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Was it rape or not?

To summarize what happened, I let a friend stay over one night as he was locked out of his house after coming back from a party. I had a spare room for him to stay in.

When he got here I showed him the room and went to my own room to go to bed because it was late.
He came into my room and then started touching me and wanted sex.

I moved away from him and told him no I didn't want to but he carried on. He got on top of me and continued. I told him no a few more times but he ignored me and carried on.
I didn't physically stop him, but I did tell him no a few more times.

When he was done he went to bed. I couldn't sleep and I haven't talked to him since.
I haven't told anyone because I don't want to accuse him of rape if it wasn't and I feel guilty about it and want it off of my chest.

I haven't told my partner, who is good friends with the guy. (This happened before while we were on a break). But I want to tell him to get it out of my system and have someone to talk to.

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Reply 1

Pathway

If you didn't want to have sex and he did it anyway, then yes it was rape.

Reply 2

TunaTunnel

Yes that's textbook rape. You didn't consent.

Reply 3

InadequateJusticex

If he penetrated you, yes it was rape. If he only inappropriately touched you, its still sexual assault but not rape I think. Either way you need to tell someone, if he's done it before he's bound to do it again.

Yes

Report what he did to your partner and the police.

Reply 6

Michael_98

Yes tell the police now

Posted from TSR Mobile

Reply 7

strat93

Original post by Anonymous

You said no op and he continued so you were raped.

You need to tell someone about this and not keep it to yourself.

You say this happened before?

Reply 8

Anonymous #3

You need to tell someone, more than likely your partner.

I think you should also tell the police, but it does make the situation extremely hard. If it was a while ago you may not have any valid evidence which could be used against him which could make your journey a long and painful one.

Reply 9

Danno190

Saying "No" as you did means it was rape. Even if it had been different and you'd originally said yes but changed your mind part way through, it was rape.

Even if you didn't fight back (whether you felt unable to because of not being in a position too, or feared for your safety if you decided to struggle...) whatever the reason, it was rape.

If you feel up to reporting him, the sooner the better, however if you don't it IS up to you.

www.rapecrisis.org.uk

Reply 10

Mimsycrafts

It certainly is rape. No means no. There should be no need for you to physically restrain him umless be is deaf and couldn't hear you clearly saying no. You need to spak with your parents and the police

Reply 11

hopeforthebest1

Well, going strictly by definition then, yes, it was a rape...but....there is a lot of gray area here. I think if someone entered your room and started touching you and wanting sex and you were genuinely against it you would put up a physical fight as well and make it very clear to him that you were not going to have sex w/ him. You said yourself that you didn't physically fight him off. But you also mentioned that it has happened before??? Did I understand that correctly?
"I haven't told my partner, who is good friends with the guy. (This happened before while we were on a break)."
Meaning....it has happened before (?)... or happened a while ago?
I know you didn't intend to come on here and have your actions bashed and I am not trying to do that but you need to recognize the role you played in this situation. Yes, the guy was wrong for entering your room w/ out permission but unless you were feeling physically threatened and felt your safety was in jeopardy then you needed to communicate very clearly w/ words and actions that you did not want to participate - especially if, in fact, it has happened before.

Reply 12

A5ko

Your 'friend' is an A-Class ****.

Reply 13

kek6969

Sounds like rape to me

Reply 14

Anonymous #4

What didn't you stop him? Did you want to have sex at the time too?

Reply 15

AverageExcellence

Where is the confusion in this? you said no and he carried on regardless, that is rape, or am i missing something?

Reply 16

TheCitizenAct

Original post by AverageExcellence

Where is the confusion in this? you said no and he carried on regardless, that is rape, or am i missing something?

There isn't any. If she invited him back to her house and he had sex with her, after she said no, then it's rape. If her portrayal of events is accurate, then it's rape.

However if she invited him back to her house with a view to having sex with him and has now manufactured a story to absolve herself of blame because, as she stated, she was on a break with her boyfriend, then it's about as bad a thing as you could do, from a guy's perspective.

The whole situation is very, very clear cut, however from my perspective, what doesn't help, is the automatic presumption that someone is guilty based on the fact that someone has made an accusation (one which, as far as I'm concerned, has holes in it - see above).

People shouldn't be declaring 'he's a rapist' or 'he isn't a rapist'; they should be declaring that based on what has been presented (which is only her side of the story), it amounts to rape, and she should go to the Police.

Reply 17

karl pilkington

Hi when you said it happened before do you mean you have slept with him previously. Also what happened regarding contraception, Also whn he actually penetrated you what di you do then. I would say yes it is definitely rape you don;t have to actually fight them for it to be.

Reply 18

AverageExcellence

Original post by TheCitizenAct

mm it is a bit odd that she didn't physically resist which would contribute towards physical evidence it wasn't consensual, but im sure there is an explanation for it

Reply 19

TheCitizenAct

Original post by AverageExcellence

mm it is a bit odd that she didn't physically resist which would contribute towards physical evidence it wasn't consensual, but im sure there is an explanation for it

It obviously doesn't matter whether she 'physically resisted' or not, if she explicitly stated 'no' and he proceeded anyway, then it's rape.

However, I agree, it would have added more weight behind her accusation.