The Student Room Group

New relationship confusion

hey

basically i started going out with this guy i met in a club on tuesday, on friday. he's at my uni doing a different course, and we have different friends and blah blah. i'm just worried about this whole relationship, i'm not sure it's going smoothly or if i'm just worrying too much.

1. i've seen him friday, sunday and tonite. but sunday and tonite was only for bout 3/4 hours at a time. when i was with my ex (18 month relationship), we were not self controlled enuf, so we always spent every nght together. i can't compare the beginning because it was halls and we had the same friendship grops and were always together basically. i'm just wondering in a new relationship, is this normal? is it a normal amount of time to be spending together? (also he's never had a relationship longer than a couple months)

2. sometimoes we get on really well, sometimoes we don't (i don't mean fight, but just indifferent). i mean i only met him this time last week, but i spose i'm comparing it to my previous relationship where everything was so comfortable...how long before u know it's not gonna be like that?

3. also i'm wondering, since friday, everything has been pg13...but i spose that's something i shoul ask him abot...any1 hazard a guess why?

4. when i mentioned that i heard thru the grapevine that ppl were starting to hear that we were going out, he, i dunno, seemed kinda uncomfortable hearing about it, and said some of his mates were teasing him...is just normal boy behaviour?

5. argh...i asked him why his previos relationships never asted and he said it was cos he got bored and then changed the subject, and was kinda uncomfortalbe bout it. i'm scared he'l get bored of me...how do u know if he is getting bored?

argh...i bet i sound so lame...it's really weird starting a new relationship again, i feel ike a silly teenager! (i'm 20 :redface: and so's he). and i'm only let out my worries this bad on the internet...lucky u guys!

pls give me any advice, even to just say i'm being stupid...
and thanx for reading if u got this far!

xxxx
Reply 1
To be honest I can't help you with the sexual side of things, but you've got to show him that a very important part of a relationship is communication, and that you are going to be very insecure about the relationship unless he tells you what is going through his head.

But if he is honest with you, and he does say something like "i'm not sure it's going to work out", don't immediately lose all hope. If anything you have gained something, by showing you understand him you gain his trust and then it allows you to be more open to him about your fears.

Other people will no doubt disagree but I feel you need to communicate your worries with him, not us.
Reply 2
1 - It doesnt seem like very much time to me either :s-smilie: My boyfriend lives at the same halls as me so will pop round for an hour randomly if hes free (i have very little contact time at uni due to my course) but that is far from the only time i spend with him.

2. I'm confused, are you in a relationship with him or not? You officially together or just dating? Anyway if you're still dating then dont worry you've still got time to get to know each other before commiting to a relationship, if you're already a couple then maybe you rushed into things instead of letting them develop naturally. You only met him a week ago right?

3. How PG13? I dont know quite how PG this means? Only holding hands or everything but sex?

4. Seems a bit odd to me :s-smilie: He's 20 not 12 he doesnt need the okay from his mates as to who he dates!

5. You dont so dont worry about it and enjoy the time you spend together.
Reply 3
hey thanx for ure replies

xantm...i just feel like i don't know him well enuf to be able to say these thingos. i don't know exactly how far to push before it scares him away...by push, i mean to talk abot our relationship, because it's still really new.

lora, we are boyfriend and girlfriend. i asked him out, i think i asked him too soon, it was on the friday of our first date, and i thoghot it went really wel. i spose also i really wanted to be in a relationship, cos i kinda missed the intimacy of my old one (bad reason i know, but it wasn't the only one reason, i really like him!)...but i think is that also why he's reluctant to tell his friends, in case it doesn't last cos we're still getting to know each other?

pg 13 i mean just kissing. i feel like i'm 15 years old! but on tues and fri, it went further than that, and he's slept with more than 1 person before...maybe he just wants to take it slow?

argh...i dunno..i think being dumped for being boring scares me the worst...in texts he says he's really happy and really likes me, but the actions don't seem to follow...

any other thoughts?

xxxx
Reply 4
Maybe you did rush into things :redface: I dont really think thats a bad reason though (missing intimacy), but thats just my opinion people will probably disagree with me!!

I doubt you'll be dumped for being boring if he says how happy he is :smile:
Reply 5
fairycakes
hey thanx for ure replies

xantm...i just feel like i don't know him well enuf to be able to say these thingos. i don't know exactly how far to push before it scares him away...by push, i mean to talk abot our relationship, because it's still really new.

lora, we are boyfriend and girlfriend. i asked him out, i think i asked him too soon, it was on the friday of our first date, and i thoghot it went really wel. i spose also i really wanted to be in a relationship, cos i kinda missed the intimacy of my old one (bad reason i know, but it wasn't the only one reason, i really like him!)...but i think is that also why he's reluctant to tell his friends, in case it doesn't last cos we're still getting to know each other?

pg 13 i mean just kissing. i feel like i'm 15 years old! but on tues and fri, it went further than that, and he's slept with more than 1 person before...maybe he just wants to take it slow?

argh...i dunno..i think being dumped for being boring scares me the worst...in texts he says he's really happy and really likes me, but the actions don't seem to follow...

any other thoughts?

xxxx


Yeah that is a bad reason sorry :redface: Are you sure you're over your ex? (dont feel you have to answer that, maybe its just something to think about..)

