shyness is nice

I'm not very comfortable in groups, generally i act very shyly. However, im quite comfortable speaking one on one with people. What can I do to help myself ingratiate more into group conversations, and create better a better 'rapport' so to speak...

Reply 1

theonehitwonder

2

shyness is horrible. learn to speak up, that is the only way.

Reply 2

Milli

11

Same here. I'm very shy in groups, I hardly say a word....and when someone tries speaking to me, I turn all red and say something really stupid. But, yeah, one on one with people is definitely much better :yy:

I think the best way to overcome shyness is to be around people that make you feel comfortable. Once you've done this, it will be easier to open up your circle of friends and before you know it you will feel comfortable no matter where you go or who's around. :smile:

Reply 3

Milli

11

theonehitwonder

shyness is horrible. learn to speak up, that is the only way.

That isn't the only way to overcome someone's shyness....go to a party, and plunge right in? It's almost like your telling someone who's deathly afraid of water to plunge into the deep end of a swimming pool! A shy person shouldn't be immediately exposed to an uncomfortable situation..it's a gradual process and it takes practice. Just set small goals for yourself....whether it's initiating a conversation with a classmate or speaking to a total random person at the bus stop :p:

and slowly you'll see the difference.

People say that taking part in activities that make you feel excited and good about yourself or hobbies that give you a feeling of relaxation is a great antidote for shyness. It helps you grow in confidence and self esteem. :smile:

Reply 4

FadedJade

15

or maybe start talking more openly with a small group, maybe another 2 or 3 people, and then slowly build up the group size you are comfortable with?

Reply 5

khil

15

theonehitwonder

shyness is horrible. learn to speak up, that is the only way.

That's not true - shyness can be so adorable!

Anyway, OP, if you're not comfortable in groups, who says you must be in groups? Why don't you start hanging out with one or two good friends, and everyday hang out with a different one or two good friends. And now and again, have the entire group come together and you can either join in or just listen. That way, you get to know all of them in an environment you feel safe in and eventually you'll feel comfortable enough to speak freely even when it's the whole group together :smile:

I hope this makes sense!

Like, I remember when I used to go to small groups (Bible study groups for youth from my church) and at the time, I didn't know a single person and I kept very quiet. As time went by, I started talking to the one or two people at the end, then I'd see some other people from the youth group at church and I'd talk one-on-one with them. Until what do you know, I knew everyone in my youth group and when I got back to the Bible study group, I was chatting quite freely and happily cus I suddenly knew everyone and we were all friends :smile:

And I'm not the shy sort, but I do grow quiet when I'm with a group of people I don't know.

Reply 6

lovebuzz

OP

Yeah cheers for the feedback etc. I think i just need to make a more concerted effort to contribute to stuff, instead of looking disinterested and uninvolved.

Reply 7

~style

I personally love shyness, specially on girls.

Reply 8

prettyblueeyes

13

I'm the same! I'm a quiet person anyway, but become shy in front of larger groups and people I don't know. It's awful if you're out and don't talk as much as the others, people either think you're stuck up or come sit next to you and start going, "Why are you so shy? You shouldn't be shy.. blah blah blah" and try and force you in to a conversation. The worst is when I was sitting with my boyfriend and a group of his friends and one of his mates started asking me why I was shy (err.. I just am?! what else can you answer!) and then proceeded to shout to everyone on the table to vote if they thought I had any reason to be shy! I couldn't wait to get out of there.

Don't force yourself to talk to too many people. In a group, just start chatting to 2 or 3 people and then talk to another lot of people etc, and just chip in little bits if it's a bit group conversation. Try not to feel so self conscious and just be natural and talk to smaller groups naturally to try and help build up your confidence - I'm gradually trying this and it is easier now with bigger groups of people, especially if I don't really know them (ie friends of friends). And remember, if you don't talk, try to sit there and be smiley and be a good listener otherwise people think you're miserable, standoffish and bored and don't want to be there. Good luck.

Reply 9

Milli

11

-hybrid-

I personally love shyness, specially on girls.

lol shyness is a good thing sometimes ........but when trying to engage in conversations without sounding nervous then it can get annoying. :nn:

Reply 10

matt@internet

12

Shyness is not nice it is a bugger.

Reply 11

theonehitwonder

2

A guy who is shy sucks. No one respects you, people think that you're a snob etc...

I know from first hand experience.

Reply 12

~style

I did point out that its personal preference and that I prefer it on females more. But as Milli pointed out, to a sensible degree.

