I can't cope with being autistic :(

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Anonymous #1
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Report Thread starter 5 years ago
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It has been 10 years since i have autism (diagnosed at age 10). Whilst most people don't realise i have this disorder, they know that i am strange (because i'm an introvert)

Signs of autism started randomingly around 2005 when all the friends i made in my church where all starting to ignore and leave. I remember that January 2005, the psychologist told both my mum and dad that i was autistic. I remember after leaving the clinic my parents arguing with me saying 'you watch too much cartoons, thats the cause of this or 'you acted too weird, everyone avoided you'

Autism has caused me to have depression and anxiety and not having any friends for a good 10 years. I haven't had a best friend since 2001 (aged 6) and i have been bullied constantly in school.

My autism is very different to other autistic spectrum disorders. Most autistic people are obsessed/good at for e.g. maths, unusual interests hence people can detect my autism as i have some interests like normal people. My autism is focussed on being an introvert and being socially inept and because i don't display autistic characteristics as much, you will know i'm strange because of my introvertness and social anxiety.

I'm going to uni this year (i guess) and i'm moving away. The idea was to the end this demonic disorder by living in halls and making friends but after failed attempts such as jobs (working as a street fundraiser, becoming an inept team leader), social clubs and most recently my job as an Activity Leader (where i did deal with some autistic children and i realise how sad my life is) i have decided i will be going to uni in pure isloation - i.e not coming out of my room until everywhere is quiet.

There is no future for me (or autistics). This is all my fault for denying myself of my disability when i was younger. I no longer go to my church these days because i can't take the autistic characteristics i posses (despite no one knows i'm autistic in my church) and when i was in college, i was worried what people thought of me because i was an introvert. I do not blame my parents for critising me every day - they wish they had a son who was normal and i was a big disapointment.

I see why the word 'autistic' can be used to insult people these days. We are freaks and weirdoes and it all the Devil's fault for creating some people to have a bad life. I wish that if i was to have a disability, it would be ADHD or dyslexia - at least it doesn't affect social communication. Autism is an evil demonic condition and it ruins peoples lives. I will never have a normal life so people of TSR consider your life great, as no barriers is stopping your progress. For me, i guess this was how it is and hence i hide from people now (i even hide from my own neighbours).
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KingNoosh
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The average life expectancy is 71 and you're only 20 odd, you haven't even gotten half way though life man.

All I can say is hold you chin up high and try to make it as positive as possible.

What are your interests?

You into PC gaming?

What are/were you studying at uni.

Do you have any aspirations or are you a bit iffy on that?


(Original post by Anonymous)
It has been 10 years since i have autism (diagnosed at age 10). Whilst most people don't realise i have this disorder, they know that i am strange (because i'm an introvert)

Signs of autism started randomingly around 2005 when all the friends i made in my church where all starting to ignore and leave. I remember that January 2005, the psychologist told both my mum and dad that i was autistic. I remember after leaving the clinic my parents arguing with me saying 'you watch too much cartoons, thats the cause of this or 'you acted too weird, everyone avoided you'

Autism has caused me to have depression and anxiety and not having any friends for a good 10 years. I haven't had a best friend since 2001 (aged 6) and i have been bullied constantly in school.

My autism is very different to other autistic spectrum disorders. Most autistic people are obsessed/good at for e.g. maths, unusual interests hence people can detect my autism as i have some interests like normal people. My autism is focussed on being an introvert and being socially inept and because i don't display autistic characteristics as much, you will know i'm strange because of my introvertness and social anxiety.

I'm going to uni this year (i guess) and i'm moving away. The idea was to the end this demonic disorder by living in halls and making friends but after failed attempts such as jobs (working as a street fundraiser, becoming an inept team leader), social clubs and most recently my job as an Activity Leader (where i did deal with some autistic children and i realise how sad my life is) i have decided i will be going to uni in pure isloation - i.e not coming out of my room until everywhere is quiet.

