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Friend thats trans!!!

My friend is a trans male. Amd he doesn't talk much and. And he is living with his aunt because his mother doesn't support him at all she calls him by his feminine name not his prefered name Wyatt. And he does trust me i did get that from him. But it seems like something is missing.

I have never had a trans friend. But i don't want them to feel uncomfortable when im talking to them via Facebook.

Can the trans community give me any tips on what i can avoid talking about.

And he already knows I'm gay.

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(edited 8 years ago)

Reply 1

NathanAllen

Any

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Reply 2

Proxenus

Do you look like Joey Essex?

Reply 3

NathanAllen

Original post by Proxenus

Do you look like Joey Essex?

Who

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Reply 4

BKS

Original post by NathanAllen

You're right in not expecting him to educate you so stick with that, if you have a general question google it or something instead of asking him. Trans folk often get asked loads of trans questions it gets tedious at best and it's not like trans people are born knowledgeable, everyone educated themselves pretty much so cis people can do that too. Plus it makes relationships kind of feel like being trans is some central feature if there's loads of questions, if the trans person doesn't want to talk about it all the time then it feels like making being a bigger deal than it should be,

Like with anyone with a sensitive situation, don't push talking about it. If something is relevant offer to listen but don't try to push any conversations, he might not want to talk. Or he might not want to talk to you, that's nothing personal, just sometimes someone who's not a friend or is trans is better. So if something does come up you could always offer to help him find a LGBT/trans young group or online space where he could talk.

Otherwise I'm not sure what to tell you, are you thinking of any situations in particular?

Some general stuff you might find interesting about being good about a friend being trans:
Simple things that help trans people
Answers the questions you're not to ask (video sounds starts automatically when you open the page)

Reply 5

username457532

Firstly you need to remember that he is your friend and him being trans shouldn't affect that except if he wants to talk about it.

Don't assume there is one set way to transition and that all people who are trans will want to have hormones, top and bottom surgery (trans people have different levels of dysphoria about their bodies) and that this will happen quickly. Waiting lists on the NHS can be super long.

Terms to not use and better alternatives (the first two you have used):

'Preferred name' - this is just his name.
'Feminine name' - I think generally people who are trans* use 'birth name' or 'assigned name'.
'Born a girl'/'Used to be a girl' - use 'assigned/designated female at birth' or 'raised as a girl'. A lot of trans people say they were never their assigned gender.

Tips for general ally-ness:

If unsure ask about pronouns (and stick to the ones you are asked to use).
Don't talk about 'passing'. Due to their bodies or their finances some people who are trans will not get the body they desire and others don't want to or don't feel they need to fit into cis-centric standards of beauty.
Don't out anyone. EVER. People do not need to know he was assigned female at birth and he gets to chose if he tells someone (and if so, when). Equally if someone comes out to you as trans but hasn't socially transitioned yet then you shouldn't tell anyone. At best you will be breaking their trust, at worst you could be putting them at risk of violence.

Disclaimer: I am not binary trans (I identify as genderqueer) so I may have missed things out and not all people who are trans will feel the same way about everything. But I have friends who are trans and so I'm basing a lot of this on their experiences.