The Student Room Group

Why do I focus on the bad stuff?!

So I recently came back from a weekend in a european city with my bf of 4 months. We had an ace time, there for 4 days and we had a fairly minor argument on the final night. Now I keep thinking back to this argument and how stupid it was, and feel it's overshadowing the rest of the holiday. But I'm like this a lot, worrying that every tiny argument (even though we hardly ever have them) will lead to him hating me or us breaking up. Any advice on how I can learn to chill out more? Would really appreciate any comments...
Reply 1
Not much useful advice, but I get this too - 9 times out of 10, if I have a single tiny thing go wrong but a brilliant night otherwise, I'll always be focusing on the bad and wishing it hadn't happened. The only thing I can suggest is talking to people about what a great time you had (this is also good if you have a fantastic night and are just feeling bleugh and depressed the day after because it's over) or writing down everything, good and bad. I haven't done it for a while, but I had a load of files in Notepad a while back where I just wrote a single diary-entry-type thing if I felt I needed to - doing this helps me get things out and feels much better.

Hope that helps :smile:
Reply 2
Listen to Jack Johnson - Better Together.

Can't feel angry/irritated after that.:smile:

(or just listen to your favourite relaxing music/ find something to do to keep it off you mind)
I agree with firebird get a notebook and write down the good parts of the holiday. Seeing it written down should make you feel better.
Reply 4
Cez
So I recently came back from a weekend in a european city with my bf of 4 months. We had an ace time, there for 4 days and we had a fairly minor argument on the final night. Now I keep thinking back to this argument and how stupid it was, and feel it's overshadowing the rest of the holiday. But I'm like this a lot, worrying that every tiny argument (even though we hardly ever have them) will lead to him hating me or us breaking up. Any advice on how I can learn to chill out more? Would really appreciate any comments...


hmm.
over thinking and nerves are both things that are quite small, and if you think about it, they are quite controllable, but they can cause so much unnecessary hassle.

i'd say focus on the better things of your relationship (or whatever in general), sounds obvious but yeah, its the least you can do. i think when you do make a list of all the special times you've had and all the special places you've been, and all those precious moments, be them simple, but still, they'll completely over-ride any tiny argument.

i've given up thinking too deep into things, especially bad deep, just because the longer you think about them, the more time you'll waste, and you'll never get that time back.

its good to think, but not think too much, and often when you focus on bad things its because you think far too into it.

may sound extreme, but would 'time apart' make you miss him? absence makes the heart grow fonder?