Would you consider dating a girl with genital herpes? Watch

Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 4 years ago
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So last year I was sexually assaulted and had to have a full STI check, everything came back clear. Three months later, I met this wonderful guy, I've never been in a relationship with someone so respectful and caring and lovely. A month into the relationship we had sex and then a few days later we had it again. Both times were unprotected as he told me he had only ever had a 10 minute drunken one night stand and had been checked afterwards. I know it was stupid, but I did really trust him and he was so innocent and sweet.

The day after I had terrible pain and got diagnosed with genital herpes. The wonderful guy told me he had actually been too ashamed to be checked and begged me not to leave him. I had pain every time we slept together, which would be once, twice a fortnight at best because othertimes were too painful. I've had so many "outbreaks" due to stress and a low immune system. I've been told that it will be hard for me to carry a child and the risks that would come with it, I'd have to have a c-section.

After losing my job due to calling in sick too much due to sometimes being unable to walk from the herpes, I fell into depression.

I'm 20 years old and I have this disease from someone who I'm so madly in love with. The only thing getting me through it was him saying he'd never leave me, telling me how much he loved me, understanding. But on our 8 month anniversary he ended it due to the depression. I feel like he's ruined my life.

Other guys have said they wanted to "f" me, I've told them about the herpes and been told "you're so hot, I wouldn't care" but I don't feel like sleeping with anyone, ever, and I don't feel anywhere near attractive anymore.

I've always been open with telling people I have it and any potential mates, I'd always tell well in advance.

But I just couldn't see someone willing to risk catching it. Condoms are only 50% safe against it. I couldn't give this to anyone.

Am I ever going to get a good relationship again?
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bailfire
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#2
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Maybe, I don't know much about that..is it not curable or something?

K its not, personally I wouldn't date someone who does. But there are loads who wouldn't mind. A relationship isn't just about sex anyway you know.
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Mutmit287
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(Original post by Anonymous)
So last year I was sexually assaulted and had to have a full STI check, everything came back clear. Three months later, I met this wonderful guy, I've never been in a relationship with someone so respectful and caring and lovely. A month into the relationship we had sex and then a few days later we had it again. Both times were unprotected as he told me he had only ever had a 10 minute drunken one night stand and had been checked afterwards. I know it was stupid, but I did really trust him and he was so innocent and sweet.

The day after I had terrible pain and got diagnosed with genital herpes. The wonderful guy told me he had actually been too ashamed to be checked and begged me not to leave him. I had pain every time we slept together, which would be once, twice a fortnight at best because othertimes were too painful. I've had so many "outbreaks" due to stress and a low immune system. I've been told that it will be hard for me to carry a child and the risks that would come with it, I'd have to have a c-section.

After losing my job due to calling in sick too much due to sometimes being unable to walk from the herpes, I fell into depression.

I'm 20 years old and I have this disease from someone who I'm so madly in love with. The only thing getting me through it was him saying he'd never leave me, telling me how much he loved me, understanding. But on our 8 month anniversary he ended it due to the depression. I feel like he's ruined my life.

Other guys have said they wanted to "f" me, I've told them about the herpes and been told "you're so hot, I wouldn't care" but I don't feel like sleeping with anyone, ever, and I don't feel anywhere near attractive anymore.

I've always been open with telling people I have it and any potential mates, I'd always tell well in advance.

But I just couldn't see someone willing to risk catching it. Condoms are only 50% safe against it. I couldn't give this to anyone.

Am I ever going to get a good relationship again?
I am so sorry to hear about your situation, and there is one really important lesson to learn from this guys mistake! You should always be honest with your future sexual partners about the herpes and this will avoid anyone else falling victim unknowingly!

Genital herpes is actually very very common and most people have it without even noticing, which sadly is not the case for you. if you are willing to educate your future partners about how common it if you may find that when they get checked they may even have it!

you do have a chance at getting another great partner who understands!
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Poetic_Justice
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Wait. Condoms only protect you 50% of the time??


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BaffledPenguin
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(Original post by Poetic_Justice)
Wait. Condoms only protect you 50% of the time??


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I thought that condoms were pretty much ineffective against genital herpes as it can be spread through skin to skin contact without even having intercourse. I'm not 100% sure though!
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Gogregg
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Herpes is not as big a deal as everyone makes of it. It is not a life threatening condition and the only time it really affects you is during an outbreak, many people don't even get them, and of they do it is often only once or twice a year.

You're in an unfortunate position, yes, but just try to reduce the stress in your life. Get help for the depression, do some research about herpes and you should start to gain more confidence and feel less stressed about it, provoking less outbreaks. Just remember that herpes is not as big a deal as people make, if people do make a big deal, educate them so they won't, if you do these, it shouldn't really affect your life other than the occasional outbreak, where you should make sure to stop sexual contact until a couple of days after it had gone down.
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Musie Suzie
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OP, I'm very sorry to hear what you've been through. It may not be much consolation, but it could have been the sexual assault which infected you, rather than your ex, as herpes can often lie dormant in the system for a while after infection before you experience symptoms. It doesn't matter with herpes that your ex wasn't checked - it is not routinely tested for in an STI test as it is difficult to detect, and many people already carry it (having caught it non-sexually) anyway.

