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Can't get over ex boyfriend of two years, been a year since we broke up.
Sorry for the long post in advance 
...
I was with my ex-boyfriend for two years, our time together was probably one of the happiest periods of my life so far. He was my first love and first serious relationship, and the one I lost my virginity to, which was a really big deal to me. Our first year together was actually perfect, it sounds so cliched but its true. But things slowly started messing up. We argued loads and broke up once temporarily. Although we got back together, it was always on-off. Then I slowly began finding out he had lied to me about a whole bunch of things, some small, some pretty major, including cheating on me about a year and a half into the relationship.
It sounds pathetic but it really broke me apart, I loved him and cared for him so much and I really thought he felt the exact same way back - he was such a good liar I guess. Anyway I tried to forgive and forget but you can just imagine how messy things got. So after two years, I broke up with him on pretty bad terms. I knew it was the right thing to do cause it was hurting too much to be in the relationship, but it actually hurt more not to be with him.
I know I should have hated him for the things he did, but i just couldn't/can't. It's now been a whole year since we broke up, and we haven't had any contact in about 9 months but I still think about him all the time. What do i doooo?! I've tried the whole keeping busy with my friends/going out/getting drunk thing, but I jus't can't get over it.
I feel so pathetic, he's probably over me and with someone else now, but I can't even bring myself to give other guys a chance, I'm so dismissive of every guy, but I don't want to be like this!
Any advice? Has anyone else been in the same situation and how did you begin to move on? Please help!
... I was with my ex-boyfriend for two years, our time together was probably one of the happiest periods of my life so far. He was my first love and first serious relationship, and the one I lost my virginity to, which was a really big deal to me. Our first year together was actually perfect, it sounds so cliched but its true. But things slowly started messing up. We argued loads and broke up once temporarily. Although we got back together, it was always on-off. Then I slowly began finding out he had lied to me about a whole bunch of things, some small, some pretty major, including cheating on me about a year and a half into the relationship.
It sounds pathetic but it really broke me apart, I loved him and cared for him so much and I really thought he felt the exact same way back - he was such a good liar I guess. Anyway I tried to forgive and forget but you can just imagine how messy things got. So after two years, I broke up with him on pretty bad terms. I knew it was the right thing to do cause it was hurting too much to be in the relationship, but it actually hurt more not to be with him.
I know I should have hated him for the things he did, but i just couldn't/can't. It's now been a whole year since we broke up, and we haven't had any contact in about 9 months but I still think about him all the time. What do i doooo?! I've tried the whole keeping busy with my friends/going out/getting drunk thing, but I jus't can't get over it.
I feel so pathetic, he's probably over me and with someone else now, but I can't even bring myself to give other guys a chance, I'm so dismissive of every guy, but I don't want to be like this!
Any advice? Has anyone else been in the same situation and how did you begin to move on? Please help!
Another relationship generally helps. I came out of a failed relationship (5 years) and was in a pretty grim state of mind for nearly a year before I started seeing someone else.
You've done the right thing by cutting contact with him and keeping busy.
Try to think back over the relationship thinking of the good and bad things. Its very easy to forget the bad and wonder why you ever split up.
You'll move on and meet someone who really deserves you it just takes time
Try to think back over the relationship thinking of the good and bad things. Its very easy to forget the bad and wonder why you ever split up.
You'll move on and meet someone who really deserves you it just takes time
Heya, I'm sorry to hear about how you feel, cause I know exactly what you mean. I was with my bf for a year before things started going downhill, and we split up 6 months later. He was my first everything, boyfriend, kiss, sexual partner. We broke up on fairly even terms ( I was heavily medicated at the time and didn't realise the extent of things until i came off the anti-depressants). 9 months later he started seeing a girl who had caused a few issues in the relationship (he'd tell her all our problems and wouldn't ever let me meet her) and it totally broke me apart.
It'll be two years since we split up in a months' time, and I still get the odd moment where I sort of miss him. Then I realise that I'm a much better person without him. I do'nt regret the relationship, nor do I miss it because it turned so sour, but I do like to think that it's made me a stronger person.
For the first year after we split up I was a wreck, I made a lot of stupid mistakes and ended up hurting myself.
It may be worthwhile talking to a councellor of some sort. Verbalising all the stuff he did to hurt you will make it seem more real, thus allowing you to get over your hatred and anger, and let you move on (which is where I am now). Don't be scared that you might think about him from time to time, it'll happen. He obviously made quite an impact on your life, and will have affected the way you think about things.
It'll be two years since we split up in a months' time, and I still get the odd moment where I sort of miss him. Then I realise that I'm a much better person without him. I do'nt regret the relationship, nor do I miss it because it turned so sour, but I do like to think that it's made me a stronger person.
For the first year after we split up I was a wreck, I made a lot of stupid mistakes and ended up hurting myself.
It may be worthwhile talking to a councellor of some sort. Verbalising all the stuff he did to hurt you will make it seem more real, thus allowing you to get over your hatred and anger, and let you move on (which is where I am now). Don't be scared that you might think about him from time to time, it'll happen. He obviously made quite an impact on your life, and will have affected the way you think about things.
