Really envious

I'm not going to be ashamed and post annonymously

I don't know what it is about me - All through life I have been attempting a number of skills and been trying to develop them fully. They say it is good to have ambition, but this ambition is taking over me. I cannot settle down with one ability, I think to myself EVERYTIME I walk home or anywhere these incredibly grandiose ideas of beautiful music, beautiful artwork and any other creative idea that's thrown into my brain. I guess im furious because I have attempted to master Photoshop(digital art), 3D Studio Max 8(3d graphics), music(I have my own electronica project), Macromedia Flash, Photography, creative writing and film.

I know it's not a bad thing to be creative minded, but I can no longer enjoy pursueing an interest for its sake or picking up a comic book and reading it without meticulously analysing every artists detail and computing it in my head (taking out the fun of simply enjoying a 'comic' or watching a film)

Maybe im narcissistic (I wouldn't be surprised seeing as I'm high-functioning autistic) I just can't settle for average.

Of course, you cannot be good at everything, you cannot train at everything, I am only human like everyone else. It makes me feel so bitter that In my mind I am able to construct cities to explicit details and don't have the knowledge to manifest. I don't want to brag, I can maybe compose a song in 4-5 hours and do so with very limited knowledge of the processes involved.

My mind simply won't shut down, it leaps ahead of my ability of output and I lend myself to procrastination after frustration with attempting to achieve perfectionism.

I'm tempted to just simply give up ever mastering a skill on the account it will actually consume me and I will have dozens and dozens of unfinished works. And I want to do Psychology next year, now I want to art on the side, but I know by starting Uni I'm going to be absorbed in coursework and a social life it will be hard to just 'settle down'

And when I want to relax, I feel guilty, It's been ages since I've ever played a computer game or finished reading a book (I read a few chapters and thats it because I don't have the TIME).

It's not that im talentless, I am pretty good at the interests I pursue, but I cannot settle for 'good'. I find people who do works which are merely 'good' repetitively are wasting their time when they can become 'great'.

Yeah, rant over, I need an off-switch on the brain.

Reply 1

Crimson Black

Concentrate on something you're really good at and develope that potential to the full perhaps? I realise you're in need of a rant more than anything, so I'll just shut up now. :rolleyes: