Telling your parents that you're moving away for uni

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thecatwithnohat
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edit: I've already submitted my UCAS And my parents seemed to be more understanding when I was firm about what universities I wanted to go to. But thanks for your help everyone! I'll keep this thread up for those who are having the same issues and whatnot. :yep:

I'm not applying this year but next year (2016 entry). However, I've come across a few people who plan on telling their parents last minute (on results day) that they'll be moving from say, London, to Cardiff even though their parents aren't keen on the idea. :eek:

But I don't want to be in that position.

I actually spoke to my mother about university locations this evening, and she came up with the "we need you here" :lolwut:, "we can't do much without you" :lolwut: excuses... BUT I'm not falling for any of it, and I don't know whether I should feel bad about it. I've spent a lot of my life helping and doing things which go by unappreciated and all sorts, and I just want to do something for myself for once.

I'm considering unis like Hull, Exeter, Keele, Swansea, Cardiff etc. which are clearly outside of London.

I'm not quite sure what my question is... :innocent: Should I go ahead and apply anyway even though my parents would probably disagree (my dad is probably more accepting of me moving away)?

Inb4 "you're an adult you should make your own decisions and not need parental permission", things aren't that simple.
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Illiberal Liberal
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I definitely don't recommend keeping your parents out of the loop then surprising them on results day that you're moving away...

Your parents should be involved throughout the entire process if possible, from going to open days with them, to supporting you on results day.

Maybe explain that you want to go to a university further away from home because there are no good unis where you live? :dontknow:

Sorry this wasn't very helpful... But good luck, I hope your mum comes around eventually.
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Zer0.
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(Original post by thecatwithnohat)
I'm not applying this year but next year (2016 entry). However, I've come across a few people who plan on telling their parents last minute (on results day) that they'll be moving from say, London, to Cardiff even though their parents aren't keen on the idea. :eek:

But I don't want to be in that position.

I actually spoke to my mother about university locations this evening, and she came up with the "we need you here" :lolwut:, "we can't do much without you" :lolwut: excuses... BUT I'm not falling for any of it, and I don't know whether I should feel bad about it. I've spent a lot of my life helping and doing things which go by unappreciated and all sorts, and I just want to do something for myself for once.

I'm considering unis like Hull, Exeter, Keele, Swansea, Cardiff etc. which are clearly outside of London.

I'm not quite sure what my question is... :innocent: Should I go ahead and apply anyway even though my parents would probably disagree (my dad is probably more accepting of me moving away)?

Inb4 "you're an adult you should make your own decisions and not need parental permission", things aren't that simple.

I'm in a similar situation, insofar as my dad is almost stopping me from applying to Universities outside of London; though my mother is completely supportive and wants me to do what I want as opposed to what my dad wants. In terms of advice: Just apply to the Universities. I know you said "inb4 you're an adult you should make your own decisions" but to an extent that's quite true. You just have to make the decision. In my own, albeit limited, experience with an overbearing parent: My dad doesn't want me to apply to Cambridge/Durham/Warwick and would probably attempt to stop me moving away to the aforementioned Universities, instead he'd have me attend QMUL. Hopefully the situation sorts itself out; I know I'm hoping mine does!


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username1915455
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It is your choice whether to apply or not. If your parents can cope without, and you just don't believe what they say, then it may be better to move away. Are you parents eligible for any support from your local council/charities? (I get the impression they may have some sort of disability, sorry and please don't be offended if they do not). If so then try and find them some, or perhaps from other family members if they live locally. Also, tell you parents you can visit them, if them not seeing you is part of the issue, it may help to convince them.

Hope this helps.
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arfah
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It'd be banter telling them on results day. :giggle: I told my parents today though and they're fine with it. Moving out will surely be a great experience and a step towards becoming independent. In my opinion take the chance while you have it. Opportunities like that don't come around every day.
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lubsjk
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I'm in the exact same position as you. My parents don't want me to leave and of course, the whole 'you're an adult - you don't need your parents' permission' argument doesn't work for me because I wouldn't want to leave them on a bad note.

