The Student Room Group
Reply 1
Depends what kinda feels you are on about, like love feelings? I think you have to get to know someone do develop feelings for them. If you like each other then you should get to know each other more and see if you are compatible as a couple and see where it leads.
Reply 2
I don't really see what the point would be :confused: I'd understand if it was dating, but not a relationship.
Reply 3
Anonymous
Someone once said that 'you should go out/date friends if there is some attraction involved even if you don't have feelings for them and that your feelings develop afterwards in a relationship. I am now questioning myself on this, is it ok to go out with someone that you don't have feelings for? What are your views?



If you have someone specific in mind then why don't you go out on dates for a while and have a good time, and then over this time you can decide how much you like them. If your feelings grow for this person then you can pursue a relationship.

Yes it is ok to date someone you find attractive but don't feel much for.

No it is not ok to have a more serious relationship with someone you don't feel anything for.

A lot of people start dating someone they find attractive as feelings can develop over time. A lot of people also start dating someone they have feelings for. I think both are ok.
Reply 4
I think it really depends on the situation.

If you've been friends with someone for a while i dont see why you'd date them unless you knew you had feelings for them since you'd know them well from being mates.

But if you've just met someone that you *think* you might like you should meet up, go on dates and see if anything more develops...
NO.
This is called leading somebody on.
Don't listen to the idiot who told you that, ok?
Reply 6
Anonymous
NO.
This is called leading somebody on.
Don't listen to the idiot who told you that, ok?



Going on a date with someone without having strong feelings for them is leading them on? What if the other person didn't have feelings for you either, but you both found each other very attractive? Would you not date them until you started having feelings?

I think there may be a misunderstanding of the terms we are using here. By 'date' I mean going out somewhere and having a good time, like cinema, meal etc. Relationship is when you are each other's bf/gf. In the former, I feel it unnecessary to have feelings for a person. In the latter, there should be feelings. However dating shouldn't continue if you know that you just find the other person attractive, and that's all. THAT is leading someone one.
Damn hell I've been wasting my time. Oh my God I'm a prat!! And I'm being totally serious here. I actually thought that when people started dating they actually had feelings for them. I mean, beyond just thinking s/he's fit and I had a laugh when I spoke to them.
I mean I thought everyone had that very uncomfortable yet good feeling when they were around that someone they liked and that they only asked people out who they knew they liked. Funny that it never occured to me when people talked about pulling. I just thought they felt that uncomfortable yet nice feeling straight away.
What a prat I've been. :banghead:
Maybe I'm mistaken, but surely if you find someone attractive then you also have feelings for them?!
Feelings = attraction, no?
I'm talking a purely physical attraction. I don't think that means you have to have feelings beyond that for them.
Not that being purely physically attracted to someone would make me go up to them and try to chat them up. I still don't have the confiense for that. The only person I ever attempted to ask out, I had "feelings" for them anyway. I thought they were beautiful, funny, nice, a little strange :biggrin: and, well I don't know what or how to describe why else I liked them, I just did.
You don't have to have a massive crush on someone to go out with them, no. I used to think like that.
But when I met my current boyfriend, I wasn't sure if I actually felt anything besides a deep fondness for him, as he is very nice and sweet.
I decided to go out with him anyway, and I really don't regret it, as I'm comfortable and we treat each other with respect.
If someone is nice, and you like them, then try it out even if you're not 'head over heels'! It's better than thinking you've found 'the one' and having them turn out to be horrible.
I guess if you have some feelings for them you could date them for a bit and see if your feelings grow and you like them more cos then it would have been worthwhile :biggrin:
I think it can be a difficult balance to strike. My last boyfriend was a friend of mine who I dated at first because he was a nice person and I thought that I could see the beginnings of an attraction. The problem was that we got serious much quicker than we should have (in hindsight) and when I realised that I would have been happier if we had stayed friends and so dumped him, I hurt him a lot. I don't think there's anything wrong with expecting feelings to grow, but you have to be careful about how you conduct yourself during that kind of relationship and not let it get serious until you're certain that's what you want.
Reply 14
Personally, I wouldn't date someone who I wasn't actually sure that I had real feelings for, simply on the basis that I might really hurt them if I were to lead them on and then decide against it.
Reply 15
damnthelackofnames
Personally, I wouldn't date someone who I wasn't actually sure that I had real feelings for, simply on the basis that I might really hurt them if I were to lead them on and then decide against it.
Yeah this is a problem and why i wouldnt date someone that i thought might like me more than i like him from the start...
Reply 16
I think the term 'feelings' here is a bit confusing. I've been on dates with people I find attractive & connect with & think that as I got to know them better a relationship might come out of it (not that it usually does). I wouldn't go out with someone unless I had proper feelings for them, especially if they were a friend cos then you might end up damaging the friendship