He obviously said yes if you're together so it might not have been too soon for you guys. It would have been too soon for me though, i was 'seeing' my boyfriend for 6 or so weeks before we were officially an item (i didnt want to 'break-up' before we'd started as he was a friend from my close flat mates course so we share similar friends and it would have made things really awkward!) I'd rather be 110% sure and wait than 90% sure and dive in. :redface: People started calling us a couple from when we met though lol cause we saw each other everyday!

I'm not sure about the intimacy thing as things were pretty steady for me all along. It might just be because he didnt come round for long or something though??
omg nearly exactly the same situation... cept ive been with mine for nearly 2 months, things are starting to improve now i.e. saying nice things more etc.. but he has only been with people for a couple of months at the most and said the same reason as yours, that it ended because he got bored! doesnt exactly make you feel very secure does it lol... and i was with my ex for a year, and it does feel so weird being with someone new!.. but anyway, maybe you should just say to him that maybe you've rushed things and should just take a step back to seeing eachother and see what he says :smile:
Reply 7
lora, i think i am over him, i mean i dunno what would happen if i saw him with his gf with my own eyes, but i know it's not meant to be, and i want to be with some else now! i think being with some1 else has definately helped me too.

also it is rag week this week, so he's bin super busy, i guess i'l just wait til then to see if things change. next timoe i'll see him wil be sat i think...so basically, it seems that no1 else's relationships begin as slowly as this?

anon...yeah him saying he was bored really scares me, cos then i dunno what exactly he's looking for. i'm not sure i wanna say that to him, in case he says yes! but i will think about it...! he doesn't not say nice things...i dunno, i am kinda feeling that he doesnt wanna get too involved...

xxxx
Reply 8
Just my opinion but the fact he said he was bored, etc. It makes me assume he's lying.
Reply 9
about how his previous relationships ended?
Reply 10
fairycakes
about how his previous relationships ended?


Yes. I could be totally wrong, but there is always the chance he's lying.
Reply 11
yeah no, i agree with you. i think there's more to it, but i can't really ask. i was like is this uncomfortable, should i change the subject, and he was ik yeah...i wonder what happened...?

but still it scares me being dumped for being boring...! i don't him to tell his next gf that's why it ended!
Reply 12
?????
Reply 13
fairycakes
?????


I see no question. Is there something you would like me to directly comment on?

I think if you're going to go ahead with this guy, take it very slowly or you could get hurt.
Reply 14
no, sorry, some1 wrote a post, swearikng, but it's been deleted now!

i am fine with slow...kinda...

do u think maybe he has commitment issues, and could just be kinda immauture?

any1 have any mre advice, woul u be muchly appreciated!

xxxx
to be honest I think you're just rushing him! Everyone likes things at different paces and if you want it to work you might have to take a step back.
I think you guys only just met so thats why he is reluctant to talk baout his past relationships, he doesn't want to drag it all up till he gets to know you better which suggests that he does like you.
well when i first start going out with someone we tend to be inseparable for a few weeks at least but if he's been really busy this week then that could explain it
It's now considered 'weird' for a guy not to want to sleep with someone he's been dating less than a week? What's the world coming to? Maybe he wants to take it slowly at the beginning because he's been hurt before or is concerned it's a rebound relationship and doesn't want to rush things?
Reply 18
IzzyWizzy
It's now considered 'weird' for a guy not to want to sleep with someone he's been dating less than a week? What's the world coming to? Maybe he wants to take it slowly at the beginning because he's been hurt before or is concerned it's a rebound relationship and doesn't want to rush things?


No of course not! But if theres been more than kissing during the first couple of times they met and suddenly all they do is kissing would seem a bit odd, right?

I sure didnt sleep with my boyfriend after we'd been together a week!!!

Fairycakes: I dont think hes neccessarily immature, he might just really like you and want to take things slowly so he doesnt lose you. He probably knows that your last relationship was a fairly serious one so is acting accordingly?

Everyones different but if you're only seeing him for 45mins at a time a couple of times a week in 2/3 weeks time and everythings still just at the kissing stage then i would think this a little odd and maybe its not meant to be??
Reply 19
yeah, no definately i'll know by then it's not meant to be, if it's stil like this in 2/3 weeks!

it's just weird to call him my 'bf' when i don't really seem to know him! i just feel kinda childish, frustrated and worried and awkward. i'm thinking maybe it was a bad idea to have asked him out, but the first date was going so well! :frown:

i'm getting kinda frustrated about not knowing him, but dunno if i should talk to him abot it, or just step back from the situation, and 'let things happen', but surely that's not how a relationship when ure 20 should be like?

xxxx