Nice guy - bad guy...

I am what you would call a 'nice guy'. If a female mate (especially if I fancy them) asks me to do something for them I would do it. I would listen to their problems, and would think twice before saying something - incase I offend them. I guess I acted in this manner because I thought to myself that if I act nice, then maybe they will like me........I was wrong.

What just ended up happening was that with a lot fo these girls I am mates with, I just end up becoming an agony uncle - listening to strings of their problems from one boy to another and how they "wish that nice guys exist".

Lately, however I have stopped caring at all. I just cannot be bothered with how I am percieved, may it be positive or negative. For example, if a female mate tells me to do something and I cannot be bothered with doing it, I will say to them exactly that (just as I would do with a male mate). I am also finding that lately I have become a lot more cruder with my comments, as before I would be very reluctant to make a cocky joke incase I caused offense. I am less sensitive now, and cannot be bothered in listening to x relationship problem and if I have an opinion on something I would just say it. I feel like a right a dick deep down inside, but I just felt that before I was just being pushed around and seen as a softie.

Of course I am still affectionate i.e. I will give hugs etc and give advice when neeeded.

Is my behaviour right or wrong?

You're obviously fed up of being a bit of an emotional doormat... It's neither right nor wrong, just frustration I think.

As you said, you are just acting the typical bloke. You act immaturely when these girls are asking you for help and although you do give them advice, some of it is laced with humour, as if you are not taking them seriously. Whilst some people would think that was ok, I personally think that you are being very unkind to these girls. They have come to trust you as someone who can help them through their problems and now you are effectively telling them that you don't care. If you don't care about their problems, just tell them that all of the time and not bother with the advice giving since if you give advice to some girls and not others you will cause a rift between you and them to form.
The girls you do help and give advice to will see you not giving advice to these other girls and conclude that you must like them more than those other girls. You will end up alienating the girls who you 'can't be bothered with' and may end up pushing away the other girls as well.

As you said, you are just acting the typical bloke. You act immaturely when these girls are asking you for help and although you do give them advice, some of it is laced with humour, as if you are not taking them seriously. Whilst some people would think that was ok, I personally think that you are being very unkind to these girls. They have come to trust you as someone who can help them through their problems and now you are effectively telling them that you don't care. If you don't care about their problems, just tell them that all of the time and not bother with the advice giving since if you give advice to some girls and not others you will cause a rift between you and them to form.
The girls you do help and give advice to will see you not giving advice to these other girls and conclude that you must like them more than those other girls. You will end up alienating the girls who you 'can't be bothered with' and may end up pushing away the other girls as well.

I've said this before and I'll say it again - All women are mental. I know how frustrating it is when they complain about wanting a 'nice guy' and you feel like screaming "I'm right here!"

It's just your way of dealing with issues you have. It'll probably pass in time or it's just your personality changing. Personality is an environmental trait, so it seems likely.

I've been in this position before, I got fed up with being the 'nice guy' and I actually had a short spell of just being, for lack of a better word - an *******. I eventually discovered that my friends liked me for who I am, not what I am. When I became the '*******' I soon found myself being distanced from people I was once close to.

It was only a phase though, I'm back to who I really am. If people can't accept me for being the 'nice guy' or want to have relationships with me; that's their loss, not mine. I'm a happier person because I don't want to be anyone else. You don't always get what you want in this life.

What would you rather have? Your wants or your resolve?

Just be warned - if you're going to go down the '*******' route, you will probably find you begin to have friends victimise you. You'll find yourself unhappy because you're being false. The grass is not always greener.

I've said this before and I'll say it again - All women are mental. I know how frustrating it is when they complain about wanting a 'nice guy' and you feel like screaming "I'm right here!"

The truth is women don't know what they want and they seem to expect blokes to work it out for them. You just need to learn how to not get stuck in the 'friend zone'. Try dating girls who you've just met in future and never compromise with just being friends.

That is what I am worried about. I don't want to alienate them. But at the same time I don't want to become their 'gay' best mate or an emotional toy for whenever they have problems. I do care, and give advice but don't sugarcoat it like I would have done.

Also, it is incredibly frustrating (sorry girls) when I hear girls say "why are there no nice guys???" to me - when they are talking to one.

Yes, exactly. Well it gets even worse when girls say "Ohh your such a good looking guy, I am sure there is someone out there for you" (oh ffs man!) . One of my female mates is incredble to listen to, she said to me once "You know what x you are the complete package. You are nice, good looking and intelligent" , I just thought (so why am I single???? Fantastic!)

From personal experience, this is the kind of thing I'd say if I was trying to hint at the guy to make a move, cuz I'd be too shy to myself.
Then again, I've also said this to a good friend when he was feeling upset about being single.
Maybe the girls want you to make the move though?

Case in point then, you are blind. You don't know what you want. Stop trying to defend something which is beyond respute.

You [females] say you want 'nice guys' but you go off with the arrogant lads who treat you like dirt. Authentic 'nice guys' who grow up, take on board that girls want 'nice guys' and develop accordingly. They are then shunned, lonely, hurt and finally confused because they've been neglected for the polar representation of what women claim they want. Women then use said 'nice guys' for recovering from their self-infliction. No doubt accusing all men of being bastards.

Women need to learn some very important lessons and educate themselves on how to expand past their myopic vision.

From personal experience, this is the kind of thing I'd say if I was trying to hint at the guy to make a move, cuz I'd be too shy to myself.

I know there is an element of truth in the attractiveness part becuase a lot of people have complimented me - most notably with the word 'handsome'. My male mates keep telling me that I just lack confidence and need to grab a pair of bulls. Thus the current personality change. To give you an idea of how shy I am, I have been asked by a girl to kiss her (this has not happened to any of my mates, I got her to kiss my cheek cos I didn't felt right to take advantage of her drunk)

Anonymous #1 - You need to discover a balance. You need to be arrogant enough to hurt people to get what you want/need but also remain the nice guy and stay true to yourself.

I agree with what cpj1987 said though, it seems as if she liked you but was too shy to perhaps admit to it. Or, she was just mental and obviously just slightly foolish for not realising how saying such a thing could affect you.

One thing I have learned from all this though Anon #1, is that you need to be more foreward and confident with what you want. Don't ever rely on girls coming to you, because despite what they say - they never will, even in this day and age. Girls seem to want a man who goes out and gets things for himself.

This is a lesson I wish I learned when I was 17 because I would've been much happier for it.

I'll leave you with this point for the time being: Although all women are mental, not all of them are blind. For most though, it takes some harsh lessons before they realise where to really look.

How am I blind? I am far from it. I wouldn't cast myself under the generalisations and aspersions which you throw about casually. I wouldn't deem either sex as one thing nor another, in terms of their tendencies towards relationships.