There is no future for me (or autistics). This is all my fault for denying myself of my disability when i was younger. I no longer go to my church these days because i can't take the autistic characteristics i posses (despite no one knows i'm autistic in my church) and when i was in college, i was worried what people thought of me because i was an introvert. I do not blame my parents for critising me every day - they wish they had a son who was normal and i was a big disapointment.

I see why the word 'autistic' can be used to insult people these days. I wish that if i was to have a disability, it would be ADHD or dyslexia - at least it doesn't affect social communication. Autism is an evil demonic condition and it ruins peoples lives. I will never have a normal life so people of TSR consider your life great, as no barriers is stopping your progress. For me, i guess this was how it is and hence i hide from people now (i even hide from my own neighbours).
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It's****ingWOODY
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I'm not normally a shoulder to cry on or anything, but just so you know, your parents constantly critisising you is NOT normal or okay. It's their job to instill confidence and self-acceptance into you; your parents should be the last people to make you feel bad about yourself, and quite frankly, the fact that they've done so to someone vulnerable like yourself makes me sick.
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yo!o
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hi! I don't know much about autism but I don't think it's as bad as you're saying it is.... I think you should learn to accept who you are first if you want others to accept you.... I'd like to help you if I can in any way..
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Imperion
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This is just disheartening tbh. Considering you think of it as demonic, I wonder what you've been through.
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claireestelle
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(Original post by Anonymous)
It has been 10 years since i have autism (diagnosed at age 10). Whilst most people don't realise i have this disorder, they know that i am strange (because i'm an introvert)

Signs of autism started randomingly around 2005 when all the friends i made in my church where all starting to ignore and leave. I remember that January 2005, the psychologist told both my mum and dad that i was autistic. I remember after leaving the clinic my parents arguing with me saying 'you watch too much cartoons, thats the cause of this or 'you acted too weird, everyone avoided you'

Autism has caused me to have depression and anxiety and not having any friends for a good 10 years. I haven't had a best friend since 2001 (aged 6) and i have been bullied constantly in school.

My autism is very different to other autistic spectrum disorders. Most autistic people are obsessed/good at for e.g. maths, unusual interests hence people can detect my autism as i have some interests like normal people. My autism is focussed on being an introvert and being socially inept and because i don't display autistic characteristics as much, you will know i'm strange because of my introvertness and social anxiety.

I'm going to uni this year (i guess) and i'm moving away. The idea was to the end this demonic disorder by living in halls and making friends but after failed attempts such as jobs (working as a street fundraiser, becoming an inept team leader), social clubs and most recently my job as an Activity Leader (where i did deal with some autistic children and i realise how sad my life is) i have decided i will be going to uni in pure isloation - i.e not coming out of my room until everywhere is quiet.

There is no future for me (or autistics). This is all my fault for denying myself of my disability when i was younger. I no longer go to my church these days because i can't take the autistic characteristics i posses (despite no one knows i'm autistic in my church) and when i was in college, i was worried what people thought of me because i was an introvert. I do not blame my parents for critising me every day - they wish they had a son who was normal and i was a big disapointment.

I see why the word 'autistic' can be used to insult people these days. We are freaks and weirdoes and it all the Devil's fault for creating some people to have a bad life. I wish that if i was to have a disability, it would be ADHD or dyslexia - at least it doesn't affect social communication. Autism is an evil demonic condition and it ruins peoples lives. I will never have a normal life so people of TSR consider your life great, as no barriers is stopping your progress. For me, i guess this was how it is and hence i hide from people now (i even hide from my own neighbours).
Firstly, you are not a freak You have to stay positive and seek some support once you get to uni, some universities have mentoring systems and befriending mentors who might be able to help you. There is a much bigger pool of people who you can get along with at uni, just because you ve struggled with friends previously doesnt mean you always will. You wont be the only autistic person at your university so try to be positive that there will be other people in your situation. Your parents sound incredibly unsupportive and i would stop listening to their criticism. (As a dyslexic, with a sister with ADHD and step brother with autism i wouldnt wish you yourself had any of the conditions to be honest). With the right support and i suppose acceptance of your condtion and finding coping mechanism you can lead a "normal" life (i say normal but i dont think that there really are any compeltely "normal" people in the world).
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Pathway
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Autism isn't an "evil demonic disorder." I have a feeling your parents have referred to it like this. You also can't get rid of it, it's a developmental disorder, which means you were born with it. The way your brain developed is inherently different to neurotypical people, but that's not a bad thing. Many people with ASD go on to live great lives, so it's quite insulting that you're saying just because you have problems, that you can't see yourself getting anywhere that no one with autism can get anywhere. You're the only person getting in your way. If you need help that's fine, everyone needs a little help at some point in their life. I suggest that you sought out the help of a doctor to help you cope with the depression and anxiety you feel. I don't doubt that constantly being emotionally abused by your parents has led you to feeling like this. What your parents did is not right.
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German123
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I have an autistic friend and sort of know what you mean.

