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Advice DESPERATELY needed! Am I bisexual?
I know that I am not completely homosexual as I still do love guys and always have, however I am beginning to wonder whether I may actually be bisexual not straight. There have been a number of occassions where I have actually fallern for other girls and feel the same way about them as I do the guys that I am attracted to... and not all of them have been close friends.
I first noticed signes that I may be attracted to other girls when was 15 and I don't like to label myself but it has happened more than once and the feeling are quite strong. It makes me feel happy to be in close contact with the person I think I am attracted to, I find myself wanting to kiss and cuddle and even though I am not a natural flurter I find myself doing so quite without realising. It dosn't feel forced and in a lot of cases it's as unexpected as if I find a guy that I like.
I have read a lot of articles over the internet that say in a lot of cases it is up to the individual person to decide whether they are sufficiently attracted to both sexes in order to consider themselves bisexual... and it has now got to the point where I feel a faud if I label myself as straight.
The other day I filled out a short online survey just for fun and for the first time under the catagroy of sexual orientation I labeled myself as bisexial... it was one of the most freeing feelings I have ever experienced! It felt so right, and as though for once I was being honest with myself and the rest of the world about who I actually am!
I am lucky enough to have a really supportive family and have disgussed my feelings with my mom on a number of occassions, who says that she thinks I should just let time tell and if I am bisexual things will all become clear in the end, but no matter what happens in the future my family will always stick by me. This really does eleviate a lot of the pressure put on me because you hear so many stories of people whose families have turned their backs on them when they have come out and I can at least be confident that mine wont.
However the confusion comes in the fact that I have fancied more guys than women, making it appear that I am more enclinde to swing one way than the other. So does this mean that I am wrong? Or does the fact that it feels so right make it right?
I feel more comfortable now labelling myself as bisexual than straight, but in a sense am worried about what my friends will think if I come out!
Suggestions are really appreciated here.
Thank You
I first noticed signes that I may be attracted to other girls when was 15 and I don't like to label myself but it has happened more than once and the feeling are quite strong. It makes me feel happy to be in close contact with the person I think I am attracted to, I find myself wanting to kiss and cuddle and even though I am not a natural flurter I find myself doing so quite without realising. It dosn't feel forced and in a lot of cases it's as unexpected as if I find a guy that I like.
I have read a lot of articles over the internet that say in a lot of cases it is up to the individual person to decide whether they are sufficiently attracted to both sexes in order to consider themselves bisexual... and it has now got to the point where I feel a faud if I label myself as straight.
The other day I filled out a short online survey just for fun and for the first time under the catagroy of sexual orientation I labeled myself as bisexial... it was one of the most freeing feelings I have ever experienced! It felt so right, and as though for once I was being honest with myself and the rest of the world about who I actually am!
I am lucky enough to have a really supportive family and have disgussed my feelings with my mom on a number of occassions, who says that she thinks I should just let time tell and if I am bisexual things will all become clear in the end, but no matter what happens in the future my family will always stick by me. This really does eleviate a lot of the pressure put on me because you hear so many stories of people whose families have turned their backs on them when they have come out and I can at least be confident that mine wont.
However the confusion comes in the fact that I have fancied more guys than women, making it appear that I am more enclinde to swing one way than the other. So does this mean that I am wrong? Or does the fact that it feels so right make it right?
I feel more comfortable now labelling myself as bisexual than straight, but in a sense am worried about what my friends will think if I come out!
Suggestions are really appreciated here.
Thank You
Scroll to see replies
I think you already know the answer to this question. You have answered it in the first few paragraphs.
From what I understand, most bisexual people prefer one sex over the other for various purposes or times in their life.
I don't think being bisexual is one of those things you need to "come out" about...but err, I'm not, so I don't really know.
I would just think that if someone asks you, brings up the topic, or makes a move, you would say it and/or go for it...
However, you should go about letting people know in whatever way makes you comfortable. If you think you would feel more free with your friends knowing too, by all means, tell them what you've realized.
From what I understand, most bisexual people prefer one sex over the other for various purposes or times in their life.
I don't think being bisexual is one of those things you need to "come out" about...but err, I'm not, so I don't really know.
I would just think that if someone asks you, brings up the topic, or makes a move, you would say it and/or go for it...
However, you should go about letting people know in whatever way makes you comfortable. If you think you would feel more free with your friends knowing too, by all means, tell them what you've realized.
The thing is I had a really close friend 'come out' about being gay a few weeks ago and everyone was real accepting of him but Im afraid that things will be different for me and because I think I'm bi not lesbian that people will think its just a faze im going through when in reality i think ive really known for years.
