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toddler, in-laws, and smoke

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Okay so basically I have a 16 month old daughter (Lydia). I'm completely against anybody smoking around her (I don't want my child to get lung-cancer from passive smoking!).

Now, all of my hubby's relatives smoke. His mother, his sisters, their husbands, his brother, even his nephews (the ones that aren't really little that is).

They ALL know not to smoke around Lydia though, and for the most part they are very good about this. If we are visiting, they will go outside to smoke, and never in the same room as Lydia.

The thing is that sometimes, if we want to go to the cinema, we leave Lydia with hubby's sister Michelle for a couple of hours. She likes it there, they are nice to her and she enjoys playing with her cousins.

Now, at first, this was fine, but the past 2 times I've noticed that when we've gone to pick her up, Lydia has STANK of smoke. Really badly. All her clothes, her hair, everything.
I've mentioned this to Phil (hubby) and he says "oh well they must have just had the smell lingering on their clothes and it transferred when they gave her a cuddle".
Personally I think this is a load of bull because she never used to come home stinking of smoke before, so why now?

I'm totally convinced that they have become lapse and have stopped going outside to smoke.
I've told Phil that if this is the case then I don't want her going there anymore, but he thinks I'm being ridiculous.

I've asked him to at least ask his sister if they are smoking around Lydia, but he refuses to because he thinks she'll be pissed off at him.
I've said that I will ask her myself in that case but he gets really mad at me and says I'm just trying to cause trouble.

ARGH - so frustrating. My daughter's health comes first, but he's being so unreasonable!

I guess this is more a rant than anything else, but if anybody has any advice please feel free to throw it at me. I'd be very grateful.

Reply 1

noodles!

14

All I can say is that I completely agree with you. Nobody should smoke around children. Infact as far as I'm concerned, noone should smoke at all.

Reply 2

PinkMobilePhone

OP

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22

I totally agree I don't think anybody should smoke at all either.
However I can't make them stop smoking - what they do in their own time, although totally stupid, is their own business I guess. What pisses me off is that my child is being affected by it! (or is that Effected? I never know the difference)

Reply 3

noodles!

14

It's affected! An effect is a noun. Sorry. Had it drummed into me.

But yeah, I understand where you're coming from. I think you should do what is best by your daughter and don't send her places if you think necessary. Especially seeing as she's so young.

Reply 4

matt@internet

12

To hell with Phil, just ask your sister-in-law straight up, "have you been smoking around Lydia?" If she denies it then ask her why she comes back stinking of smoke when she never used to.

Reply 5

bubu

as a smoker i agree with you on that she(or anyone else) shouldnt smoke around your child not just because of lung cancer but because asthma

My nieces are 11 and 9 and i will NEVER smoke in the same room as them if were out on the street they walk ahead of me (but its very rare i smoke out side)
my ex sister inlaw brought this up the other day her mom and brothers smoke in same room as my nieces my oldest niece has asthma(not because of smoking related) and Rachael was shocked that her own mother cant do this yet her ex partners mom does it all the time

if i was you i would ask asking aint going to cause trouble :s-smilie:

you have your rights

oh and ive never passed on smoking smell but then again i dont have that smell(my bf agrees with me on this his a non smoker)

Reply 6

puppy

If they want to smoke in their own house then they can, they're doing you a favour by looking after your daughter so I'd say that if you don't want them smoking around her then just don't leave her at their house.

If you want to know if they're smoking around her, just ask. They know where you stand on it so it's not unreasonable.

Reply 7

bubu

puppy

If they want to smoke in their own house then they can, they're doing you a favour by looking after your daughter so I'd say that if you don't want them smoking around her then just don't leave her at their house.

I disagree Yes its there house but the child(forgive me forgot her name ) is still young, theres other rooms they can go and have a cig that the child dont go in(in my house its my room)

Reply 8

noodles!

14

bubu

I disagree Yes its there house but the child(forgive me forgot her name ) is still young, theres other rooms they can go and have a cig that the child dont go in(in my house its my room)

Indeed. Or they could always go outside. My parents do, and my friend's boyfriend does, to name just 2. They do this purely to avoid their childrens' contact with their smoke. And so it should be.