And believe me you don't want to have ADHD or ADD, who wants to be distracted 24/7.

You just have to make more effort with friendships and those that don't want to be your friend then, don't let that get to you because friends will come and go, this is part of life.

As you will go uni, hopefully you can start afresh and maybe find a new church that will embrace who you are and cater for your needs.

You should also go out more, it could be with family, it does not have to be friends.
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champ_mc99
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I heard autistic people are actually sometimes more creative or more skilled in specific fields. I know it's hard bro but always look on the bright side of things.
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German123
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Don't beat yourself up about it but instead pray(assuming you are Christian) to God to help you overcome these anxieties etc.

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Rorschach II
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Is it possible to overcome the severe anxieties?
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by German123)
Don't beat yourself up about it but instead pray(assuming you are Christian) to God to help you overcome these anxieties etc.

I have done that. I have even had deliverance services and nothing works.

Let's not call this anxiety (its another way of being in denial), this is autism and it is destroying my life. It ruined my relationship with my father and caused my relationship with my mother to turned more sour than before.
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Imperion
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(Original post by Anonymous)
It is demonic, anything with a disability is demonic possesed in the bible.

It is all my fault, i'm struggling to cope with nasty disability and i can expect worse in the years to come.
Sigh, please show me where that is written. I don't think it is
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by ChickenMadness)
pretend you're not autistic and copy what the extroverted people do. You may end up forgetting about your past ways after a while.
I have been doing this. No one really knows i'm autistic (or maybe they know but they don't say).

I can be extrovert like you because i'm an introvert.
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It's****ingWOODY
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(Original post by Anonymous)
It is demonic, anything with a disability is demonic possesed in the bible.

It is all my fault, i'm struggling to cope with nasty disability and i can expect worse in the years to come.
What bible are you referring to? Certainly isn't a Christian bible or the Holy Scriptures, I'm confident in saying that.
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llys
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Find an autistic community on the internet. They at least know what you are talking about and may be able to suggest some ways of learning to cope. I think that people who suggest you could just "pretend to be extroverted" don't really understand what you are saying or going through...
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by German123)
I have an autistic friend and sort of know what you mean.

And believe me you don't want to have ADHD or ADD, who wants to be distracted 24/7.

You just have to make more effort with friendships and those that don't want to be your friend then, don't let that get to you because friends will come and go, this is part of life.

As you will go uni, hopefully you can start afresh and maybe find a new church that will embrace who you are and cater for your needs.

You should also go out more, it could be with family, it does not have to be friends.
Your autistic friend is your friend hence he/she doesn't have a social communcation problem. What characterisitics does your autistic friend have?

ADHD would have not made me an introvert and i could have a better life
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by llys)
Find an autistic community on the internet. They at least know what you are talking about and may be able to suggest some ways of learning to cope. I think that people who suggest you could just "pretend to be extroverted" don't really understand what you are saying or going through...
what do you know about autism?
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llys
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(Original post by Anonymous)
what do you know about autism?
Why do you ask?
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Imperion)
Sigh, please show me where that is written. I don't think it is
Revelation 16:14 - For they are the spirits of devils, working miracles, [which] go forth unto the kings of the earth and of the whole world.

This is the focus of issues that are faced in life. Things which are not normal are seen as spirits of the devil.
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