I don't really fancy people

Hey guys

I'm sorry if this thread sounds paranoid- I think I just need some reassurance really.

I'm nearly 21 and have had a few relationships, though none lasting longer than 6 months. I lost my virginity to my last boyfriend.

My problem is two-fold: I don't really fancy boys. I have never had a crush on anyone (celebrity or someone I know) and whilst I occasionally meet men who I think are attractive, it tends to that I can see how they have individual attractive features (e.g.nice eyes, great personality...), rather than that I like them as a whole. In the past I wondered whether I was lesbian, but I don't get crushes on girls either.

What seems to happen is that I realise a guy likes me and although I don't particularly fancy him, I persuade myself that I do and have a relationship with him for a few months, then I realise that actually my feelings only extend to 'he's a nice guy and I'm flattered by the attention' and we break up. It's not that I'm desperate for a relationship- I've been single now for quite a while and am perfectly happy like that, but whenever a guy is interested in me this cycle keeps happening.

I enjoyed sex with my ex but only in the sense that I enjoyed the fact that it was making him happy and he was taking pleasure in my body- sex was at best uncomfortable and at worst painful. I know that it gets better with time and practice, but I have never orgasmed either alone or with someone else and whilst I keep picking men who I don't actually fancy this isn't going to happen.

I was just wondering whether any of you had some advice for me?

Thanks very much!

Reply 1

bone-machine

9

hmmm goodness, well possibly your a-sexual?, although maybe you've just not been lucky enough to find someone that floats your boat on all levels

sex gets better with practice, maybe you should invest/experiment with a vibrator/sex toy to try and make you feel like a more sexual being?

have a read through this and see if it makes sense to your situation

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asexuality

http://www.asexuality.org/home/

good luck and i hope you figure it out soon xxxx

Reply 2

Riddy

Anonymous

Hey guys

I'm sorry if this thread sounds paranoid- I think I just need some reassurance really.

I'm nearly 21 and have had a few relationships, though none lasting longer than 6 months. I lost my virginity to my last boyfriend.

My problem is two-fold: I don't really fancy boys. I have never had a crush on anyone (celebrity or someone I know) and whilst I occasionally meet men who I think are attractive, it tends to that I can see how they have individual attractive features (e.g.nice eyes, great personality...), rather than that I like them as a whole. In the past I wondered whether I was lesbian, but I don't get crushes on girls either.

What seems to happen is that I realise a guy likes me and although I don't particularly fancy him, I persuade myself that I do and have a relationship with him for a few months, then I realise that actually my feelings only extend to 'he's a nice guy and I'm flattered by the attention' and we break up. It's not that I'm desperate for a relationship- I've been single now for quite a while and am perfectly happy like that, but whenever a guy is interested in me this cycle keeps happening.

I enjoyed sex with my ex but only in the sense that I enjoyed the fact that it was making him happy and he was taking pleasure in my body- sex was at best uncomfortable and at worst painful. I know that it gets better with time and practice, but I have never orgasmed either alone or with someone else and whilst I keep picking men who I don't actually fancy this isn't going to happen.

I was just wondering whether any of you had some advice for me?

Thanks very much!

Do you get turned on by anything else? Objects/fantasies?

Reply 3

Vampyrcorn

14

The only advice I can think to say is that you should try to learn to be comfortable in yourself. There's no reason you shouldn't feel like you do. If you're happy to be single and don't feel any desire to make the sex, then stay single and don't make the sex. I mean, sure, it's unusual. But don't let the fact that it's unusual force you into pretending to be someone you're not or having a lifestyle that makes you miserable. I guess you just have a very low sex drive.

Maybe when you're older you'll marry someone for the companionship. But for now just concentrate on behaving in the way that best for you. You can't really force yourself to change this so learn to be comfortable with it.

I bet there are loads of other people who feel the same. It sounds like a hormone level thingy to me so it would make sense if there are other people who feel the same way.

I don't really fancy people

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