Boyfriend feels like I'm making no effort

I've been going out with my boyfriend for a few weeks. At first everything was great, we went out on dates in town, etc. We got along really well, had a great time together. Some weekends we watched movies in my uni room and now he wants to do that all the time........whereas I would like to get out of my room and go into town. I know he feels that isn't romantic or intimate and is taking it like I don't want to spend time with him alone. I do, but at the same time I like to go out sometimes instead of always staying in.......

Tonight I was feeling really tired and when he asked about coming over I said I was tired (I genuinely am, getting over an illness) and would rather see him tomorow. He said he couldn't tomorrow, so I said I'd see him on Monday to which he said 'well yeah see how we feel' and then 'see you around'. As if, if he couldn't see me tonight, then he didn't want to see me again at all. I know he feels like he makes all the effort to come to me and that I'm taking it for granted, it has been annoying him lately and he's acting 'hot and cold' towards me....... one minute saying how much he adores me and the next getting irritated because I don't feel like kissing him or because I'm saying I'm too tired to see him. I'm not sure now how he really feels.....he made it sound like he was gonna drop me just like that, but when I ended up inviting him over he was really pleased......

Assuming that I am at fault here (and I know I'm not completely, but I know I don't make as much effort as I should) what can I do to make my bf believe I do really like him although I'm not as into making out all the time like he is??? And even though I don't often tell him how I feel because I find it hard to express my feelings??? I know that I seem a bit ungrateful or something but I DO really appreciate him, and I just don't know how to show it!! Hope that made some sense.....

Reply 1

Tyler Durden

17

Talk to him and explain what you just explained here. And do something really good for that corporate festival - St V's day.

Reply 2

jumping10

I think he acted like that because he felt rejected. He thought maybe you not wanting to see him was a hint of you dumping him. He goes cold on you because he wants you to be hot on him and do the chasing-also it saves him face if you do dump him-which it sounds like he thinks you will.

Why dont you have a day in the week for movie night, then a day in the week for a proper date night? then everyone will be happy!

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

OP

He goes cold on you because he wants you to be hot on him and do the chasing

Yes I think that's what it is. He wants to make me feel rejected so I will chase him and he'll be reassured that I like him. But I hate things being this way..... he doesn't need to do that :s-smilie:

I wouldn't be going out with him if I didn't like him....I don't need to be 'tested'. Unless of course he really has gone off me and wants me to dump him so he doesn't have to do it :confused:

But one minute he's like 'I adore you, I want to see you' and the next 'well see you around'! I guess he wants me to chase him.

Reply 4

L0RA

9

Maybe he gets confused when you say you dont want to kiss him :s-smilie:

I think thats a really strange thing! I mean, i'm not saying your lips should be glued together but for you to mention it here it has to be a fairly significant thing.

Hes probably just unsure of your feelings because you dont express how you feel about him and dont want to kiss him??

Reply 5

bunthulhu

14

L0RA

Maybe he gets confused when you say you dont want to kiss him :s-smilie:

I think thats a really strange thing! I mean, i'm not saying your lips should be glued together but for you to mention it here it has to be a fairly significant thing.

Hes probably just unsure of your feelings because you dont express how you feel about him and dont want to kiss him??

I agree with this actually. When you said you didn't want to kiss him that sounded weird to me too :s-smilie:

Agreed.

Unless I was trying to force my tongue down a girls throught every 5 minutes I would be really upset if my girlfriend didnt want to kiss me.

Boyfriend feels like I'm making no effort

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