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Finish with him?

Me and my current boyfriend have been going through a bit of a rough patch..he has these huge issues with my ex boyfriend, who is still a pretty good mate of mine. The situation is complicated, but basically my ex was with his ex at one point, and so its all a bit of a sore subjects, for the pair of us.

Anyway - everytime I even speak to my ex he goes crazy. Like on Friday night for example, we went out with mutual friends to the pub, and my ex was working in the bar we went to. I didn't speak to him much, obviously, because he was working..but we all said we'd come back and hang out with him once he'd finished (all of my mates are pretty good mates of his too, and I was hanging out with some of his mates too and his sister). We went away to this bar and my boyfriend snapped at me for no reason, and said "You may have been able to tell Damien (my ex) what to do but you can't do it to me". And it was just totally random - came out of nowhere. The thing that gets to me is he always brings him up like that..uses him as a way of trying to get to me.

Then we went back to meet Damien, and he thought I was being off with him because Damien was there..but I wasn't it was just 'cause of what he'd said to me before. We then had a pretty huge row about him in the middle of the pub.

I mean..I can understand why it might be a bit weird for him, me still being pretty good mates with my ex. But its not like I was sat there flirting with him right in front of him, there was loads of other people there..and I didn't even speak to him that much.

I don't know what to do - certain parts of him remind me of my ex, and I don't really want go down that route again if thats how its going to be.

Sorry for the long rant..just needed to get it out of my system - any suggestions as to what I can do? I don't want to split up with him, but he won't even talked to me about what happened - he's just been acting like nothing's happened..which is the problem because it will only be the same the next time.

Reply 1

SmilerNuts

i had exactly the same problem except i was in your boyfriends shoes. i made out like i didnt wanna talk about it but when my gf turned round and just talked to me about it and we sorted it all out i felt so much better. I wanted to make the first move but was scared of what she'd say and i expect he is the same

Reply 2

shewantstobeme

I'd say just talk to your boyfriend about how he's feeling when you're both in a calm and controlled situation. Talking about it when neither of you were too open to discussion could cause more arguments, so just wait until you've both chilled out, and when it's just the two of you alone and relaxed.
That was you will be able to vent your feelings to one another honestly and calmly. Maybe just propose a few of your thoughts or ideas to him, then leave it for a day or so, and then discuss it again.
I find that works well, as it gives you a chance to put your feelings together before saying your responce. That way you'll both know where each other stands.

Only you will know if you're not feeling the relationship anymore. If upon discussion you decide it may not be the best thing for the two of you to be together, again talk about it, or see how it goes as it might just be a stressful patch.

Good luck :smile:

Reply 3

bunthulhu

If your boyfriend has a big problem with your ex, can't you just keep them separate? See your ex if you're out with just your friends perhaps, but don't bring your boyfriend along if you know your ex will be there and you're going to all be spending time together :s-smilie: