Heads so messed up!

To be honest, as it's within a friendship group it's probably likely to be found out at some point. I always believe in telling your partner when you cheat as they have a right to know. I must admit, I don't get how you being 'uncomfortable' led you to kiss him, especially for a full 5 seconds, that doesn't really add up. You must have been into it as well?

Reply 3

Why tell him? Isn't the way you're feeling now punishment enough?

It's true when they say that what people don't know won't hurt them. You'd just be upsetting him to get this off your chest. It will get easier with time, just remember that living with this secret is punishment enough.

In future stay away from this slimy character

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

OP

To be honest, me and this guy have had a "thing" before. We were cheating then as well though (I wasn't seeing my bf at this point) and that's how it was stopped.
He kissed me and I was that confused that I kissed him back and that's when I realised what I was doing. I feel so bad. I've accused my bf of cheating several times and I've promised him I would never cheat which I have never done or wanted to before so this has made me feel so upset.

Reply 5

You shouldn't have let yourself be alone in a room with this guy, don't let it happen again. Even if you don't tell your boyfriend (although I do think you should as you've broken a promise), you at least need to stop giving him grief about him cheating!

Reply 6

Anonymous #1

OP

I will be! Definitely will never annoy him. I'm not trying to be selfish but I don't think I can tell him. I really do love him and telling him will destroy our relationship totally. He'll never talk to me again. It was 5 seconds of stupidness. As long as he never knows everything will be fine but I'll assure you, I'll always appreciate and love him as much as possible.

Reply 7

Exactly, spend ages making it up to him and working on gettig over this - it's possible, I promise.

Reply 8

Anonymous

I will be! Definitely will never annoy him. I'm not trying to be selfish but I don't think I can tell him. I really do love him and telling him will destroy our relationship totally. He'll never talk to me again. It was 5 seconds of stupidness. As long as he never knows everything will be fine but I'll assure you, I'll always appreciate and love him as much as possible.

It's up to you, personally I think your decision of whether or not to tell him is a measure of how much respect you have for him. Can you trust yourself from now on? If you can't, certainly don't put yourself in any more dangerous situations like that. I hope you can though; then your relationship has a much better chance. Just remember if it does get out within your friendship group, it's going to look worse that you tried to hide it instead of coming clean right away :frown:

Reply 9

bunthulhu

It's up to you, personally I think your decision of whether or not to tell him is a measure of how much respect you have for him. Can you trust yourself from now on? If you can't, certainly don't put yourself in any more dangerous situations like that. Hope you can though; then your relationship has a much better chance.

Sometimes you can't just rely on black and white guielines for these things, it's not so clear cut. 5 seconds and it was a kiss, the bigger problem here is that her boyfriend would react so badly.

Reply 10

Timeslikethese

Sometimes you can't just rely on black and white guielines for these things, it's not so clear cut. 5 seconds and it was a kiss, the bigger problem here is that her boyfriend would react so badly.

Yes but there are other factors such as her accusing her boyfriend of cheating in the past, her promising to never do it, the fact that her boyfriend was already uncomfortable leaving her with this guy, the fact that she allowed herself to be alone in a room with him, drunk. She knows how he'd react, and it's a justified reaction to be honest, the majority of people don't believe in second chances. Not that I'd ever cheat but I can understand people being too scared to own up if they know what the consequences will be - even so I'd just find it very hard to continue in a relationship after I'd cheated because I wouldn't be able to help but feel like I'd taken him for a fool :s-smilie:

Which, if I really loved him, I'd find very upsetting.

Reply 11

Well, if it was me I wouldn't say anything at all. I'd resolve to be a better person in future. In the case of the OP it might even be beneficial to the relationship if it means she stops accusing him.

Reply 12

Timeslikethese

Well, if it was me I wouldn't say anything at all. I'd resolve to be a better person in future. In the case of the OP it might even be beneficial to the relationship if it means she stops accusing him.

Hmm, well that's debatable :smile:

It seems like that's what the OP has decided to do though, so fair play to her.

Reply 13

matt@internet

12

bunthulhu

Yes but there are other factors such as her accusing her boyfriend of cheating in the past, her promising to never do it, the fact that her boyfriend was already uncomfortable leaving her with this guy, the fact that she allowed herself to be alone in a room with him, drunk. She knows how he'd react, and it's a justified reaction to be honest, the majority of people don't believe in second chances. Not that I'd ever cheat but I can understand people being too scared to own up if they know what the consequences will be - even so I'd just find it very hard to continue in a relationship after I'd cheated because I wouldn't be able to help but feel like I'd taken him for a fool :s-smilie:

Which, if I really loved him, I'd find very upsetting.

That's what the OP thought. That's my unhelpful comment for the day.

Anonymous

To be honest, me and this guy have had a "thing" before. We were cheating then as well though (I wasn't seeing my bf at this point) and that's how it was stopped.
He kissed me and I was that confused that I kissed him back and that's when I realised what I was doing. I feel so bad. I've accused my bf of cheating several times and I've promised him I would never cheat which I have never done or wanted to before so this has made me feel so upset.

I'm amazed your relationship has survived. I'd think it's possible to weather one or two accusations of cheating, but several?

Reply 14

singh1987

Anonymous

I will be! Definitely will never annoy him. I'm not trying to be selfish but I don't think I can tell him. I really do love him and telling him will destroy our relationship totally. He'll never talk to me again. It was 5 seconds of stupidness. As long as he never knows everything will be fine but I'll assure you, I'll always appreciate and love him as much as possible.

Why not tell him the truth? You cheated and you have to face the consequences. to be honest, if he finds out later it look a lot worse. just tell him the truth. aren't relationships based on honesty and trust? so be honest with him!

Reply 15