Did your ex have signs of herpes himself? The short time between sleeping with him and developing symptoms may be more than coincidental if so. And trouble is even if he's never shown symptoms he could have been carrying it and given it to you, even though it's unlikely to pass the virus on without present symptoms.

Sorry, hope this is making sense!

Have you been given antivirals? The first and early outbreaks of herpes are always the worst - over time they become less frequent and less severe as your body develops antibodies.

I think that anyone who truly wants to be with you will be able to overlook it. You'll just have to be careful not to sleep together when you have symptoms, and the rest of the time it's unlikely to be transmitted. Even if it is, many people carry herpes and never suffer symptoms, meaning your partner could catch it and never know, or may indeed already have it and be effectively immune.

If a guy is fully aware that you have herpes and still wants to sleep with you, it's his decision. You don't have to make it for him, even though I understand you're trying to look out for his health and don't want him to suffer what you have. But he's an adult capable of assessing risks/rewards and making his own decisions.

All the best!

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Smug Life
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definitely not
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TheTruthTeller
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Personally I wouldn't.
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Juichiro
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(Original post by Anonymous)
So last year I was sexually assaulted and had to have a full STI check, everything came back clear. Three months later, I met this wonderful guy, I've never been in a relationship with someone so respectful and caring and lovely. A month into the relationship we had sex and then a few days later we had it again. Both times were unprotected as he told me he had only ever had a 10 minute drunken one night stand and had been checked afterwards. I know it was stupid, but I did really trust him and he was so innocent and sweet.

The day after I had terrible pain and got diagnosed with genital herpes. The wonderful guy told me he had actually been too ashamed to be checked and begged me not to leave him. I had pain every time we slept together, which would be once, twice a fortnight at best because othertimes were too painful. I've had so many "outbreaks" due to stress and a low immune system. I've been told that it will be hard for me to carry a child and the risks that would come with it, I'd have to have a c-section.

After losing my job due to calling in sick too much due to sometimes being unable to walk from the herpes, I fell into depression.

I'm 20 years old and I have this disease from someone who I'm so madly in love with. The only thing getting me through it was him saying he'd never leave me, telling me how much he loved me, understanding. But on our 8 month anniversary he ended it due to the depression. I feel like he's ruined my life.

Other guys have said they wanted to "f" me, I've told them about the herpes and been told "you're so hot, I wouldn't care" but I don't feel like sleeping with anyone, ever, and 4 - I don't feel anywhere near attractive anymore.

I've always been open with telling people I have it and any potential mates, I'd always tell well in advance.

But I just couldn't see someone willing to risk catching it. Condoms are only 50% safe against it. I couldn't give this to anyone.

5 - Am I ever going to get a good relationship again?
1 - I guess you learned it the hard way. Never ever have unprotected sex with anyone.

2 - This guy was not innocent but a liar.

3 - "him saying he'd never leave me" Never believe it unless you have celebrated your 30-year anniversary with him. Early stage relationships are fragile like an egg shell.

4 - Your attractiveness is/should not based on your capacity to be penetrable. But I understand that sex ranks high for most people when evaluating someone a a partner.

5 - Well, you now have a good filter. Those who are sex-driven will ignore you, those who like other things of you will not. Pretty sure you are not the only girl with STI in the UK.
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keturah
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If I loved the person then yes I would. Sorry to hear about your situation, I'm sure you will find a guy who will date you.
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High Stakes
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Hell no.
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Zechs
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That guy sounds like an idiot but you were foolish sleeping with him with no protection. I cannot understand why in this modern world in a developed nation people take such risks.

Anyway not here to bash you, I really want to say I would if it was with the right lady but in truth I probably wouldn't go through with it. I do value my health. This does not mean I could not be friends with such a woman though. Hopefully one day your condition will improve.
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STIgma88
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I met a lovely girl, she just turned out to be the type that keeps herpes a secret. i could never do that to a nice girl. its such a stigmatised and frankly horrible thing to have. but hopefully we find someone attractive and in the same boat! xox
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M14B
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(Original post by Poetic_Justice)
Wait. Condoms only protect you 50% of the time??


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I use two!
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Zarek
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What people don't seem to realise is the infection rate is remarkably high in the population. It's not that big a deal really. Surprised by the point about pregnancy. Make sure you get some good medical advice about the herpes and your depression.
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ripjonsnow
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lol at all of the people who say "Its good to have loads of sex" and "lots of sexual partners" etc...
just lol at them.

Your Situation is different OP, and Id consider getting medical treatment for it, I thought herpes was curable?
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DanteTheDoorKnob
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(Original post by Zarek)
What people don't seem to realise is the infection rate is remarkably high in the population. It's not that big a deal really. Surprised by the point about pregnancy. Make sure you get some good medical advice about the herpes and your depression.
Err
Herpes might be, but I think genital herpes really does balls you up
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Zarek
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I have personal experience as my gf had it, despite being very conservative in her sexual habits. The first outbreak I gather is typically awful but after that usually not. She has only had one very minor outbreak since. I have never contracted it. From what I gather even the genital variety is rife with many people carriers with their immune system on top of it. For me the main issue was her upfront honestly, getting my head around it and concluding it was no big deal. Since then there has been no issue.The word is worse than the reality.
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username1551801
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Really don't care, it isn't exactly a big deal.
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