self esteem issues

all my mates are saying that i have an incredibly low esteem. its not about my body but about my personality. i hate it. i want to be more mature but everytime i try to it always backfires and i end up being immature....arrrgh

im always wanting to please people and im im soo paranoid about what people think of me. i get sooo nervous and anxious
and well i dont know how to stop thinking like this.

how can i boost my self esteem and be mature?

Reply 1

Vohamanah

16

Ooh that's a tough question! I was wondering why 11 views and no answers! :s-smilie:

Well there's no magic solution to becoming mature. How old are you?

I have self esteem issues as well, major ones! I guess all I can say is relax and be yourself. Don't worry about what other people think. Once you feel relaxed in your own company it will show. You need to be able to reassure yourself that you are not a social failure, try thinking of a time you really shone. Was there a party you went to when you were the centre of attention? (For a few minutes!) Was there something you did that you were really proud of. Keep remembering these times. Maybe make a list you can look at that will make you feel more confident when you are feeling down.

I'm doing a competition at uni at the moment and I've got really far when I wasn't expecting to. If I feel shy or have a moment of low self esteem I think "Well I've done this competition, so I can handle this situation"

Reply 2

xxSAMMIxx

1

Anonymous

all my mates are saying that i have an incredibly low esteem. its not about my body but about my personality. i hate it. i want to be more mature but everytime i try to it always backfires and i end up being immature....arrrgh

im always wanting to please people and im im soo paranoid about what people think of me. i get sooo nervous and anxious
and well i dont know how to stop thinking like this.

how can i boost my self esteem and be mature?

Hi, i can sort of understand how you feel, obviously not comptly because evryone has different feelings.

Me and my friend went through very similar things, and although i overcome mine through just being myself, and doing things that were 'outside my safety barrier' and that made my confidence and self esteem go up. However my friend struggled, and i took her to a youth worker in school, and he helped her.

Basically, you can ever set yourself challenges that you have to complete each day, things that are outside your 'safety barrier' - things you wouldnt normally do and it might help you, i dont know because everyone is different.

Do you have a youth worker, or someone in your school you can talk to that can help you, our youth worker at school helps with everything, and does classes on self esteem, bullying etc. I would imagine every school has one.

Do you go to school? if you dont you can contact a youth worker through your local council, well you can where i live.

Im sorry if that does not help, but you can always talk to us on here, good luck in whatever you decide to do, you can always PM me. :biggrin:

Reply 3

cutandpasteandtwisty

11

Self esteem generally builds with age especially if you're a bloke. So just give it time and believe in yourself.

Reply 4

Louenn

You also need to look at how you think about yourself. Whenever you think "I can't because of x, y and z" you need to stop yourself and ask yourself what made you think that. Is it something that happened a long time ago? Well, in that case, it isn't relevant, and you need to tell yourself that actually, that's not correct anymore, and you can have a go at doing whatever it is. If you never try, you'll never know, and while it's far safer to not try, you won't help your self-esteem if you never try, as by not trying, you continue to perpetuate the "I'm useless, I can't even do this" cycle and make yourself feel worse.

It's not easy to do this. Talk to your friends, and tell them that you're trying to combat this, but that you'll need their help and support.

Even now, I'm still not very good at accepting compliments, but I'm far less hard on myself than I used to be.

Reply 5

Anonymous #1

OP

pinkpinkuk

Ooh that's a tough question! I was wondering why 11 views and no answers! :s-smilie:

Well there's no magic solution to becoming mature. How old are you?

I have self esteem issues as well, major ones! I guess all I can say is relax and be yourself. Don't worry about what other people think. Once you feel relaxed in your own company it will show. You need to be able to reassure yourself that you are not a social failure, try thinking of a time you really shone. Was there a party you went to when you were the centre of attention? (For a few minutes!) Was there something you did that you were really proud of. Keep remembering these times. Maybe make a list you can look at that will make you feel more confident when you are feeling down.

