username1986099
Badges: 18
Rep:
?
#1
Report Thread starter 5 years ago
#1
Is technology taking over our lives?

Is technology taking over our lives?

During the last decade, the evolution of technology has taken leaps and
bounds over time starting from the start with the first programmable computer
being developed. During this age, it seems we have become accustomed to constantly being on our mobiles and devices whether it be social networking;gaming or texting. Before this decade, there was limit access to phones,computers and other devices. During this essay, I will discuss the concerns, impacts and positives of technology and discuss if it really is a major factor taking over our lives.

There are many aspects which have been majorly developed due to the advancement of technology over the decade with many people suggesting that it is just a substitute for anything else we would be doing and we would be fixated on something else. Firstly with the development of technology, we have seen an improvement in health care. For-example, there has been a huge source of information about health care online which allows them to search for symptoms and possible medication. Also, there has been a development in the treatment they get providing new machinery and equipment and new medicines which can save the lives of billions. Moreover, it has led to a more efficient way of doctors and nurses recording patient history and treatments and also track trends between families. Finally, we are able to track trends of diseases that become apart.

Moreover, it has lead to a significant increase in the education system. Firstly, it can lead to a greater engagement in lessons due to the new software developed which can be used to enhance a lesson’s experience especially for children such as videos providing a more visual way of learning. Moreover, information can easily be accessible through search engines and other information. Finally, it has reduced the amount of paper that is being used which helps to save the environment.

Finally, it has allowed people to contact other people abroad so that they can keep in contact which can be very important.

However, technology has had some negative impacts. For example, people are becoming less sociable due to the fixation on using devices and tablets. It begins to take the personal lives of others – with many concerns such as constant use causing tiredness and headaches as they seemed to be glued to their screens. It seems, the more that technology increases,the lazier the people become.
This is an incomplete version but I am looking for opinions on rewording, changing vocabulary and generally changing my debating style.Thanks
0
reply
Steeplechasing
Badges: 11
Rep:
?
#2
Report 5 years ago
#2
(Original post by danielwinstanley)
Is technology taking over our lives?

Is technology taking over our lives?

During the last decade, the evolution of technology has taken leaps and
bounds over time starting from the start with the first programmable computer
being developed. During this age, it seems we have become accustomed to constantly being on our mobiles and devices whether it be social networking;gaming or texting. Before this decade, there was limit access to phones,computers and other devices. During this essay, I will discuss the concerns, impacts and positives of technology and discuss if it really is a major factor taking over our lives.

There are many aspects which have been majorly developed due to the advancement of technology over the decade with many people suggesting that it is just a substitute for anything else we would be doing and we would be fixated on something else. Firstly with the development of technology, we have seen an improvement in health care. For-example, there has been a huge source of information about health care online which allows them to search for symptoms and possible medication. Also, there has been a development in the treatment they get providing new machinery and equipment and new medicines which can save the lives of billions. Moreover, it has led to a more efficient way of doctors and nurses recording patient history and treatments and also track trends between families. Finally, we are able to track trends of diseases that become apart.

Moreover, it has lead to a significant increase in the education system. Firstly, it can lead to a greater engagement in lessons due to the new software developed which can be used to enhance a lesson’s experience especially for children such as videos providing a more visual way of learning. Moreover, information can easily be accessible through search engines and other information. Finally, it has reduced the amount of paper that is being used which helps to save the environment.

Finally, it has allowed people to contact other people abroad so that they can keep in contact which can be very important.

However, technology has had some negative impacts. For example, people are becoming less sociable due to the fixation on using devices and tablets. It begins to take the personal lives of others – with many concerns such as constant use causing tiredness and headaches as they seemed to be glued to their screens. It seems, the more that technology increases,the lazier the people become.
This is an incomplete version but I am looking for opinions on rewording, changing vocabulary and generally changing my debating style.Thanks
Hi, I'm made some changes here:
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Is technology taking over our lives?

Throughout the last century, technology has evolved dramatically and taken leaps and bounds over time starting from the first programmable computer being developed. In this new technological age, we are constantly on our mobiles and devices whether it is for social networking, gaming or texting purposes. Before this decade, there was a limited access to phones, computers and such devices. In this essay, I will discuss the concerns, impacts and positives of technology and assess whether it really is a major factor taking over our lives.

There are a number of aspects which have been greatly developed due to the advancement of technology over the decade. Many people have suggested that it is just a substitute for anything else we would be doing and that without technology society we still would be as fixated on something else. Firstly, with the development of technology, we have seen an improvement in health care. For-example, there has been a huge amount of information about health care online which allows ordinary people to search for symptoms and possible medication. Also, there has been a development in the treatment they get as technology has provided new machinery and equipment and new medicines which can save the lives of billions of people. Additionally, it has led to an efficient way for doctors and nurses to record patient history and treatments as well as allowing health professionals to track trends between families. Finally, we are able to trace trends of diseases that have become difficult to track.

Moreover, it has lead to a significant improvement in the education system. Firstly, it can lead to a greater engagement in lessons due to the new software developed which can be used to enhance a lesson’s experience especially for children. This is because videos can provide a more visual way of learning which is beneficial for visual learners. Moreover, information can easily be accessible through search engines. Finally, it has reduced the amount of paper that is being used which helps to save the environment.

Finally, it has allowed people to contact other people abroad so that they can keep in contact which can be very important.

However, technology has had some negative impacts. For example, people are becoming less sociable due to obsessively using devices and tablets. It begins to take toll on the personal lives of some – with many concerns about tiredness and headaches as they some people seem to be glued to their screens. It seems that the more that technology increases, the lazier the people become.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I still think it needs more improvement.

-You've made some interesting points, you just need to arrange them better. For example, most of your essay focuses on the positives of technology, and there's only one final paragraph which focuses on the proposed negatives. The essay is meant to be a debate which means that the explanation of the positives of technology and the negatives of technology need to be more interspersed. How about having one paragraph on the positives, and then one on the negatives, then going back to the positives. It would make the essay less repetitive.
- I've sorted out some of the wording, but I still think you need to work on it. Think: does the sentence flow.
-There's an issue with repetitiveness. You keep using the word 'Moreover'. Try using different connectives to make the essay more interesting and to demonstrate a wider range of vocabulary.

Again, I think there's some interesting points here but they need to be arranged and organised better. You need more structure to you essay and, even though you are clearly in favour of the argument that technology has brought more positives to our lives than negatives, you need to be a bit more balanced. All the best.
0
reply
Steeplechasing
Badges: 11
Rep:
?
#3
Report 5 years ago
#3
Oh, I forgot to say, have another look through it, make the neccessary improvements and send it back to me again so I can have another look. You can do this via PM if you want.
0
reply
username1986099
Badges: 18
Rep:
?
#4
Report Thread starter 5 years ago
#4
(Original post by Steeplechasing)
Oh, I forgot to say, have another look through it, make the neccessary improvements and send it back to me again so I can have another look. You can do this via PM if you want.
Pm sent
0
reply
X

Quick Reply

Attached files
Write a reply...
Reply
new posts
Back
to top
Latest
My Feed

See more of what you like on
The Student Room

You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

Personalise

Do you have the space and resources you need to succeed in home learning?

Yes I have everything I need (386)
56.85%
I don't have everything I need (293)
43.15%

Watched Threads

View All