Weight Issue

Hello,

I went on holiday last year in July, and I had an excruciating time- I felt like the biggest person there. I was so depressed- I refused to let my mother take a picture of me. But, on the sly, she got a sneaky picture of me smiling. After the holiday, I weighed myself for the first time in years. To my utter shame and disgust, the scales showed I was 19st!
From then on, I have begun getting sick after each meal, and I have also sometimes been using a laxative. I did not notice the difference until about January- the person in the picture does not look like me anymore.
In November, I weighed myself again and I was 15 stone 7lbs. So that was 3 stone 8lbs loss in about 4 months.
On Thursday, I weighed myself again and I'm now at 13st 4lbs.
I know this is wrong, not to mention lazy, but I cannot stop myself now.
Looking at that picture the other day, I cannot believe who I was then. I was smiling in the picture, but you could see in my eyes I was dying.
It is hard to stop- I am so scared of looking that way ever again.
I want to get down to 10st by July when I go on holiday again- I want to be allowed to enjoy time away without feeling shamed and as if I need to cover up. At the rate I'm going, I will get to my target weight and maybe beyond it if I really try, but I recognise that I have become slightly obsessed.
Can anyone offer advice?

Reply 1

shewantstobeme

10

My best friend when I was younger was bulimic.
I was the only person who knew, and in the end I told a trusted adult. I think telling someone who you know you can trust helps.
She had to wait to stop for herself though, because it wasnt until she realised that she needed to stop for her health that she did. She then went on to a better diet plan.

Maybe you could go and talk to your GP about it, as everything you say will be in confidence. They'll also be able to check your general wellbeing, as vomiting frequently causes the stomach acid to erode your teeth and throat.

Good luck with recovering. Once you can see there are more ways to lose weight which are healthier and can improve your general fitness too (as eating disorders can make you tired and less alert) you'll be well on the way to your target :smile:

Good luck xx

Reply 2

Dutchmeister

Great advice!! Good luck to you!

Reply 3

xxsarahjwxx

As someone whos done every eating disorder out there (and still going), i would say that you have got to stop. You must already be noticing the *other* effects it has on ur body and if you continue this way it will kill you. Our bodies can't cope like this. I learnt the hard way and so have you. Think of it like this, if you dont change something, you might not make it to ur holiday. As harsh as it sounds, u like i did, need a wake up call. Mine was the constant throwing up (involuntary) because my stomach just couldnt handle anything any more. I knew then that things had to change. Go and see your doctor. They are very understanding, if not a little patronising. They won't doubt you or tell u to stop wasting their time. You are ill and u need help. Join weightwatchers if you want to lose more weight, you will value their "recovery" program to get u eating well after u have lost all the weight. Starving urself through vomiting will only worsen ur eating habits in the long run, as i learnt. You need to change for life and stop taking the easy way out. Please get help. Your weight will benefit in the long run too, trust me.

Reply 4

Anonymous #2

well said sarahjw
i dont know if i had a eating disorder but i would go weeks on eating packet of crisp if i wanted to i went from 12-14 to 10 i was happy cause i was slim but i looked ill i didnt think i looked ill intill i look back on the pictures now im not 12-14 and un happy about my weight but i will not be going down that road again yes its great being a size 10 but you have to be looking healthy with it

scales are the worse things they invented this is were alot of problems start

Reply 5

Ben Dover the Lollipop Man

14

Im not sure what you want advice on. Because you're already losing weight and you're doing pretty well. How tall are you btw? or did I miss that bit. Im around 1.83m, so nearly 6ft (Not good with feet and inches), and I'm about 12and half st - 13st. And tbh I don't look fat at all. That's because if you're tall and you weight 13st no one really notices, anyway best advice I can give you is exercise. Home exercise, gym exercise. There must be a sport you like, i.e. football, basketball etc. Start playing those. Not only will you then lose fat but you will gain muscle, which at the end will help to improve your health.

edit: didn't realise you ment your eating disorder. I would advice you to go see your GP, get your whole body checked at hospital. Drink water, eat fruit if you can't eat meal (if you can that is).