Same situation,
girlfriend of a year and a half, always on and off... mild unfaithfulness on both parts which i truly regret.
She finally gave me the flick and i was devastated, especially when i knew she was on dates with 'others'
Finally this girl has come into my life, she is fantastic and a real morale booster. I am very keen on her but dont know if its mutual yet, but at the end of the day knowing there are other people out there is all it took, and ive been in a really really good state of mind since this new woman has come into my life.
Next time youre out, and a guy approaches you - try not to be dismissive, dont talk about your ex, but let the guy who approaches you ask you questions and answer them - i bet youll feel happier when he smiles at you and pays you a compliment. The next day, when you wake up, see if youre thinking about the new man or your ex- my money is on the new man and hopefully he will sweep you off your feet.
My ex was the only girl ive ever loved, and rejection hurts - forever i suppose. But there is a light at the end of the tunnell, and hopefully soon someone will light that torch for you and lead you out of your heartache.
Best of luck
girlfriend of a year and a half, always on and off... mild unfaithfulness on both parts which i truly regret.
She finally gave me the flick and i was devastated, especially when i knew she was on dates with 'others'
Finally this girl has come into my life, she is fantastic and a real morale booster. I am very keen on her but dont know if its mutual yet, but at the end of the day knowing there are other people out there is all it took, and ive been in a really really good state of mind since this new woman has come into my life.
Next time youre out, and a guy approaches you - try not to be dismissive, dont talk about your ex, but let the guy who approaches you ask you questions and answer them - i bet youll feel happier when he smiles at you and pays you a compliment. The next day, when you wake up, see if youre thinking about the new man or your ex- my money is on the new man and hopefully he will sweep you off your feet.
My ex was the only girl ive ever loved, and rejection hurts - forever i suppose. But there is a light at the end of the tunnell, and hopefully soon someone will light that torch for you and lead you out of your heartache.
Best of luck
Yes, I think because you haven't moved on, then it's clear that you'll dwell on that relationship because it lasted for a long time! So try to move on if you can you'll realise there are other great people around!
Good luck!
Good luck!
My guide to getting over a long relationship with someone you loved...
- Cry for the first 2 weeks
- After a month, get very very drunk
- Whilst very very drunk, get laid
- Go find someone to take you on dates, even if you'll never love them, have a whirlwind romance, lots of sex, and then break up after 2 months.
By the time you've dealt with all the problems the above gives you, you'll have forgotten your ex's name..
- Cry for the first 2 weeks
- After a month, get very very drunk
- Whilst very very drunk, get laid
- Go find someone to take you on dates, even if you'll never love them, have a whirlwind romance, lots of sex, and then break up after 2 months.
By the time you've dealt with all the problems the above gives you, you'll have forgotten your ex's name..
It can take a long time to get over someone. I know the feeling. About 4 months ago my boyfriend of over a year broke up with me. I was still in love with him, and still am and it really broke my heart. I felt even worse when I found out he'd met someone else, and was really upset for a long time. Then I realised that I couldn't go on thinking about him, and dwelling over our relationship, it was over and it was over for a reason. I began to enjoy myself more and soon found someone new, it was only a casual thing, and we weren't together very long (difficult circumstances- we were both leaving the country) but meeting him finally put a stop to me thinking about my ex all the time, and I realised that now we'd broken up I was finally free to meet other people and have other wonderful relationships. Sure sometimes I look back and think, god I really miss him, and I can't think about his new girlfriend without feeling just a teensie bit jealous, but deep down I realise that things are better now.
So, essentially my advice to you, is to try and remind yourself of why you broke up, why you're not with him anymore, and that it makes a lot more sense for you to be apart now, because after all he did hurt you and you did break up for a reason. Try meeting someone new, or just talking to new guys, develop a new crush, even if it doesn't lead to a proper relationship it will still make you feel good about yourself and will help you forget about your ex.
So, essentially my advice to you, is to try and remind yourself of why you broke up, why you're not with him anymore, and that it makes a lot more sense for you to be apart now, because after all he did hurt you and you did break up for a reason. Try meeting someone new, or just talking to new guys, develop a new crush, even if it doesn't lead to a proper relationship it will still make you feel good about yourself and will help you forget about your ex.
Yeah I think that you should find someone new. A similar thing happened to me with my ex. I broke up with him cos he kept hurting me/I couldn't trust him even though I wanted to etc etc. Then after I broke up with him I really regretted it (God knows why). Eventually I got together with someone else. We've been together 8 months now and I can safely say that I'm soooo glad I broke up with the ex. I think that you need to find someone new, who will make you happy, so that you can see all of your ex's faults and remember why you broke up with him in the first place. xxx
Anonymous
Sorry for the long post in advance ...
