Should I resign myself and lower my expectations on love or other people?

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bluepimpernel
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I don't know if this has to do with the fact that I've seen quite a lot of divorces in my family (first my grandparents on my mum's side, then my own parents, my uncle, a cousin) or it is because I am too much of a hopeless romantic, but I still believe that there must be real, unmovable love. I won't say I would try to force a polyamorous person into committing in a relationship with me, but then I am a staunch monogamous, as my parents divorce was truly terrible, as by the end my dad was sneaking out at night and spending days without stopping by at home, while my mum sunk deeper and deeper into a depression against which she is struggling to this day, as she still loves him and I don't really know if I would be able to trust someone who's poly into committing in a stable mono-relationship. It sounds terribly selfish, I know, but I feel I have to be honest while typing this down.The mere thought of possibly being hurt by someone I might grow to adore and love terrifies me to no end, as I have anxiety and PTSD.

Why I am posting this? Because a couple of weeks ago, I went out with a friend from uni and he confessed that if he hadn't had a girlfriend, he would have gone ahead and kissed me. I'd admit it hurt me to think that his gf had actually put his trust on him and he was nearly cheating on her. Now, I have been hitted by guys on the street, because some men apparently cannot grasp the concept of seeing a woman walking on her own. However, ever since I went out with this guy, curiosity has been taking over progressively and I was wondering why I have not been able to be kissed, asked out and have a guy in my life. Sometimes I say to myself that maybe, I should wait until I get better, but then, don't I also deserve to have someone I can rely on to support me while I am away from home and at uni? I am 21 and being alone frustrates me.
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william walker
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I am a High Church Anglican. So your language is odd and disconcerting to me. There is only two types of relationship a moral one and an immoral one. Moral relationship being where sex is only undertake after marriage and then only in the attempted conception of another human life. Anything else is immoral.

Personally I support laws against adultery to protect the family and deter people from being immoral while married. So your dad is immoral and should be in jail right now. I believe this mainly to protect children, unborn human beings and the legacy of my ancestors. Love doesn't come into it, emotion doesn't come into it, adults base desires don't come into it.

Single parents are bad. They leave a gap in children's lives which can never be filled and are left insecure and open machinations of one person who can manipulate them and destroy their entire life and mental well being. Adultery is terrible and something which a relationship can never recover from. Divorce is a disaster where the children are forced to choose between their parents and the institutions of marriage itself is directly attacked. So in the end morality leads to improve and immorality leads to nothing.
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bluepimpernel
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(Original post by william walker)
I am a High Church Anglican. So your language is odd and disconcerting to me. There is only two types of relationship a moral one and an immoral one. Moral relationship being where sex is only undertake after marriage and then only in the attempted conception of another human life. Anything else is immoral.

Personally I support laws against adultery to protect the family and deter people from being immoral while married. So your dad is immoral and should be in jail right now. I believe this mainly to protect children, unborn human beings and the legacy of my ancestors. Love doesn't come into it, emotion doesn't come into it, adults base desires don't come into it.

Single parents are bad. They leave a gap in children's lives which can never be filled and are left insecure and open machinations of one person who can manipulate them and destroy their entire life and mental well being. Adultery is terrible and something which a relationship can never recover from. Divorce is a disaster where the children are forced to choose between their parents and the institutions of marriage itself is directly attacked. So in the end morality leads to improve and immorality leads to nothing.
Thanks for replying. My parents are non-practicing catholics and I regard myself as agnostic. Adultery is frowned upon in my parent's religion aswell, but it is quite ironic to see an anglican preaching on the morality/immorality of adultery when your own church (even though high anglicanism ethos are closer to catholicism, yet they don't recognize the role of the pope as head of the church) was created following the 1534 Act and Henry VIII's willingness to obtain an annulment from his marriage to Catherine of Aragon.