good luck to you, and losing so much weight from 19st is a great achievement,

gl in future

Reply 6

Lauren Hart

3

Hi, I think you've realised that really, it needs to stop. And thats an important step. I know how much of a shock it can be when you realise you're so much heavier than you think you are, but this isnt the way to deal with it. You aren't that heavy any more, and there is loads of time till your holiday to lose it in a better way. Being 13st isnt that heavy. Thats how much I weigh, and whilst I'd like to be lighter I dont mind that there are people are heavier than I am. It's about being comfortable with who you are. And losing nearly 10st in one year, thats really dangerous. Breaking the cycle is the hardest thing, its the same with anything in life, its so much easier to do what you're doing but think about what it's doing your body in the long run. Starving kills just like being overweight does.

Maybe think about joining a gym or a sports class? I thought that I would hate it, but I really really like it. And is nice to see the weight going without having to change too much of what I like to eat. I know its so easy to suggest, but take it from someone who really really really hated the idea to begin with, you might just find you like it. Or maybe swim? Its one of the best calorie burners.

Do you mind if I ask what size clothes you wear? It'd be a good indication of what overall sort of size you are.

I hope that you start to feel better soon. Talk to someone about the way you've been doing things. No one will judge you. And in some ways its almost commendable because unlike hundreds of thousands of people, you actually did soemthing about it. you just did the wrong thing. There are far more "pleasant" ways to lose weight. Im currently experiementing with more/different fruit and veg, and actually loving it.

I feel like Ive had a bit of a rant and probably havent been all that helpful. but from one 13ster to another, its not as bad as you might think, and im sure you're as beautiful now as you would be at 10st, because its whats inside your heart that really counts. Its just not easy to see that when you look in the mirror. If you wanna chat, PM me. I'll be happy to chat with you.

Reply 7

PaperMoon

Kelv

Im not sure what you want advice on. Because you're already losing weight and you're doing pretty well. How tall are you btw? or did I miss that bit. Im around 1.83m, so nearly 6ft (Not good with feet and inches), and I'm about 12and half st - 13st. And tbh I don't look fat at all. That's because if you're tall and you weight 13st no one really notices, anyway best advice I can give you is exercise. Home exercise, gym exercise. There must be a sport you like, i.e. football, basketball etc. Start playing those. Not only will you then lose fat but you will gain muscle, which at the end will help to improve your health.

edit: didn't realise you ment your eating disorder. I would advice you to go see your GP, get your whole body checked at hospital. Drink water, eat fruit if you can't eat meal (if you can that is).

good luck to you, and losing so much weight from 19st is a great achievement,

gl in future

It would be if she lost it in a healthy way! Somehow I don't think those are the kind of comments she needs.

OP, bulimia is controlling your life, and not only will it make you very ill, losing weight this way does not bring happiness...you will just want to lose more and more, and as you said...the fear of putting it all on will always be at the back of your mind. Do you want to live a life where weight controls every thing you do, and does not let you enjoy anything at all?

Going to your GP, as quickly as possible is your best chance of getting some help and stopping what you're doing to yourself.

Reply 8

rosie86uk

8

I can also try and shed some light on your situation.

I know where you're coming from because to be honest I've been there, struggled with the same eating habits, tormented myself over it...From the age of 15-18 there are only 3 photographs that exist of me on holidays as, like yourself, I kicked up a refusal....

..but I did find a way out and you will too.

I'm completely obsessed with food & i always will be as it's become a habit. How i found my way out...? Well I found support in family and friends, I tried to relax with what I ate each day, what i found to be the most helpful was finding something new to obsess about. In my case it was badminton.

You have to keep positive. Not put so much emphasis on eating habits. Remember that you're not alone. Get active. Try and eat healthily e.g. all veg and fruit in a day as well as water and plenty of it.

You will get to your target weight if you're sensible about it but please don't die trying which inevitably you will do if you carry on with this bulimic trend. You need to try and break the cycle.

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