The Student Room Group

Girlfriends former best friend using suicide as blackmail to break us up??

Ok where to begin?

I began dating the girl of my dreams at the start of the Christmas holidays, things until yesterday were going amazingly, we'd booked a trip to Paris together in March and I am still convinced that she is the person I want to spend the rest of my life with, I've loved her since I met her in the first year. She seemed to reciprocate these feelings and we were talking about getting a house together after we graduate.

Enter 'Lucy', Lucy was a girl who lived in our block in the first year, and formally my girlfriends best friend. They were pretty close, and went through alot of things together and were supportive of each other in hard times. After she graduated, (she was 2 years above us, a final when we were freshers) she went back home to her provincial town and I think had difficulty adjusting to post university life. She had some real problems with men, she was actually raped by one of them, and my gf was there to support her. This led on to some pretty serious psychological problems and Lucy tried to commit suicide twice, once being saved my my gf calling Lucys ex to go and check on her. At the end of the first year, it emerged that Lucy had a crush on me, something I was completly unaware of, and she certainy made no moves, or did I give any indication that I liked her, I never ever did. To cut a long story shortish, my gf told Lucy about our relationship a couple of days ago and she flew off the handle, hurling torrents of abuse at my gf, whos done nothing except support her these last few months, and essentially forcing her to choose between me and her. With Lucys prior history of attempting suicide, my gf, understandably says that she couldn't live with herself if anything happened to her because of this, so she seems to be choosing to break up with me, in order to keep in contact with her, and stop her doing anything silly.

I'm sorry this is so long, I really don't know what to do, as I said above I really have strong feelings for this girl, unlike anyone ive ever met, and it seems crazy to throw away the most important relationship of my life for something so selfish on Lucys part. I dont know what to do.

Also, Lucys parents don't know anything thats happened, in my opinion they should, and she should also get some professional help, but obv my gf doesnt feel its her place to do that, which is fair enough.

help :frown:
I'm so sorry that your dream relationship is at risk because of something ike this, so first of all lots of hugs and sympathy!
How long ago was it that Lucy found out about the relationship? Obviously I'm saying all of this without knowing any of the people involved so I might be totally wrong, but it may be just an immediate emotional reaction to something that she finds upsetting, and she may well calm down with a bit of time and accept it.
But with her history, I agree with you and you're girlfriend that profesional help would probably be a good idea but bringing it up with Lucy is always going to be a difficult one, which could end up with her getting angry again - I know when I was going through (I hadn't been diagnosed then but looking back at it now!) depression and SH etc, I got really defensively angry with anyone who brought up the idea of getting help because they were gettting angry with me about it because they were upset. So if you bring it up with her, keep calm and she might come around and be releived she can get some help.
Sorry I can't be too much help in this, just try and be patient with Lucy and see if you can talk to your girlfriend about possibilities of you two staying together and trying to get help for Lucy. Good luck, let us know!
Reply 2
I don't really know how to bring it up either, I havnt seen her for not far off a year, and my gf has only see her once, she now lives miles away from both of us. Shes made it pretty clear that the only way the Lucy and my gf can stay in contact is if she breaks up with me.
Reply 3
Your girlfriend needs to tell Lucy that she doesn't have the right to try and break the two of you up. She needs to tell her how happy you make her, and that she should respect that, especially since she's been so much help to her over the past year.
This is not you or your girlfriend's fault, and your lass needs to realise this. If Lucy can't keep herself under control, is that supposed to mean that two other people can't be happy?

The girl is probably using this as blackmail, or it is a strong initial reaction to upsetting news. As has been said, she may well calm down.

What your girlfriend needs to realise is that, upsetting at it might be, what Lucy wants to do is Lucy's business and Lucy's responsibility. Yes, they went through a lot together but just because someone has been hurt, doesn't automaticly make them sweet, innocent and a victim. Lucy is not acting like the supportive friend that she should be and your gf has absolutely no responsibility to deal with that.

Why does your girlfriend care more about someone she has not seen for months than she does about her boyfriend? This seems to be a guilt thing so you need to show her that Lucy is the one who has responsibility here and that her actions are complete over reactions. Is your girl just going to keep sacraficing for her? If Lucy can't get along and play nicely, that is HER problem.

What would she rather, lose her boyfriend and have to put up with an emotionaly unstable and manipulative semi-friend, or lose her friend (possibly by handing her over to a shrink) and keep her boyfriend?
Reply 5
It's over, shes made it clear that she has to be there for 'lucy' and as such cannot be with me. I hoped this would never happen, thanks for the advice guys I'm gonna go home for the weekend try and get my head straight i think
Reply 6
sorry to hear its over yes lucy needs help and your gf(of ex) needs to put this idea into her head she shouldnt be putting all this strain on herself, maybe(and hopefully) she will think things through while your at home for the weekend

goodluck
let her commit...people like that are a danger in this world
Anonymous
It's over, shes made it clear that she has to be there for 'lucy' and as such cannot be with me. I hoped this would never happen, thanks for the advice guys I'm gonna go home for the weekend try and get my head straight i think


Oh man. *offers huggles*

I'm really, really sorry.
Reply 9
Seeing as Lucy has moved back home, can't your gf just tell Lucy you broke up but you guys can still be together as she's not around to check you're telling the truth!
Reply 10
She didn't want to lie to her,which is fair enough really.
Anonymous
She didn't want to lie to her,which is fair enough really.

Perhaps 'Lucy' will come round soon enough:wink: This doesn't have to be the absolute end of your relationship.
Sorry to hear it had to come to that. I hope that your weekend at home lets you be able to get a little bit of the hurt 'out the way' so to speak (not sure how to put that but hopefully you know what I mean!) but mostly I hope it allows your ex to have a think about how much your relationship meant to her and to find a way of you two being together whilst helping Lucy.
I'm really sorry to hear it, feel free to PM me if you want a rant or a moan - sometimes having a rant even if you say things you are only saying becuase you're upset and don't actually mean can be helpful and I'm a stranger so definately wont pass anything on!
To be honest mate, you don't need to be with a girl who has to even think about whether to put her boyfriend or her 'former friend' first. She should have grown a spine and told Lucy to **** off.
Reply 14
I wouldn't write this relationship off just yet. Your girlfriend has been blackmailed into a decision that is not of her choosing. If somebody chooses to end their own life that is entirely a personal issue, whether due to mental health problems or other reasons. Keep up friendly communications with your gf so that in time you can resume your relationship. She's worth fighting for isn't she?