Yes, my father did commit adultery and that's undeniable. But, really, it is not the early 1900s. Society changes, and with it there's a freedom in sexuality that deserves to be acknowleged. Why then, enforce such archaic punishments on such high porcentages of men and teenagers who are currently engaging in that kind of behavior? Should we force them to be in a relationship where one of the sides, in this case my father, might lose it and turn violent? Some men are immature ***** who are only capable of thinking with their d*ck and they are responsible for many heartbreaks, but the very man who was responsible from the schism of the Church of England from Rome was also adulterous. Do you think Henry VIII also deserved jail time?

Single parents are bad? Excuse me? My mum assumed the role of both being a father and a mother at the same time and if we are where we currently are, that is, at the best universities in the UK and coming from world-renowned independent schools. It is not the number of parents that matter, it is the quality of parenting. One good parent is infinitely better than two bad ones. To suggest otherwise is insulting to those caring and responsible parents who, perhaps for reasons beyond their control, find themselves bring up their children alone.
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Riddle kicks
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william walker
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(Original post by bluepimpernel)
Thanks for replying. My parents are non-practicing catholics and I regard myself as agnostic. Adultery is frowned upon in my parent's religion aswell, but it is quite ironic to see an anglican preaching on the morality/immorality of adultery when your own church (even though high anglicanism ethos are closer to catholicism, yet they don't recognize the role of the pope as head of the church) was created following the 1534 Act and Henry VIII's willingness to obtain an annulment from his marriage to Catherine of Aragon.

Yes, my father did commit adultery and that's undeniable. But, really, it is not the early 1900s. Society changes, and with it there's a freedom in sexuality that deserves to be acknowleged. Why then, enforce such archaic punishments on such high porcentages of men and teenagers who are currently engaging in that kind of behavior? Should we force them to be in a relationship where one of the sides, in this case my father, might lose it and turn violent? Some men are immature ***** who are only capable of thinking with their d*ck and they are responsible for many heartbreaks, but the very man who was responsible from the schism of the Church of England from Rome was also adulterous. Do you think Henry VIII also deserved jail time?

Single parents are bad? Excuse me? My mum assumed the role of both being a father and a mother at the same time and if we are where we currently are, that is, at the best universities in the UK and coming from world-renowned independent schools. It is not the number of parents that matter, it is the quality of parenting. One good parent is infinitely better than two bad ones. To suggest otherwise is insulting to those caring and responsible parents who, perhaps for reasons beyond their control, find themselves bring up their children alone.
So your parents aren't Catholics then? Or is Catholic now an ethnic group?

Have you never heard of something know as The Restoration? Where the Church became the Protestant Church of England from the Reformed Catholic Church in England which was established by Henry VIII so he could get a lawful divorce of Catherine of Aragon and marry Ann Boleyn, it has nothing to do with adultery. Also there was stuff going on between the Pope, France, Spain and England, so it was mainly about power. And no I don't think Henry VIII should have been jailed, he broke with Rome and moved Britain on the path to the established Protestant Church of England and Glorious Revolutions. He was a great man and a good King, one of the few good Kings. Along with James I and William III of course.

Well in the end morality is about forcing your views upon others and forming institutions to do so and protect that power. So if you don't want objective morality enforced within the law then fine. But I do and I support the institution which forms that objective morality. As that institution protects me, my morality and my power. It could do the same for everybody and lead to great improvement within people lives and the nation. You see to me people don't matter, institutions matter. If the Church of England is to survive then its objective morality must be enforced in whole or to a very large extent. Also the nation doesn't change the power balance between the institutions does. That happens because of vast impersonal trends and events. However the change in recent decades comes not from people changing all of a sudden, but a different institutions being the dominant part in peoples life. It has moved from the Church of England to the government.

I was making a generalisation that having two parents a man and a women is better than having one parent. I never said in your specific case that your mother was a bad parent. There will be exceptions to my generalisation, but it doesn't stop it being the truth overall. Two parents are better than one. Well indeed but what if someone only has one bad parent. At least two bad parents can offer different things to the child and they aren't left feeling lonely and without means. They have a balance and security within the relationship with two parents which can't be met by one parent alone.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OzGDIFYV14g
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