didn't want me there at all. At the same time she text me saying she had to cancel lunch today because she was going home.

Why do I let her walk all over me like this? And why would she allow some loud mouthed dog to ruin what was an awesome friendship?

Sorry for the rant. I'm just so upset.
Reply 1
That sucks hun,

I had a situation last year involving someone who i considered a close friend. I was really ill last year and she couldn't handle the fact that i wasn't how i always was, but was also jealous of me for a number of stupid reasons that i couldn't change e.g. i was thinner than her!

It ended with me and her no longer talking, and the friends that introduced her to took her side. For a while i was a loner and it showed, but i learnt to be more confident in being by myself rather than being needy and hanging around people i knew i didn't really fit in with.

I can see why you're upset. I couldn't afford to move in with my friends last year and they put me under a lot of pressure, telling me that if i couldn't stump up £70pw, then they'd find someone who could. I went back into halls, got a job as a warden and i'm still here now.

Sorry, i didn't mean this to turn into a rant about me!

Can you talk to your best friend and explain how you feel like you're being pushed out? Why doesn't she have enough backbone to stand up to this Lisa? She sounds like she needs a good slap.

It's hard when people you are about are taking the piss. I guess there comes a point when you have to decide whether or not you're willing to accept that. I did, and i'm much happier now for it.

PM me if you want to rant about stupid immature girls who you never should have been nice to in the first place :wink:
Wow.

Okay, that really does suck.

Personaly, I think you need to have an almighty row with the two of them. I hate to say this, but seems like you have lost your best friend and maybe you could win her back by really letting her know how much she has pushed you out. Even if you don't win her back, you might shock her into realising how nasty she has been to you. And if she doesn't get it, is she really the friend you thought she was? As for Lisa, she needs her pathetic little skull biting off.

A similar(ish) thing happened with my best friend. She "hated" my boyfriend and so refused to see me when I was with him (which was a lot) and refused to see me the rest of the time because she was "busy". Then my man and I broke up and she still didn't want to see me! Still too "busy". Kept canceling plans last minute as she was always "tired" or something had "come up". Where was she? Out clubbing with my ex. Was I invited? HA! It also came to light that on most of the occasions that I couldn't go out with my (ex)boyfriend in the evenings, she would be there instead. Tbh, I never cleared tha air or asked her why. But I had stopped caring. I have a couple of wonderful friends and my boyfriend and I am happy with that.
Thanks, Sarky.

It all just seems really unfair. I always wondered if it would be different if I hadn't invited Lisa to live with us in the first place, and if any of them really valued my friendship wouldn't they have told Lisa to get stuffed?

She's just such an intimidating bastard that people pander to her every whim to keep her happy. I'm just bitter that she appears to have single-handedly lost me all of my closest friends.. But surely they they wouldn't let her if they were really bothered?? Oh I'm ranting again..

It just drives me up the wall!!
Reply 4
The landlord wanted £1500 up front? Thats a bit heavy. As for the other things my only advice can be to go out and find a few more friends. The old ones obviously arent worth your attention.
I really feel for you, because I can imagine the sort of thing you're feeling. I'm only in upper sixth now but my so called best friend has become exactly the same with me.

I can't offer any advice because I don't know what to do about my situation either! Except for try and make some new friends - sounds like its time to move on. I know that probably hurts though. I keep thinking of all the amazing times I had with my friend, and it's not nice to think about, is it? Also, it's all very well me saying 'make new friends' but thats hard to do sometimes, especially when you've just been abandoned by a close friend.

Good luck though, and PM me if it might help.
MissSurfer