Is it stupid to be upset over it?

A very close friend of my mother's died recently. :frown:

She described him as 'like a father' and me and my siblings had visited him many time. I felt that I was very close to him and loved him as a member of the family.
When my siblings and I were little we called him 'uncle' and still did for ages. My mother warned me that was wasn't very well and when I was about to go out my younger brother came in a told me that my mother had called. She had said that my 'uncle' had died some time over Christmas in his sleep.
I cried after I heard the news and told my father. He told me to stop being silly as he wasn't my real uncle and to get ready as I was going out in 10 minutes.
Was it stupid of my to be upset over him dying if we were really related and I didn't know him fantastically well? :s-smilie:

Reply 1

bunthulhu

14

Your dad just sounds jealous. Of course it's not stupid to be upset. So what if he's not your 'real uncle'. If you didn't know your 'real mom' you probably wouldn't be too upset if you heard she died. Point is, labels are irrelevant, it's all about the relationship you had with the person and as you said you have been close to him. It's perfectly normal for you to be upset. Ignore your dad, put your feet up and try and cheer yourself up :smile:

Reply 2

JustJam2006

9

Anonymous

A very close friend of my mother's died recently. :frown:

She described him as 'like a father' and me and my siblings had visited him many time. I felt that I was very close to him and loved him as a member of the family.
When my siblings and I were little we called him 'uncle' and still did for ages. My mother warned me that was wasn't very well and when I was about to go out my younger brother came in a told me that my mother had called. She had said that my 'uncle' had died some time over Christmas in his sleep.
I cried after I heard the news and told my father. He told me to stop being silly as he wasn't my real uncle and to get ready as I was going out in 10 minutes.
Was it stupid of my to be upset over him dying if we were really related and I didn't know him fantastically well? :s-smilie:

Absolutely not! There is nothing wrong with being upset. Death is an event with can stir the most unusual reactions from people. Yours is far from unusual. Look at how people reacted to Princess Diana's death in '97...How many people could say that they knew her 'fanstastically well' or at all? I think that you have the right to be upset if you wish...

Things will get better over time :smile:

I too am an emotional being at times and it's nothing to feel silly about :cool:

Reply 3

khil

15

Anonymous

A very close friend of my mother's died recently. :frown:

She described him as 'like a father' and me and my siblings had visited him many time. I felt that I was very close to him and loved him as a member of the family.
When my siblings and I were little we called him 'uncle' and still did for ages. My mother warned me that was wasn't very well and when I was about to go out my younger brother came in a told me that my mother had called. She had said that my 'uncle' had died some time over Christmas in his sleep.
I cried after I heard the news and told my father. He told me to stop being silly as he wasn't my real uncle and to get ready as I was going out in 10 minutes.
Was it stupid of my to be upset over him dying if we were really related and I didn't know him fantastically well? :s-smilie:

It's perfectly normal for you to be upset. What's so different in being upset in this, than to be crying over a close friend who had died? Would it make any less sense for you to cry over the death of a good friend simply cus you were not related? Related by blood can mean the world or nothing at all - it's the bond, the mutual relationship you have with the person that makes it worth anything. If you were close to this "uncle", then you have every reason to be upset about it.

Your dad is either jealous or he simply doesn't understand just how close you were to him. Don't worry about it :hugs:

Reply 4

Jennybean

13

Completely normal to be upset. My dad's best friend died a couple of years ago and it was exactly the same thing really. We called him Uncle Martin and me and my two siblings are best friends with the family's three kids of the same ages. I don't think I've ever cried so much in my life as I did at his funeral, and a couple of times in the following weeks. In lots of ways I felt like I'd lost someone in my family, and seeing the grief of his widow and the kids only intensified the pain. Overall it was an incredibly difficult thing to come to terms with and you shouldn't feel abnormal for reacting the way you did at all. Your dad may have reacted the way he did for any number of reasons. The most likely is that he too was upset and didn't know how to show his emotions. It's often easier to be stern towards people showing their grief than admit you feel the same. Other than that, perhaps whoever said he was jealous could also be right. If you feel this man was like an uncle to you, perhaps it would help to explain to your dad that it doesn't change your love and respect for him and that no one could ever replace him as the most important male role model in your life, but that you need to grieve for someone else who was important to you and whom you saw as an uncle, not a replacement for a father.

Reply 5

abc101

17

Aww, of course it's not stupid. You felt you were close to him, you've lost someone you really cared about, you have every right to be uspet. When a sort of family friend who had worked for us for years died, I cried so much at his funeral and was really upset for a few days, and my mum said what was I crying for, he wasn't like my grandad or anything, I hardly knew him. I know she didn't mean to be nasty but it really hurt. When people act as if you don't have the right to be upset it's horrible, because on top of losing someone, you're being told you're over-reacting and never even knew them, and you feel false, a fraud. You have every right to be upset, but sometimes people just don't understand grief. They're not trying to be nasty, they just feel things in a different way. I hope you find some comfort and get through this time.

Is it stupid to be upset over it?

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