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Dealing with thinking people hate you
I've always had quite low confidence/self-esteem and found it difficult to make friends.
Things have been going better for me in the friends-making department and then someone put the idea in my head that everyone hates me (not sure if it was supposed to be a joke as this person jokes a lot
)
Anyway I don't know that if, when I feel like someone doesn't like me it's me being paranoid - in which case I tell myself to pull myself together and stop being silly...
But, there is always the possibility that someone doesn't like me (and are being fake) and that I'm not imagining it/being paranoid.
Can't remember where I was going with this... errrrm
Things have been going better for me in the friends-making department and then someone put the idea in my head that everyone hates me (not sure if it was supposed to be a joke as this person jokes a lot
)Anyway I don't know that if, when I feel like someone doesn't like me it's me being paranoid - in which case I tell myself to pull myself together and stop being silly...
But, there is always the possibility that someone doesn't like me (and are being fake) and that I'm not imagining it/being paranoid.
Can't remember where I was going with this... errrrm
Anonymous
I've always had quite low confidence/self-esteem and found it difficult to make friends.
Things have been going better for me in the friends-making department and then someone put the idea in my head that everyone hates me (not sure if it was supposed to be a joke as this person jokes a lot )
Anyway I don't know that if, when I feel like someone doesn't like me it's me being paranoid - in which case I tell myself to pull myself together and stop being silly...
But, there is always the possibility that someone doesn't like me (and are being fake) and that I'm not imagining it/being paranoid.
Can't remember where I was going with this... errrrm
Things have been going better for me in the friends-making department and then someone put the idea in my head that everyone hates me (not sure if it was supposed to be a joke as this person jokes a lot
)Anyway I don't know that if, when I feel like someone doesn't like me it's me being paranoid - in which case I tell myself to pull myself together and stop being silly...
But, there is always the possibility that someone doesn't like me (and are being fake) and that I'm not imagining it/being paranoid.
Can't remember where I was going with this... errrrm
My sympathies
I think everyone feels a bit like this at odd times (I know I certainly do) and unfortunately sometimes, when your friends make a joke, it hits on the one sore spot you have. It's quite likely that they don't really mean it - they're making a joke about it because they think you're confident enough to take it and to know that it's a joke. But quite often it just shakes your confidence. Just think of it this way: if they're confident enough to make a joke about it, it's probably not true. When friends say to me, "Get your fat ass over here!", I know that they genuinely don't think I'm fat, but that I'm un-fat enough to know that it's a joke, if that makes any sense.So stop worrying; you can't help what people think of you - if they don't like you, well, they don't like you, it doesn't necessarily mean it's your fault they don't like you - it might just be them. And good luck!
xxx
Reply 3
Are you me??
Seriously. That was a major problem for me a few years back - but the thing is, I was so convinced people hated me that eventually they really did; through my being insociable and paranoid around them.
It's no so bad now, I think your surroundings play a big part in your confidence/self asteem. For example; I lived in a pretty opressive and violent household when I was a kid, and I was exactly how you describe yourself throughout the entirety of school. It's pretty much a downward spiral as far as being paranoid leads to being self concious, leads to feeling/being uncomfortable, leads to getting bullied etc etc.
As soon as I moved out of my mother's house I totally transformed within a matter of a few months. I do feel the old insecurities creeping back sometimes; I get paranoid that people don't like me and sometimes I don't know how to act around people as I don't want them to dislike me. I don't think that will ever change. Some of my friends at uni absolutely refuse to believe that I was ever shy or insecure, I have just perfected hiding it.
You're not alone, hun. Feel free to PM me if you wanna talk it over.
Seriously. That was a major problem for me a few years back - but the thing is, I was so convinced people hated me that eventually they really did; through my being insociable and paranoid around them.