I've spoken to my parents about this a number of times. I guess the best thing to do is talk to them and show them that you've made up your mind and you really want to go. Just be a bit firm. Show them that you're ready and mature. Little things like cooking, washing your own clothes and whatnot make a massive difference. You can say to them 'I am independent!'

You could also compromise with them. Maybe go to a university that isn't too far from home so you can tell them you'll visit regularly?

I hope this was helpful. Good luck
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Sicaspeak
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(Original post by thecatwithnohat)
I'm not applying this year but next year (2016 entry). However, I've come across a few people who plan on telling their parents last minute (on results day) that they'll be moving from say, London, to Cardiff even though their parents aren't keen on the idea. :eek:

But I don't want to be in that position.

I actually spoke to my mother about university locations this evening, and she came up with the "we need you here" :lolwut:, "we can't do much without you" :lolwut: excuses... BUT I'm not falling for any of it, and I don't know whether I should feel bad about it. I've spent a lot of my life helping and doing things which go by unappreciated and all sorts, and I just want to do something for myself for once.

I'm considering unis like Hull, Exeter, Keele, Swansea, Cardiff etc. which are clearly outside of London.

I'm not quite sure what my question is... :innocent: Should I go ahead and apply anyway even though my parents would probably disagree (my dad is probably more accepting of me moving away)?

Inb4 "you're an adult you should make your own decisions and not need parental permission", things aren't that simple.
Ultimately, you have to think of your education and what is best for you (I probably wouldn't be saying this so definitely if you had a responsibility at home i.e. a carer role, that would negatively impact on the life of another person if you moved away but from your situation it doesn't sound like that is the case). If you stayed at home, would you be able to look back in a few years time and be happy with the education you received and the prospects and opportunities it has given you? Now think of the same thing but if you moved away. You need to do what is best for you and if that means moving, that's what you should do. I think you should apply for those uni's but you should tell your parents your decision; hopefully they'll come to terms with it. Good luck!
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thecatwithnohat
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(Original post by Zer0.)
I'm in a similar situation, insofar as my dad is almost stopping me from applying to Universities outside of London; though my mother is completely supportive and wants me to do what I want as opposed to what my dad wants. In terms of advice: Just apply to the Universities. I know you said "inb4 you're an adult you should make your own decisions" but to an extent that's quite true. You just have to make the decision. In my own, albeit limited, experience with an overbearing parent: My dad doesn't want me to apply to Cambridge/Durham/Warwick and would probably attempt to stop me moving away to the aforementioned Universities, instead he'd have me attend QMUL. Hopefully the situation sorts itself out; I know I'm hoping mine does!


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I don't know why she's so insistent that I don't leave. She said something like "I don't want you to turn out like your sister did" because my sister completely cut her out when my mum also tried stopping her from leaving London (and also for reasons which will go unexplained)
but now she lives a very happy life in Dubai, as a solicitor with her husband and 9 month old child :dontknow:. But that is a silly excuse to stop me from leaving nonetheless.

I just don't find the idea of staying in London appealing. I mean sure there are great universities, but the universities and courses which appeal to me the most turn out to be, unfortunately for my mother, out of London.

Will you still apply to those universities anyway? I'm sure their ways of thinking will change when those offers come flying your way
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thecatwithnohat
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(Original post by Law-Hopeful)
I definitely don't recommend keeping your parents out of the loop then surprising them on results day that you're moving away...

Your parents should be involved throughout the entire process if possible, from going to open days with them, to supporting you on results day.

