Detaching myself

How do I go about detaching myself from my current group of 'friends' without upsetting them or losing any relationship with the ones that I actually like?

I was a bit of a 'floater' at school- I had one big group of best mates but still hung around with other people. My main group of friends were great to talk to, go on holiday with, share problems with etc...but I liked to have other friends who I could talk about other stuff with. I guess everyone is like this to an extent.

Since I've come to uni though...it feels as if I am stuck with the same group of people. I have friends outside this group, and go out with them a lot, but this group still call me over to sit with them, invite me out with them etc. They're nice people but we just have completely different interests. A few of them are on my course so I'm close to them...but the rest of them I just find really irritating. They're always talking about doing stuff with 'the group' or 'you know, cool people' (wtf!?) and I hate how they're so exclusive- there are about 10 of us and none of them (except for me it seems) have any desire to mix with other freshers outside the group. It annoys me...it's as if because I made friends with them in the first week there's no escaping them. They're so clingy. I've turned down as many invites as I can without coming across as downright rude (I mean, I'll go out if its their birthday...but won't join in with the interests which they have that I don't share e.g. Debates at the union, classical music). My friends at home are completely different to them- they like to go clubbing, drinking, to parties...my uni friends hate clubbing and most of them drink because their parents didn't let them at home so are 'making up for lost time' which is kind of lame. They can probably sense that I'm 'different' to them- last term when I was hanging around with them I hardly went clubbing for example as they don't like it. But then I went home for Xmas and spent time with my schoolmates and realised just how much I've missed both them and the kinds of things I did with them. So this term I've been going out loads more with other people and it's been so much better than last term. So they've probably guessed I have completely different interests to them and don't enjoy spending time with them (I have one close friend in this group though, so wouldn't want to break friends with her). And it's gradually working I guess...I'm going out with other people most nights, and they're sticking to their select 'group'. I've just never fitted in with them- they're completely different to my friends back home. They're not people I can see myself keeping contact with after uni (unlike my mates back home, who I think I will be in contact with for a very long time), so I kind of think 'whats the point?' I probably come across as really intolerant...I have friends back home who have completely different interests to me yet I still get along with great. But these people have completely different interests *and* just really grate on me. I have other friends I go out with...but the people who I think I have most in common with all bonded last term so although I know them individually to talk to I'm not somebody who would be invited out with them automatically. I just feel so awkward sitting with the group of people at the moment, and want to move away from them. They have all bonded and have the same sense of humour and way of life, which I don't share with them.

Reply 1

tanusha-tomsk

18

Please use paragraphs! Couldn't be bothered to read the long bit.

Don't try to "detach" yourself from this group of people, just be more active with your other friends / acquiantances. So that this group of friends invites you out or whatever, you can say "sorry I was gonna meet up with someone, I'll catch you later". That is easier and more effective than just trying to cut off contact with some people in the group, but not the others. Hope that helps :smile:

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

OP

Sorry, I forgot to paragraph the last bit :smile:

Thanks for the tip.

Reply 3

rachel_64

2

I have a friend at uni who is in a similar situation, he just tries to balance his time between everybody. But at the end of the day if you don't wanna spend time with people then don't do it. That said don't go out of your way to avoid them because it causes tension like you wouldn't believe

Reply 4

matt@internet

12

Sounds like they could do with you detaching yourself from them. Do them a favour and leave them alone since you clearly don't like them. They can probably sense that you don't like them but are just too polite to tell you to piss off.

Reply 5

zain88

1

Gosh, you are lucky you have a group of friends who want to include you and invite you to things. Don't complain about having friends. Most people posting threads on here about uni friends complain that they don't get invited or feel included. I agree with the first reply to this thread though, don't 'detach' yourself, just become more active with other people.

Reply 6

Anonymous #1

OP

matt@internet

Sounds like they could do with you detaching yourself from them. Do them a favour and leave them alone since you clearly don't like them. They can probably sense that you don't like them but are just too polite to tell you to piss off.

I like a few of them, don't get me wrong.

And no, it's not that they are 'too polite' to tell me to piss off- they invite me out everywhere and each come over when I'm with other people. They would be too polite to tell me to piss off if I was deliberately hanging around them...but that's not the case. If they didn't want me around, they wouldn't have to have me around- they are the ones approaching me, not vice versa.

Reply 7

matt@internet

12

Anonymous

I like a few of them, don't get me wrong.

And no, it's not that they are 'too polite' to tell me to piss off- they invite me out everywhere and each come over when I'm with other people. They would be too polite to tell me to piss off if I was deliberately hanging around them...but that's not the case. If they didn't want me around, they wouldn't have to have me around- they are the ones approaching me, not vice versa.

What I mean is that they are too polite to just ignore you and give you the cold shoulder and tell you to piss off. They come around to give the illusion that they actually like you.

Reply 8

Anonymous #1

OP

matt@internet

What I mean is that they are too polite to just ignore you and give you the cold shoulder and tell you to piss off. They come around to give the illusion that they actually like you.

Maybe, but they look really pissed off if ever I go out with other people...I doubt that if they wanted me to piss off they would be upset when I actually do. I understand what you're saying, but they wouldn't have to give me the cold shoulder if they didn't like me...all they would have to do is stop approaching me all the time. If they were to give me the illusion that they liked me, all they would have to do is talk to me and occasionally invite me out...but they're always harassing me and get upset if I don't go out with them.

Detaching myself

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