Despair about boyfriend

I've been going out with this guy for a few weeks now and I really like him but I really dislike his attitude sometimes, usually when he's been drinking. He gets annoyed really easily if I don't say what I want him to hear. Like last night he was walking me home and I told him he wouldn't be allowed to enter my building due to security restrictions (we have a guy on a desk) but he kept insisting, and when the guy told him no got all offended and started arguing that he just wanted to say goodnight outside my room, but the guy kept saying he couldn't come in. I said it didn't matter and then my boyfriend got in a big huff and just started walking off. I ran after him but I wasn't going to defend him because I know rules are rules and they never let any guests in after midnight. He then got more annoyed that I wouldn't stand up for him even though he was clearly wrong and just walked off. He then rings me 5 minutes later demanding money for a taxi since he'd spent all his and when I came out to give it to him didn't even say thank-you.

What should I do? He was acting all annoyed with me but I did nothing wrong. I'm annoyed that he didn't listen to me about not being allowed in, and that he clearly thinks he's special and that the guy would make an exception for him. I'm not going to say what he wants to hear just for the sake of it. But at the same time I don't want to lose my bf over something so stupid. What should I say to him tomorow?

Reply 1

Jennybean

Exactly what you've said to us? That rules aren't bent for individuals, he shouldn't have argued, or been rude about the taxi money and that unless he can handle his drink he shouldn't be having so much.

Reply 2

JakeThePeg

Dump him, he sounds like an idiot. The longer you stay with him the worse it'll get.

Reply 3

BURRY

i think alcohol is a good thing, certainly a mood enhancer and if youre with your boyfriend and having a good time and a night out, certainly have a few and enjoy the moment.

It seems though that alcohol makes your boyfriend into someone different, perhaps not the person you really like when he is sober.

I would suggest you encourage him not to drink excessively because it is affecting your relationship, and also if he doesnt have the money for a night out, buy you some drinks and afford a taxi home, he shouldnt spend all he does have on alcohol because that will lead to further problems down the track.

if these problems persist, give him an altermatum - you like him when he is sober, but when he drinks he hurts you (mentally) and he needs to control that.

You did nothing wrong and i hope it works out for the better for you :smile:

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

The thing is, it's only when he acts like this that he annoys me, and I know everyone has their faults. I know I'm not very tolerent, I am hard to get along with a lot of the time etc. To be honest I like having a boyfriend after being single forever and it's not like guys are queuing up to go out with me because they find me quite intimidating due to me speaking my mind all the time. He treats me really well except for these incidents where he takes offense at something really silly and gets in a huff. He is really stubborn. Should I just tell him that I don't like who he is when he gets into these moods, and that I would really appreciate him being more rational in these situations?

Reply 5

Citation

I know very few people who argue like how your post describes, when they're drunk , but those people who do, it tends to reflect their sober state in a certain manner as well, even if he's able to hide it for the time being. You may disagree with me, I don't know the guy and I don't know the whole story, but to be honest if he's "demanding" money off you, even though he's known for only a few weeks, it shows little or no respect, drunk or not.

You are in the right. Rules are rules and even though some can be bent, when it comes to the security of yourself and those around you those rules cannot and shall not be bent.

Talk to him about it, when he's sober of course, and get him to realize he was in the wrong! If something like this happens again, just take a minute to think about the guy you are a part of...

Good luck though, and all the best.

Reply 6

Anonymous #1

He has just texted me now he's got home thanking me and explaining that he had to rush off while the taxi was there. I don't know how he will react about not being allowed into the building. I suspect he will say he was wrong and it was due to being in a bad mood, but I know it will happen again. I know LOADS of guys who argue like that when drunk, and if often gets violent, my bf has never been violent or raised his voice but he won't take no for an answer. I find it infuriating but I don't know if it's enough reason to dump him when he usually treats me really well and we have a good time together. Recently I was sick and he was really good bringing me treats and flowers and making sure I was alright so it feels silly to consider dumping him over something like this. But I don't like that behavior at all. I'm going round in circles, LOL, I will talk to him tomorrow and explain that I don't like him acting that way.

Reply 7

Citation

Hmm I suppose (regarding "I know LOADS of guys who argue like that when drunk") it's the people you socialize with. As I said I know very few who do get argumentative and violent, and those who do, annoy me with petty, primitive notions of violence just because they can't handle their drink. Please don't think for a second, in anyway, I'm bad mouthing your social friends. As I said before I don't know you so my opinion is of limited reliability, but that aside!

If you truly believe this guys right for you and it's just this situation which is causing the problems, then just talk to him about it. Admitting he's in the wrong is the first step and you can work on it. But saying that, changing someone is very difficult, especially if it's a state which is influenced by a third party, in this case, the booze!

Just threaten him that he's not allowed ANYTHING for a fortnight if he does it again, that should do the trick :biggrin:

(jk)

Lol, just talk to him and explain how you feel :smile:

I'm sure it'll all work out in the end.

Reply 8

sidi

You've only been going out with him for a weeks. This should be the 'honeymoon ' period when everything is great. If he's annoying you already it doesn't bode well for the future! I would talk it over with him but if there's no improvement walk away. You do yourself a great disservice by thinking this is the only guy you can get.

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