I'm doing a competition at uni at the moment and I've got really far when I wasn't expecting to. If I feel shy or have a moment of low self esteem I think "Well I've done this competition, so I can handle this situation"

im nearly 17. am in 6th form.

there are a lot of things that i can think of that has made me feel the way i do. i just feel utterly and simply pathetic.

like today in class, i made the class and the teacher laugh. it was funny what i said, but minutes later i was still laughing and i felt so pathetic and immature. i just cannot stop laughing.

also people in school have formed misconceptions of me as this loser who is a loner i think. i was shy in yrs7-11 due to various reasons like bullying etc and only has a couple of close mates. i have a few more mates now, cos ive come out of my shell more. but most people still hold the conception of me as this quiet loser so i find it hard to make friends espesh since all the friendship groups have been formed. they even give me weird disgusted looks sometimes like im a disease.

also i did some things about a year ago to this teacher ..i wasnt thinking, ive grown up now. but he hasnt forgotten nor has he forgiven me and he can be quite nasty to me, and it really gets to me. cos i feel rather guilty about it.
also im sure this teacher is avoiding me now. back in yr10 she she called me immature- for colouring in something cos i was bored as i finished the work ahead of the class..... well im now in yr12 and im sure she still holds this view. she completely blanks me and makes no effort to talk to me though she does with other people who were in my gcse class. and well i can tell she doesnt like me really.- when i got into 6th form, she was ok with me. but now shes gone all funny..even worse than b4....

god im acting sooo pathetic arent i. i really want to get my act together and grow up. i do try to but it always backfires. i onestly hate myself.
i really do hate my personality. im nice to everyone i pay them genuine compliements and im polite to them but still they are all like still nasty...
ive never however been nasty, ive always been nice. i just feel like a loser.

Reply 6

The Thinker

xxSAMMIxx

doing things that were 'outside my safety barrier' and that made my confidence and self esteem go up. However my friend struggled, and i took her to a youth worker in school, and he helped her.

Basically, you can ever set yourself challenges that you have to complete each day, things that are outside your 'safety barrier' - things you wouldnt normally do and it might help you, i dont know because everyone is different.

This is good advice, I used to be very shy and have low self esteem but that all changed for a few reasons. Now I am a completely different person, I'll give you a rundown of what changed things for me:

1) I met a bunch of new friends outside of school who were absolutely fantastic, they helped me allot because they were Christians which means they had a whole nother dimension to them. They were not scared of complimenting other guys and being labeled "gay", they also were not afraid to say what they thought. I think it is true that you are what you think you are, or rather what people say you are because that influences what you think you are. These new friends told me when I looked good and told me when they thought I did something they thought was great. Over time this built up my confidence allot.

2) I sorted out my looks. I used to think I was ugly and so I didn't really care what people thought about me, I wore clothes that did not make me look good at all because I thought it didn't make a difference. But then after meeting those new friends I started to change how I looked. One of the friends I met was very metrosexual, he knew about fashion and style hahaha. So we went out one day and I bought a whole bunch of new clothes. For example I started wearing shirts and tops which had collars because they make me look older. Instead of baggy T-shirts which made me look like a kid. I also grew my hair long instead of having a stupid "bowl" cut.

3) I started setting myself challenges and began doing things outside my safety zone. For example I went to parties with my sister at which I knew no one. I also went to clubs on my own to meet people, that one was especially hard but it worked. When I found that people were actually interested in talking to me it reinforced my self esteem and helped me realize I am not a shy, ugly, loner.

The key is in changing what you think of yourself because it comes out very clearly in body language.

Reply 7

danni_bella

17

Mine's suffered a bit too after a rough night out :frown:

There there :hugs:

Reply 8

Invocation

12

Write down 10 things you like about yourself. You should only be worried if you can't think of one.

Wanting to please people is one. There, job done!

Reply 9

Faye Valentine

Anonymous

god im acting sooo pathetic arent i. i really want to get my act together and grow up. i do try to but it always backfires. i onestly hate myself.
i really do hate my personality. im nice to everyone i pay them genuine compliements and im polite to them but still they are all like still nasty...
ive never however been nasty, ive always been nice. i just feel like a loser.

don't try DESPERATELY to be friends with everybody. you don't have to. people start to be annoying if they try to be somebody else then they are. if you're immature - so what? if your colouring something - your affair. don't feel bad about yourself because other people use you to boost their own lacking self-esteem. they are not worth it.
please, please, please just give a **** about what other people think of you. it IS that simple.

self esteem issues

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