I do want my family and friends to know because it's making me really uncomfortable and a little upset them not knowing how i feel but every time I go to tell them I'm just overwhelmed with guilt as though in some way by letting them know I'm being really stupid or letting them down in some way which I know is rediculous!
I don't know whether to talk to the people I know will understand what I'm going through first and then when I feel a little more self assured really open up about it but it just keeps preying on my mind and wont leave me alone!
I keep on feeling that as soon as I open up to people about it its all just going to go away and I'm going to be left feeling like a proper idiot.
But how could something that feels so right? And has done for so long simply go away as soon as you let people know about it?
I do want my family and friends to know because it's making me really uncomfortable and a little upset them not knowing how i feel but every time I go to tell them I'm just overwhelmed with guilt as though in some way by letting them know I'm being really stupid or letting them down in some way which I know is rediculous!
I don't know whether to talk to the people I know will understand what I'm going through first and then when I feel a little more self assured really open up about it but it just keeps preying on my mind and wont leave me alone!
I keep on feeling that as soon as I open up to people about it its all just going to go away and I'm going to be left feeling like a proper idiot.
But how could something that feels so right? And has done for so long simply go away as soon as you let people know about it?
Tell your close, trustworthy friends, That's what I did and it feel great to be liberated - like an internet questionnaire but a lot better 
"Coming out" as bi is somewhat more difficult to bring up as, if you have had straight relatinonships in the past people just aren't expecting it.
Good luck
"Coming out" as bi is somewhat more difficult to bring up as, if you have had straight relatinonships in the past people just aren't expecting it.
Good luck
As I understand it, sexuality is a continuum. We are not either "straight", "gay" or "bisexual", but rather everyone falls somewhere in the middle. Admittedly, most of us are near one extreme or the other, but it's perfectly reasonable to feel some attraction to both sexes, possibly with a preference for one.
As people have said, consider talking to your close friends about it.
As people have said, consider talking to your close friends about it.
James Gurung
As I understand it, sexuality is a continuum. We are not either "straight", "gay" or "bisexual", but rather everyone falls somewhere in the middle. Admittedly, most of us are near one extreme or the other, but it's perfectly reasonable to feel some attraction to both sexes, possibly with a preference for one.
As people have said, consider talking to your close friends about it.
As people have said, consider talking to your close friends about it.
i would also like to elaborate that sexuality is fluid, its never a concrete science - but neither is human psychology. I learned myself I am attracted to certain types of people and their gender doesn't really matter to me, physically I am more attracted to girls but then psychological attraction is a bigger part of my sexuality and i dont choose to narrow my sexuality to black and white absolutes (pansexual)
It's weird OP because I feel exactly the same - and this is the first time I am admitting it, to anyone even to myself.
I am 21 years old, never had a serious relationship, always turn guys who ask me out down saying I prefer being single, having lots of one-night-stands and athough this has been happening in the past 5 years, I don't think it's ever made me feel happy or contented.
I have always felt closer to girls, always though that perhaps it was just their friendship and support I needed, as I suffer from severe depression. I don't know but I find myself more longing this interaction with another female than a guy - although my best friend is a guy, and he is gay.
Anyway, I have never done anything with another girl, not even kissed them - to be honest, in my head I could perhaps see the kiss but nothing else, where with guys I can go all the way. I don't really know what is going on in my head.
I am either straight, hate sex and crave friendship ith a girl.
I am Bi and just realising the fact.
I am gay, have been in denial, had so many one-night-stands, cant vision being with a girl and know that my parents would disown me if i were this way and knowing within myself, that I wanna be one of the above.
I think I may be bi, don't know if I should perhaps initiate something with a girl or not, and see how it makes me feel, or continue to try and find the perfect guy which I am sure is out there somewhere, and work with my commitment issues and try and have a relationship, to see if it would work and would make me happy.
I hate being confused.
I am 21 years old, never had a serious relationship, always turn guys who ask me out down saying I prefer being single, having lots of one-night-stands and athough this has been happening in the past 5 years, I don't think it's ever made me feel happy or contented.
I have always felt closer to girls, always though that perhaps it was just their friendship and support I needed, as I suffer from severe depression. I don't know but I find myself more longing this interaction with another female than a guy - although my best friend is a guy, and he is gay.
Anyway, I have never done anything with another girl, not even kissed them - to be honest, in my head I could perhaps see the kiss but nothing else, where with guys I can go all the way. I don't really know what is going on in my head.
I am either straight, hate sex and crave friendship ith a girl.
I am Bi and just realising the fact.
I am gay, have been in denial, had so many one-night-stands, cant vision being with a girl and know that my parents would disown me if i were this way and knowing within myself, that I wanna be one of the above.