It's no so bad now, I think your surroundings play a big part in your confidence/self asteem. For example; I lived in a pretty opressive and violent household when I was a kid, and I was exactly how you describe yourself throughout the entirety of school. It's pretty much a downward spiral as far as being paranoid leads to being self concious, leads to feeling/being uncomfortable, leads to getting bullied etc etc.
As soon as I moved out of my mother's house I totally transformed within a matter of a few months. I do feel the old insecurities creeping back sometimes; I get paranoid that people don't like me and sometimes I don't know how to act around people as I don't want them to dislike me. I don't think that will ever change. Some of my friends at uni absolutely refuse to believe that I was ever shy or insecure, I have just perfected hiding it.
You're not alone, hun. Feel free to PM me if you wanna talk it over.
Reply 4
Ywiss
Just think of it this way: if they're confident enough to make a joke about it, it's probably not true. When friends say to me, "Get your fat ass over here!", I know that they genuinely don't think I'm fat, but that I'm un-fat enough to know that it's a joke, if that makes any sense.
I love this Ywiss, such a good way to look at things! I'm gonna use that idea to change my thinking, have been applying it today and things have been going quite cooly
Thanks for all your replies
Reply 5
Is it that big of a deal if someone accually hates you?
I think not. Everyone hates someone and you dislike people too. It isn't a major part of your life that you should focus on. Rather focus on those who actually mean something to you and who you know are sincere in the way they act towards you.
I think not. Everyone hates someone and you dislike people too. It isn't a major part of your life that you should focus on. Rather focus on those who actually mean something to you and who you know are sincere in the way they act towards you.
Reply 7
I was in your position when i was about 17 desperate for peoples friendship and convinced everyone hated me.
Assuming its not low confidence and these people do dislike you you ahve two options.
1. You can feel bad about it and try and make them like you.
2. You can develop an attitude of if they like me then fair play if they dont i owe them nothing.
Number two can save you a lot of grief. Just be yourself in this world there are people who will love you, like you, be indifferent to you, dislike you and loathe you for no reason other than your personalities clash. Its the way of the world.
Assuming its not low confidence and these people do dislike you you ahve two options.
1. You can feel bad about it and try and make them like you.
2. You can develop an attitude of if they like me then fair play if they dont i owe them nothing.
Number two can save you a lot of grief. Just be yourself in this world there are people who will love you, like you, be indifferent to you, dislike you and loathe you for no reason other than your personalities clash. Its the way of the world.
I use to be caught in the trap of trying to be all things to all people, ie tremendous child, fabulous loyal friend, people's opinions used to matter a great deal to me, then on realizing that I was actually doing my own head in by being so "nice", on overhearing a remark by a former friend that as she had a date, she was sure that I would do her course-work for her as I was so nice, "snigger", well that was a rude-awakening, and I came to the conclusion that if people hate me then that's their loss, learn to value yourself and others will too, on comments by others, ie " get your fat ass over here", then I wouldn't take offence at that because if somebody was going to be derogatory about your ass they would probably comment about it behind your back.
Reply 9
i have the same problem because im quiet and i dont constantly make jokes and act all fake to be liked, i just want to be me and apparently thats not good enough. if anything goes wrong i get blamed and then if i stand up to them i get laughed at. i hate it, but i also think my insecurity doesnt help. confidence does wonders 
Reply 10
Presumably dealing with thinking people hate you is easier than knowing people hate you, which is my predicament.
Chumbaniya
Presumably dealing with thinking people hate you is easier than knowing people hate you, which is my predicament.
Cheer up I think the majority of my friends dont fully get on with me either, and im just like a past-time to them, not a pretty feeling.
However, when I go to uni later this year, and my circle of friends is shattered, I guess that will show who the real friends are when they stay intouch etc
On the plusside, if theyre making jokes about you, atleast theyre talking to you
something they probably wouldnt do if they truely hated youReply 12
Robbolo Cheer up
Cheer upOh, I'm not unhappy. People hate me, I hate people - it's a mutual thing.
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