Maybe explain that you want to go to a university further away from home because there are no good unis where you live? :dontknow:

Sorry this wasn't very helpful... But good luck, I hope your mum comes around eventually.
I don't want to keep them out of the loop, no, but I also don't want them to be the reason I end up somewhere I'm unhappy being :getmecoat:

I think I'd have a heart attack about telling them that I'm leaving on the day than whether I actually got into the university! :lol:

One of my close friends in real life is a muslim and her parents were like 'no, there's no way you're going'. She then convinced them and they are allowing her to go, but won't provide her with any financial help when she does. It's a lose-lose situation. ;erm:

Knowing my mum she'll be like Imperial is a fab place (not my sort of place and just grades will be difficult to even attain if I'm honest - tsr snobs keep away ) or KCL and UCL which I'm just not drawn to having already been inside and around the universities many times.
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thecatwithnohat
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(Original post by Jackster45)
It is your choice whether to apply or not. If your parents can cope without, and you just don't believe what they say, then it may be better to move away. Are you parents eligible for any support from your local council/charities? (I get the impression they may have some sort of disability, sorry and please don't be offended if they do not). If so then try and find them some, or perhaps from other family members if they live locally. Also, tell you parents you can visit them, if them not seeing you is part of the issue, it may help to convince them.

Hope this helps.
Oops, I didn't make myself clear :giggle: haha no, they have no disabilities. They're just really busy people with busy lives and luckily I'm here to chip in most of the time to help them with my two younger brothers. I bet they've saved a hell of a lot of money getting a babysitter when I'm here most of the time :lol:

Plus, family life has overtaken my social life in general. Like I'd always have to opt to stay in with the family instead of going out with friends, and even my ex-boyfriend got fed up of me always putting things off last minute because I had to babysit last minute or whatever his silly excuses were.

I did mention coming back during holidays and things but my mum is having none of it haha. What should I do?!?! :zomg:
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PenguinEmperor
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I was able to convince my parents it was a good idea through statistics for employability and how much better at teaching they seemed to be for other Universities outside of where I live (As I had a choice of 2) Admittedly that might not be as easy in London but you might be able to find a way.
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Zer0.
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(Original post by thecatwithnohat)
I don't know why she's so insistent that I don't leave. She said something like "I don't want you to turn out like your sister did" because my sister completely cut her out when my mum also tried stopping her from leaving London (and also for reasons which will go unexplained)
but now she lives a very happy life in Dubai, as a solicitor with her husband and 9 month old child :dontknow:. But that is a silly excuse to stop me from leaving nonetheless.

I just don't find the idea of staying in London appealing. I mean sure there are great universities, but the universities and courses which appeal to me the most turn out to be, unfortunately for my mother, out of London.

Will you still apply to those universities anyway? I'm sure their ways of thinking will change when those offers come flying your way

Yeah I'll apply to one University that's in London, namely UCL, though the others will most likely be outside of London. Haha, even if I were to attain an offer from Cambridge (Probably not going to happen) God knows the struggle I'd go through when trying to firm it!

Edit: Applying to LSE as well


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thecatwithnohat
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(Original post by arfah)
It'd be banter telling them on results day. :giggle: I told my parents today though and they're fine with it. Moving out will surely be a great experience and a step towards becoming independent. In my opinion take the chance while you have it. Opportunities like that don't come around every day.
I'm so proud of you! :hugs: I'm glad they took it well.

That's exactly my point, before you know it I'll have to go out and find a well paying full-time job :afraid:
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thecatwithnohat
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(Original post by Penguinfarts)
I was able to convince my parents it was a good idea through statistics for employability and how much better at teaching they seemed to be for other Universities outside of where I live (As I had a choice of 2) Admittedly that might not be as easy in London but you might be able to find a way.
How on earth will I be able to compare my choice of unis with the likes of Imperial, UCL etc. :lol: because clearly 'I'm not feeling it' or 'I'm not smart enough' won't suffice.

why is life so #hard :cry2:
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Roving Fish
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I think the thing that you need to do is initially sit down with your parents and say that you're going to be looking at universities around the country and that it may not be within the local area. Ask them to be supportive of the move.

It's very frustrating to see that parents do try and stop their children from achieving, but I think that if you can convince them that you can live by yourself and the course is genuinely worth moving for then it should allay their fears.

At the end of the day it is your choice to make and you will probably be 18 when you forego that choice, an adult.