I was with my ex-boyfriend for two years, our time together was probably one of the happiest periods of my life so far. He was my first love and first serious relationship, and the one I lost my virginity to, which was a really big deal to me. Our first year together was actually perfect, it sounds so cliched but its true. But things slowly started messing up. We argued loads and broke up once temporarily. Although we got back together, it was always on-off. Then I slowly began finding out he had lied to me about a whole bunch of things, some small, some pretty major, including cheating on me about a year and a half into the relationship.
It sounds pathetic but it really broke me apart, I loved him and cared for him so much and I really thought he felt the exact same way back - he was such a good liar I guess. Anyway I tried to forgive and forget but you can just imagine how messy things got. So after two years, I broke up with him on pretty bad terms. I knew it was the right thing to do cause it was hurting too much to be in the relationship, but it actually hurt more not to be with him.
I know I should have hated him for the things he did, but i just couldn't/can't. It's now been a whole year since we broke up, and we haven't had any contact in about 9 months but I still think about him all the time. What do i doooo?! I've tried the whole keeping busy with my friends/going out/getting drunk thing, but I jus't can't get over it.
I feel so pathetic, he's probably over me and with someone else now, but I can't even bring myself to give other guys a chance, I'm so dismissive of every guy, but I don't want to be like this!
Any advice? Has anyone else been in the same situation and how did you begin to move on? Please help!
... I was with my ex-boyfriend for two years, our time together was probably one of the happiest periods of my life so far. He was my first love and first serious relationship, and the one I lost my virginity to, which was a really big deal to me. Our first year together was actually perfect, it sounds so cliched but its true. But things slowly started messing up. We argued loads and broke up once temporarily. Although we got back together, it was always on-off. Then I slowly began finding out he had lied to me about a whole bunch of things, some small, some pretty major, including cheating on me about a year and a half into the relationship.
It sounds pathetic but it really broke me apart, I loved him and cared for him so much and I really thought he felt the exact same way back - he was such a good liar I guess. Anyway I tried to forgive and forget but you can just imagine how messy things got. So after two years, I broke up with him on pretty bad terms. I knew it was the right thing to do cause it was hurting too much to be in the relationship, but it actually hurt more not to be with him.
I know I should have hated him for the things he did, but i just couldn't/can't. It's now been a whole year since we broke up, and we haven't had any contact in about 9 months but I still think about him all the time. What do i doooo?! I've tried the whole keeping busy with my friends/going out/getting drunk thing, but I jus't can't get over it.
I feel so pathetic, he's probably over me and with someone else now, but I can't even bring myself to give other guys a chance, I'm so dismissive of every guy, but I don't want to be like this!
Any advice? Has anyone else been in the same situation and how did you begin to move on? Please help!
Dont get back in contact with him. Try and be happy and stay on the lookout for a nice guy to have a relationship with.
Thank you so much for your replies guys, especially to those that shared their similar stories - gives me some hope that I won't be stuck in this rut forever.
I half expected everyone to say a new relationship was the only thing that would help really, was a bit afraid of that lol =(
Did everyone else find themselves continuously comparing new guys and girls in their life to their ex's as well? Or is that just me being stupid again?
I half expected everyone to say a new relationship was the only thing that would help really, was a bit afraid of that lol =(
Did everyone else find themselves continuously comparing new guys and girls in their life to their ex's as well? Or is that just me being stupid again?
I've been in a similar situation...my bf broke up with me 6 months ago after a 5 year relationship because he found someone else...again, he was my first love and sexual partner... its been a long time since we last spoke and i was actually dependent on my bf, just like how a new born baby is dependent on its mother...i know it seems sad but i loved him to bits and to be quite honest, i still do even though he dumped me for another girl, i even tried committing suicide...pathetic i know, and i was even crying about it earlier on today. i moved away for uni, which has slightly helped me to get over him, or atleast got me out of the suicidal state. i try to keep occupied and i'm trying to find a guy who will treat me right. i did start smoking, and altho i thought it was helping, it made the situation worse so whatever you do (no matter how obvious or stupid this sounds) stay away from drugs, cigarettes and excessive alcohol!! lol. you need to be strong and think to yourself- do you really deserve such an idiot who would cheat on you? theres a guy out there for you who will give u the happiness u deserve. patience is a virtue. just wait and the right one will come for you...it may be tomorrow or it may take years but there is someone out there for you. good luck and god bless.
Anonymous
Thank you so much for your replies guys, especially to those that shared their similar stories - gives me some hope that I won't be stuck in this rut forever.
I half expected everyone to say a new relationship was the only thing that would help really, was a bit afraid of that lol =(
Did everyone else find themselves continuously comparing new guys and girls in their life to their ex's as well? Or is that just me being stupid again?
I half expected everyone to say a new relationship was the only thing that would help really, was a bit afraid of that lol =(
Did everyone else find themselves continuously comparing new guys and girls in their life to their ex's as well? Or is that just me being stupid again?
It's ineveitable at first, but really it doesn't matter, even if at first you don't think it can compare with your old relationship with your ex, you just have to let it happen and appreciate it for what it is, and eventually you will cease to think about your ex at all.
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