I think I may be bi, don't know if I should perhaps initiate something with a girl or not, and see how it makes me feel, or continue to try and find the perfect guy which I am sure is out there somewhere, and work with my commitment issues and try and have a relationship, to see if it would work and would make me happy.
I hate being confused.
Hollz
I am either straight, hate sex and crave friendship ith a girl.
I am Bi and just realising the fact.
I am gay, have been in denial, had so many one-night-stands, cant vision being with a girl and know that my parents would disown me if i were this way and knowing within myself, that I wanna be one of the above.
I am either straight, hate sex and crave friendship ith a girl.
I am Bi and just realising the fact.
I am gay, have been in denial, had so many one-night-stands, cant vision being with a girl and know that my parents would disown me if i were this way and knowing within myself, that I wanna be one of the above.
Or you don't actually fit 100% into one of the above labels, as many people (myself included) don't. I'm definitely not straight, because I am attracted to girls, but I'm not gay either because I'm attracted to boys too. I am currently in a relationship with a girl, despite never before believing I could/would want to be.
Maybe you're more along the lines of bi-curious? But I'd advise you stop trying to label yourself and just enjoy being you. Once you lift the pressure of trying to fit into a certain stereotype you'll realise that love is love and there isn't a set pattern as to which sex you might fall for next.
Hollz
It's weird OP because I feel exactly the same - and this is the first time I am admitting it, to anyone even to myself.
I am 21 years old, never had a serious relationship, always turn guys who ask me out down saying I prefer being single, having lots of one-night-stands and athough this has been happening in the past 5 years, I don't think it's ever made me feel happy or contented.
I have always felt closer to girls, always though that perhaps it was just their friendship and support I needed, as I suffer from severe depression. I don't know but I find myself more longing this interaction with another female than a guy - although my best friend is a guy, and he is gay.
Anyway, I have never done anything with another girl, not even kissed them - to be honest, in my head I could perhaps see the kiss but nothing else, where with guys I can go all the way. I don't really know what is going on in my head.
I think I may be bi, don't know if I should perhaps initiate something with a girl or not, and see how it makes me feel, or continue to try and find the perfect guy which I am sure is out there somewhere, and work with my commitment issues and try and have a relationship, to see if it would work and would make me happy.
I hate being confused.
I am 21 years old, never had a serious relationship, always turn guys who ask me out down saying I prefer being single, having lots of one-night-stands and athough this has been happening in the past 5 years, I don't think it's ever made me feel happy or contented.
I have always felt closer to girls, always though that perhaps it was just their friendship and support I needed, as I suffer from severe depression. I don't know but I find myself more longing this interaction with another female than a guy - although my best friend is a guy, and he is gay.
Anyway, I have never done anything with another girl, not even kissed them - to be honest, in my head I could perhaps see the kiss but nothing else, where with guys I can go all the way. I don't really know what is going on in my head.
I think I may be bi, don't know if I should perhaps initiate something with a girl or not, and see how it makes me feel, or continue to try and find the perfect guy which I am sure is out there somewhere, and work with my commitment issues and try and have a relationship, to see if it would work and would make me happy.
I hate being confused.
I am exactly the same as you, although I am 18. I haven't really felt the longing urge and true fire and passion and jealousy with a guy even though I've dated several, but with certain friends that are female, if they get boyfriend, I used to get quite jealous (although they don't know about how I felt and probably won't do either.)
Also, I have the massive urge to cuddle and kiss with some particular female friends, but they're not really the type. Like you, I'm not sure whether it's just the soul-mate friendship I'm looking for because I've never had a long-term best friend whilst my friends that I hang with now, all do. I crave for that type of friendship every day...
I could also never tell my female friends because they'd think I fancy them and they're straight as a laser. I know they would have reservations about me hugging them 'cause they might think it turns me on...
They ALL have boyfriends which doesn't bother me at all... (when I was younger it used to) because the guys that do ask me out, I too say that "I just want to be single for the moment" yes, I used that exact line twice in a month!I mean maybe it's just that I haven't been attracted to these guys but then why have I been attracted to some of my female friends? *sigh* I'd like to try out a girl-girl relationship but to do that, I'd have to tell people I'm bi-curious and incur the wrath of saying it.
This is also the first time I've ever told this to anyone, but seeing someone else in the same position has made me go for it. Thanks Hollz.
Firstly, I don't quite understand why you need desperate help? Help with labelling yourself? Labels are nothing. Everyone needs to stop labelling themselves because its pointless and it limits you. Plus, people change over time. I had a boyfriend last year, and leaned more towards the straight side. I have a girlfriend this year, and lean more towards girls. Forget about being straight, bi or gay and just do what feels right. F*** what anyone says if they ask you what you are. You are you.
We can't answer this question for you, it's you who must decide whether what you are feeling is a 'phase' or whether it's something more. Most importantly, you've got to try and not beat yourself up about it. You are what you are. Not everyone may be (homo/bi)sexual, but then again, not everyone is straight either. Try not to worry about it too much and just go with the flow! You'll find that most people wouldn't give a damn if you were bisexual or gay, all they want to know is if you're a great guy to hang out with!
That's slightly less confusing than a girl I talked to. She said she was turned on by girls kissing/whatever (i.e. found it arousing) and thought certain girls were fit on T.V. But when it comes to real life she never likes girls liek that. She said she could never bring herself to kiss/touch a girl like that (nor wants to) and certainly would not go out with a girl.
Didn't know what the heck she is. Think it shows that continuum stuff the guys were talking about earlier is true.
Didn't know what the heck she is. Think it shows that continuum stuff the guys were talking about earlier is true.
I guess when I said desperately needed that was a little OTT lol but there are so many threads similar to this that I was just trying to think of something to help this one stand out. I do try not to label myself and most of the time am very happy and proud just being me. I guess in a sense I am confused because some people will tell me that it's just a phase but deep down I've known for years that the potential has been there for me to find other women just as attractive as other men and although I've never had a girlfriend I've never had a boyfriend either so that means absolutely nothing. I think in a sense it's just good to be able to come on here and speak to other people who are feeling in the same boat as me. It helps make you realise that you are not on your own.
As to labelling myself as I say I try not to but in the past if I have had to I have always said that I am straight... although I think that I may have also been giving off signals to certain women that I like without even realsing it as I have been asked on many occassions is I swing that way. When this has happened I have always just deneyed it but I think in a sense there was always a fear of accepting what I was feeling then.
Now I have accepted and come to terms with the fact that I may well be bisexual I am more worried about what other people will think on me... even though it in no way changes the person that I am.
Sometimes to talk to people and get it all out in the open in a no pressure environment such as this forum can really help and this has certainly helped to make things feel a little more real!
As to labelling myself as I say I try not to but in the past if I have had to I have always said that I am straight... although I think that I may have also been giving off signals to certain women that I like without even realsing it as I have been asked on many occassions is I swing that way. When this has happened I have always just deneyed it but I think in a sense there was always a fear of accepting what I was feeling then.
Now I have accepted and come to terms with the fact that I may well be bisexual I am more worried about what other people will think on me... even though it in no way changes the person that I am.
Sometimes to talk to people and get it all out in the open in a no pressure environment such as this forum can really help and this has certainly helped to make things feel a little more real!
it has now got to the point where I feel a faud if I label myself as straight.
Why do you need to label yourself as anything?
Rich_b
I am glad it has helped
Talking so often does and "coming out" will, if you are ready for it, make you feel so much better about who you are, being able to discuss your feelings around your friends. I did it a few months back and felt so liberated.
Talking so often does and "coming out" will, if you are ready for it, make you feel so much better about who you are, being able to discuss your feelings around your friends. I did it a few months back and felt so liberated.
I do in a sense now feel ready to accept myself for who I am... but I fear that other people may not! I'm kind of afriad of what the reaction will be. I don't know whether to speak to one of my closest friends about it first. He came out as gay a few weeks ago and so should know what it feels like... plus he's like a brother to me! On the other hand why does the thought of coming out about it make me feel so guilty?
My boyfriend's bisexual. Makes things interesting! He's camper than a row of tents but we love each to bits....awww!
Anonymous
I do in a sense now feel ready to accept myself for who I am... but I fear that other people may not! I'm kind of afriad of what the reaction will be. I don't know whether to speak to one of my closest friends about it first. He came out as gay a few weeks ago and so should know what it feels like... plus he's like a brother to me! On the other hand why does the thought of coming out about it make me feel so guilty?
He sounds like the ideal guy to speak to first.
You should feel no guilt, afterall you have done absoloutely nothing wrong.
LOL at the Advice Desperately needed..am I bisexual Big thing.
Big thing.
As my friend says 'Were all bisexual, some of us just repress it'.
Interesting theory, personally I dont see anything wrong with it.. if anything your not limiting yourself.
I know we generally like to strive to know what we are, and who we are but dont feel to rushed to have to label yourself. Your obviously confused, and over time im sure it will resolve itself and you will come to a conclusion, But just be happy in who you are. You dont have to tell people anything you dont want them to know.
Interesting theory, personally I dont see anything wrong with it.. if anything your not limiting yourself.
I know we generally like to strive to know what we are, and who we are but dont feel to rushed to have to label yourself. Your obviously confused, and over time im sure it will resolve itself and you will come to a conclusion, But just be happy in who you are. You dont have to tell people anything you dont want them to know.
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