Reply 9

PinkMobilePhone

OP

Chat Forum Helper, Life & Style Forum Helper

22

puppy

If they want to smoke in their own house then they can, they're doing you a favour by looking after your daughter so I'd say that if you don't want them smoking around her then just don't leave her at their house.

Well yeh but if I thought they were going to be smoking around her, I wouldn't have asked them to babysit in the first place.

If they had said to me in the beginning "we don't mind babysitting but we are not willing to smoke elsewhere", then I would have said "well thanks but never mind I'll find somebody else".

I think the rest of you are right, I'll ask her anyway. Thanks.

Reply 10

matt@internet

12

Yeah, when I was younger my then best mates parents used to smoke outside so their children didn't breathe it in. And I think they told them that it was a bad habit and that they shouldn't do it themselves.
I actually remember my dad once saying to me "I'm alright with you smoking but if you ever do drugs I'll kill you." :biggrin:

. He wasn't a smoker and didn't like it, not that it kept him outta the pub :biggrin:

. Same thing with me actually. I don't like smoking but it ain't gonna keep me outta the pub.
Sorry off topic.

Reply 11

Sunofnight

3

XenaGlamRocker

Okay so basically I have a 16 month old daughter (Lydia). I'm completely against anybody smoking around her (I don't want my child to get lung-cancer from passive smoking!).

Now, all of my hubby's relatives smoke. His mother, his sisters, their husbands, his brother, even his nephews (the ones that aren't really little that is).

They ALL know not to smoke around Lydia though, and for the most part they are very good about this. If we are visiting, they will go outside to smoke, and never in the same room as Lydia.

The thing is that sometimes, if we want to go to the cinema, we leave Lydia with hubby's sister Michelle for a couple of hours. She likes it there, they are nice to her and she enjoys playing with her cousins.

Now, at first, this was fine, but the past 2 times I've noticed that when we've gone to pick her up, Lydia has STANK of smoke. Really badly. All her clothes, her hair, everything.
I've mentioned this to Phil (hubby) and he says "oh well they must have just had the smell lingering on their clothes and it transferred when they gave her a cuddle".
Personally I think this is a load of bull because she never used to come home stinking of smoke before, so why now?

I'm totally convinced that they have become lapse and have stopped going outside to smoke.
I've told Phil that if this is the case then I don't want her going there anymore, but he thinks I'm being ridiculous.

I've asked him to at least ask his sister if they are smoking around Lydia, but he refuses to because he thinks she'll be pissed off at him.
I've said that I will ask her myself in that case but he gets really mad at me and says I'm just trying to cause trouble.

ARGH - so frustrating. My daughter's health comes first, but he's being so unreasonable!

I guess this is more a rant than anything else, but if anybody has any advice please feel free to throw it at me. I'd be very grateful.

Children will be exposed to smoke anyway in different places whether you like it or not, does she have asthma or something? You could try telling people that she is allergic to smoke, if you feel like lying.

Reply 12

saturn

Most children are exposed to smoke whether there parents smoke or not, what makes your kid so special, my parents smoked every now and again and im fine.

Reply 13

Sarky

18

saturn

Most children are exposed to smoke whether there parents smoke or not, what makes your kid so special, my parents smoked every now and again and im fine.

Are you really putting that fowards as valid argument as to why she shouldn't be concerned about cigarette smoke?

Are you really fine? :confused:

Reply 14

saturn

Sarky

Are you really putting that fowards as valid argument as to why she shouldn't be concerned about cigarette smoke?

Are you really fine? :confused:

Valid argument, were not in court lol. Well I feel fine, don't have any illnesses so how can I be different from anyone else? Its hard to keep children away from smoke. Really there is nothing much she can do apart from successfully get through to the relatives or keep her daughter away.

Reply 15

BlackHawk

17

Rather than leaving her there when you're not there, pay a babysitter for a couple of hours. She can still visit her relatives, but when you can ensure she's being taken care of the way you wish her to be.

Reply 16

steve2005

17

BlackHawk

Rather than leaving her there when you're not there, pay a babysitter for a couple of hours. She can still visit her relatives, but when you can ensure she's being taken care of the way you wish her to be.