The Student Room Group

when should i dump him?

This is going to sound so lame but is really upsetting me...

I have realised I need to break up with my boyfriend. He was a really good friend when we got together but I've found I really don't like him as much as a boyfriend, he's upset me a fair few times and I've realised I need to be single at the moment. He seems to be really into me and I know that breaking up with him will hurt him a lot. However, this coming weekend is something we've had planned for ages and part of it involves us going away which is part of my Christmas present to him. I know dragging it out/making excuses won't help, but a part of me wants to wait until we've had this last weekend together before breaking up with him (I know valentine's day is next week but we're not celebrating that anyway). I don't want to ruin what we had planned. He knows something is wrong I think but is clinging on and saying we will work it out.

What would you do? :frown:

Scroll to see replies

Whatever you do DON'T dump him ON Valentines Day! Either wait for a week after or do it as soon as possible. Screw the weekend thing. I'd say it's unfair to dump anyone within, I dunno, 3 days of Valentines Day.
I had this exact same situation right before xmas! took me 3 attempts to dump her cause she just wouldnt let me!
I wanted to dump her for about 3 months but kept fidning excuses not to (birthday, xmas, anniversary etc) but when i finally did it i felt so much better. if you go on the trip you wont enjoy it and it will be wasted. IMO get it over with as soon as possible
Reply 3
I had to wait a couple of weeks between the time I decided to break up with my boyfriend and the actual break up. And I saw him in between. It was awful because he knew something was wrong with me, and somehow he'd sensed what it was. So he was upset, and I was upset, and it was rubbish.
If you feel like you can pretend for a week end, you can wait... I know I couldn't.
Reply 4
matt@internet
Whatever you do DON'T dump him ON Valentines Day! Either wait for a week after or do it as soon as possible. Screw the weekend thing. I'd say it's unfair to dump anyone within, I dunno, 3 days of Valentines Day.



Um its more than 3 days. :p:

Do it asap dont wait its not fair!
dump him in a few weeks.
A few weeks is too late! if you're not happy with someone its better to get it over with sooner rather than letting it drag on, especially if you wanna be friends afterwards
do it now. i put off breaking up with my ex for ages: i was always finding excuses for our relationship and reasons to stay together. before i left uni for christmas, i realised that i was just being a coward and that i was staying in a relationship that i didn't want simply because it was easier than breaking up with him... and then i decided to postpone the actual break up until the beginning of this term.

to cut a long story short, being with him when i realised i didn't want to be - even though i wasn't actually seeing him - drove me up the wall and i dumped him two days before christmas. and i don't feel bad about it because, to be honest, i would always have been able to find an excuse about the timing, and it just had to be done. if you don't want to be with him, just end it, regardless of plans: it's better for both of you in the long run.
Reply 8
You can't keep someone in the dark over this, and go on pretending that everythings ok, because unfortunately, it'll only make it a damn sight more difficult when you do split up with him. It's not fair on him, and it's not fair on you.
Reply 9
Just do it now, then you'll have the relief of getting it over and done with, and he won't be dragged along thinking everything is all good. Just meet up with him as soon as possible and do it. But yes, not actually ON valentines day is probably better.
Reply 10
Do it now, show no weakness. Don't put him through Valentine's Day being together or that will really crush him when you dump him.
Reply 11
You'll feel so much better once you've got it out of the way; do it as soon as possible. It's pretty obvious from your post that it's preying on your mind. I had been the same about splitting up with my now ex-boyfriend for a while, but I finally got around to doing it last week and am so glad I did. It feels better to be honest (well, as honest to him about the reasons as social decorum & tact allow.)
sssh
It feels better to be honest (well, as honest to him about the reasons as social decorum & tact allow.)


so i'm not the only one who doesnt always tell the whole truth when breaking up with someone? lol excellent, except they always suspect soemthing...
Reply 13
FrenchGal
I had to wait a couple of weeks between the time I decided to break up with my boyfriend and the actual break up. And I saw him in between. It was awful because he knew something was wrong with me, and somehow he'd sensed what it was. So he was upset, and I was upset, and it was rubbish.
If you feel like you can pretend for a week end, you can wait... I know I couldn't.


Oh I remember when that happened to me. Funnily enough, I had sense that there was something wrong but I dismissed it as paranoia, cus basically my bf gave me no hints that he was going to break up with me. Nonetheless I felt paranoid that he was gonna leave me and he doesn't love me anymore (and the like) and that hasn't happened since the first few weeks of the relationship, and I dismissed it. But I would cry cus I got "thinking", I remember. Then, lo and behold, he told me let's break up :rolleyes: Took him about 3 goes before he managed... and then we got back together :rolleyes:

As for the OP - I'd do the weekend thing with him. He would feel rubbish on the weekend thinking he was meant to be doing whatever with you but instead he's lost you. I'd give him that weekend, as a goodbye thing.
SmilerNuts
so i'm not the only one who doesnt always tell the whole truth when breaking up with someone? lol excellent, except they always suspect soemthing...


*groan*

Me: "I don't think things are going to work out..."

Him: "Is there something you're not telling me?"

Me: "Alright, I found out you're going with a GUY behind my back!"

I'm so bad at confrontation I wasn't even going to mention it, lol!
ooh that is harsh phantom! did he still wanna stay with you?
Dragging things out does nobody any good. I dragged out my relationship with my ex for about six weeks longer than I wanted to, and about three months longer than I should have and I regret that because it made both of us miserable when we were together, and then made the break up pretty messy... mostly because he didn't cope so well. Honesty is such a release!
matt@internet
Whatever you do DON'T dump him ON Valentines Day! Either wait for a week after or do it as soon as possible. Screw the weekend thing. I'd say it's unfair to dump anyone within, I dunno, 3 days of Valentines Day.


Haha, why not?
SmilerNuts
ooh that is harsh phantom! did he still wanna stay with you?


No, the scumwad...meh. My new guy is much better anyway! :p: (edit for bad spelling)
yeah whats so wrong with dumping him on valentines day? especially if they're not celebrating it anyway.

phantom - thats what they all say but you're probably right lol