As a sorta prescript this is gonna be long, so if you've an attention span as short as mine, getttt outttt!! lol. Well as the title suggests I'm having some difficulty tickling the funny bone of me peers (17 atm). I'm what you might call clinically depressed, least I think I am, and so do most of the people I know and care about (close friends and parents etc). I don't have a zest for life anymore, have trouble getting motivated or interested and all the usual symptoms that go along with that ****ty illness. I'm going to the docs on Thursday to see for good and all if it's not just me actin a Drama King and exaggerating.
I've no shortage in friends, but me social skills imo are in a word; pants, I find it hard to keep a natural fluid flow to the majority of my conversations, even with friends who I've known for years, best friends, friends who consider me to be one of their closest companions and vice versa. So, as ye can imagine it's annoying me to no end, but as far back as I can remember I've been this way, it's never bothered me so acutely until now though, when I started to really pump diesel into me social life by going out instead of shunning alcohol like I used too.
Most people consider me likeable, but on a par with the rest of me friends and their wit and conversation skills I feel really really weak. I have no confidence with strangers, women or even long known elders like teachers. I've been like this my whole life and until maybe a year ago I think I've been suffering from mild depression, a depression worsened when I entered the whole new world of alcohol (saw how crap me social skills where when I moved out of the 'comfort zone').
Close friends are telling me that I had a 'Golden Past' as such, when I was a happy ****er, took things as they came and had a rosier outlook to life, but for the life of me I can't remember ever being content or comfortable with the skin I'm in, not wholly anyway, I've always considered myself depressed and restless. On top of that my best friend says I was witty once upon a time, so I guess I'm lookin' for the old mojo so to speak.
I can crack the odd funny statement but I feel sorta mechanical sometimes, like I'm cranking out the same **** like a machine. When I try to go the extra mile and exercise some creativity in me humour I usually meet with blocks, I canny concentrate on me intention or something. I want to be more sponatenous, wittier, carefree and random but I'm just not feeling it. It's not the only thing bringing me down into the dumps, conversation skills is a big issue as well, and I seriously feel I have a massive lack when it comes to creativity + memory. So I've three questions.
1) Is there anyway to 'learn' how to be funny/witty/spontaneous etc?
2) Is there hope yet for conversation skills? I really feel inadequate in this department compared with practically everyone of my peers, male and female.
3)If I manage to crush what I percieve to be my depression, will points one and two sort themselves out and cease to be an issue if the dark cloud of depression lifts? Guess what I'm saying is, does depression severely inhibit a sense of humour, creativity, train of thought, conversation skills? I mean, I WANT to socialise, that's one symptom of depression I don't have, I don't want to stay in and hide away. Mind you, this IS an alright day when I feel up to trying to start change, and I have really really bad days.
Sorry to be such a long winded and likely unclear bastard, if you're reading this you've the patience of a Saint, but any help is much appreciated.