Where I'm from the options for uni locally are: University of Plymouth, University of St Mark & St John, University of Falmouth or University of Exeter - so many don't stay and people aren't expected to stay in the area after they leave further education.
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thecatwithnohat
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(Original post by lubsjk)
I'm in the exact same position as you. My parents don't want me to leave and of course, the whole 'you're an adult - you don't need your parents' permission' argument doesn't work for me because I wouldn't want to leave them on a bad note.

I've spoken to my parents about this a number of times. I guess the best thing to do is talk to them and show them that you've made up your mind and you really want to go. Just be a bit firm. Show them that you're ready and mature. Little things like cooking, washing your own clothes and whatnot make a massive difference. You can say to them 'I am independent!'

You could also compromise with them. Maybe go to a university that isn't too far from home so you can tell them you'll visit regularly?

I hope this was helpful. Good luck
Have you managed to convince your parents that you'll be moving away?

I don't know what else I need to prove; I do most of the cooking, washing, laundry and house chores (only the bathroom, toilet, my bedroom and my brothers) every day/every week! My level of responsibility isn't something they could hold against me.

I think they're more worried about my outcome than the location (or probably they're worried about both things equally!)

Thank you anyway! :yep:
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thecatwithnohat
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(Original post by Sicaspeak)
Ultimately, you have to think of your education and what is best for you (I probably wouldn't be saying this so definitely if you had a responsibility at home i.e. a carer role, that would negatively impact on the life of another person if you moved away but from your situation it doesn't sound like that is the case). If you stayed at home, would you be able to look back in a few years time and be happy with the education you received and the prospects and opportunities it has given you? Now think of the same thing but if you moved away. You need to do what is best for you and if that means moving, that's what you should do. I think you should apply for those uni's but you should tell your parents your decision; hopefully they'll come to terms with it. Good luck!
Hi there

I definitely have no legal or serious role of responsibility at home, unless babysitting my brothers who are both underage the age of 10 is one?? :erm:

I think after results day I'll confirm with myself which ones I'm interested in and put it straight to them. After all, you can't convince others if you haven't managed to convince yourself right? :ahee:
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mohamedm300
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I also live in london and decided to apply for university outside london. My mum was against it but dad was chilled about it. I honestly don't mind london but i just wanted to experience living on my own. I just told my parents BS, i told them that the course i really want to do is outside london. if i was you i would start telling them that you MIGHT leave asap
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thecatwithnohat
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(Original post by Roving Fish)
I think the thing that you need to do is initially sit down with your parents and say that you're going to be looking at universities around the country and that it may not be within the local area. Ask them to be supportive of the move.

It's very frustrating to see that parents do try and stop their children from achieving, but I think that if you can convince them that you can live by yourself and the course is genuinely worth moving for then it should allay their fears.

At the end of the day it is your choice to make and you will probably be 18 when you forego that choice, an adult.

Where I'm from the options for uni locally are: University of Plymouth, University of St Mark & St John, University of Falmouth or University of Exeter - so many don't stay and people aren't expected to stay in the area after they leave further education.
I said to my mum, "I didn't expect you to be one to stop me from going to a university outside London like many people's parents do" and she was a little taken a back, like she didn't want me to think she was being as close-minded as I think she is about it.

Exactly. I mean her only reason for me staying is for the family. But my family isn't what will get me far in the field I'm interested in going into. I understand that we've got to stick together at times, but having to devote my education to do that? Not appealing :hand:
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Sicaspeak
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(Original post by thecatwithnohat)
Hi there

I definitely have no legal or serious role of responsibility at home, unless babysitting my brothers who are both underage the age of 10 is one?? :erm:

I think after results day I'll confirm with myself which ones I'm interested in and put it straight to them. After all, you can't convince others if you haven't managed to convince yourself right? :ahee:
No, I was think more along the lines of caring for someone who is disabled. It's not fair for you to have to settle for a uni you don't want to go to just so you can provide your parents with free childcare. You have every right to think about yourself!

I think that's a good idea - find out as much as you can about each of the uni's you're interested in then you can be sure if it's somewhere you would enjoy attending and a city you'd enjoy living in
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