Reply 13

pollystyrene07

1

shyness is all in the mind. first of all you need to question why you feel like this in the 1st place (is it coz you don't feel as though you've got anything useful to to contribute? etc.) then you need to build your confidence by setting yourself goals ie. next time you have to do groupwork, force yourself to say just 1 thing & then you'll gradually feel more comfortable & overcome it.

Reply 14

BlackpoolCraig

11

...and shyness can stop you from doing all the things in life you'd like to. (I really had to. No one else has done it yet!!)

Shyness is a trait which i think many people overlook. I can be quite shy at times. I don't think it's a terrible thing, but it's definitely something which I've spent the past couple of years trying to overcome.

Reply 15

Lucia.

16

aww I'm shy and I hate it. Some people think I'm stuck up sometimes or they won't talk to me :frown:

Saying that, I've overcome it to some extent. I'm more comfortable in bigger groups and the only way I did that was to force myself to speak.

Good luck. :smile:

Reply 16

Sopheh

13

... so if there's something you'd like to tryyy, if there's something you'd lke to tryyyy... ask me I won't say no, how could I?

I love that song. And I love Morrissey. He's a brilliant example of how you can be shy and intelligent but still be happy. If you're not an extrovert, don't force yourself to be, you'll only be unhappy. Do what makes you happy, there's nothing wrong with being shy. It can be very endearing.

Reply 17

The Albatross

12

Sopheh

... so if there's something you'd like to tryyy, if there's something you'd lke to tryyyy... ask me I won't say no, how could I?

I love that song. And I love Morrissey. He's a brilliant example of how you can be shy and intelligent but still be happy. If you're not an extrovert, don't force yourself to be, you'll only be unhappy. Do what makes you happy, there's nothing wrong with being shy. It can be very endearing.

Love that song.

I've always been really shy, esp when I was at school. But now I'm at uni and have friends I can relate to I find it a lot easier.

Shyness is nice, and
Shyness can stop you
From doing all the things in life
You'd like to

Shyness is nice, and
Shyness can stop you
From doing all the things in life
You'd like to

So, if there's something you'd like to try
If there's something you'd like to try
ASK ME - I WON'T SAY "NO" - HOW COULD I ?

Coyness is nice, and
Coyness can stop you
From saying all the things in
Life you'd like to

So, if there's something you'd like to try
If there's something you'd like to try
ASK ME - I WON'T SAY "NO" - HOW COULD I ?

Spending warm Summer days indoors
Writing frightening verse
To a buck-toothed girl in Luxembourg

ASK ME, ASK ME, ASK ME
ASK ME, ASK ME, ASK ME

Because if it's not Love
Then it's the Bomb, the Bomb, the Bomb, the Bomb, the Bomb, the Bomb, the Bomb
That will bring us together

Nature is a language - can't you read ?
Nature is a language - can't you read ?

SO ... ASK ME, ASK ME, ASK ME
ASK ME, ASK ME, ASK ME

Because if it's not Love
Then it's the Bomb, the Bomb, the Bomb, the Bomb, the Bomb, the Bomb, the Bomb
That will bring us together

If it's not Love
Then it's the Bomb
Then it's the Bomb
That will bring us together

SO ... ASK ME, ASK ME, ASK ME
ASK ME, ASK ME, ASK ME
Oh, la ...

Reply 18

ames123

1

Lucia.

aww I'm shy and I hate it. Some people think I'm stuck up sometimes or they won't talk to me :frown:

Saying that, I've overcome it to some extent. I'm more comfortable in bigger groups and the only way I did that was to force myself to speak.

Good luck. :smile:

Like you and other posters have said I think people think I am stuck up or moody sometimes because I am shy. I find that a lot of the time I just can't think of anything interesting to say or when I do try to speak, it's hard trying to get a word in!

Reply 19

mizfissy815

12

Milli

Same here. I'm very shy in groups, I hardly say a word....and when someone tries speaking to me, I turn all red and say something really stupid. But, yeah, one on one with people is definitely much better :yy:

I think the best way to overcome shyness is to be around people that make you feel comfortable. Once you've done this, it will be easier to open up your circle of friends and before you know it you will feel comfortable no matter where you go or who's around. :smile:

I agree.

I'm fine around my friends or people I know. But if I don't know you, don't expect me to initiate any sort of conversation. I wouldn't consider myself shy, as I don't tend to get nervous when spoken to or turn red (or slightly maroon in my case), I'd rather say I more reserved than shy.

shyness is nice

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